Saturday, November 17, 2007
Thanksgiving
Yeah, I know it's early, but I'll be in montreal next week, and won't have a chance to celebrate it at the normal time. My parents have been up in Canada taking care of the new baby boy in my older brother's life, and also to help celebrate Thanksgiving the American way. God bless the U.S.A. because it was awewsome. Pecan, Pumpkin, Custard, Apple, and Chocholate pie were all there. As well as turkey, green beans, and mashed potatoes, and ,our special guest of honor, sweet potatoes. As usual, I was keeling over last night wishing I hadn't eaten so much. The French press coffee was helping my digestive system push all the food along. It was nice to hang out with family, and not worry about getting eaten by bugs for awhile. In fact, I haven't been bitten in three days, which is nice since I've had this problem now for about a month. The resounding answer of a pest control service next week, should cure the house I'm staying at of all bed bugs. We're about to have "Gabriel's Pizza" which is like fine Canadian Italian eating. Hope you a great week and a happy Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for my family, for all the pain I've experienced in this past year that is molding me into the kind of man God wants me to be, and also for this wonderful opportunity to find God in a country where the weather is cold, but the people are warm.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Back by popular demand...
So people are asking questions and wanting to know what’s going on with me. I’m doing well. The worship set this past Sunday was good. People really enjoyed some of the songs, and my brother’s message on Romans 10 was awesome. I wish you could see some of the hand gestures he uses. I’m hoping to make at least one video podcast of Calvary Fellowship of Ottawa, before I leave. That is, if I leave. Right now, things are still going as planned. I haven’t gotten any direction as to staying yet. I’m going to try and get my passport from the maximum security prison, oops, I mean the U.S. Embassy this week. I found out the hard way last week, that it’s not a good idea to take pics of the building up close, or to wear a black baseball cap, with a black t-shirt, and use a black cane. For those who don’t know, I was using a cane to compensate for a hairline fracture in my left ankle due to a sport’s injury. A lady at the front told me that they frown upon tourists who take photos, and if I wanted to apply for a passport, or visa, I would have to come back between 8-10AM. This made me wonder, what do they do for the other six hours of the day? So I left, since it was too late to get an application. Then a police officer stopped me afterwards, because of me taking pictures from before. He asked me if I was a tourist, and whether the shirt I was wearing had any meaning behind “Polo 217”. I assured him that I was a visitor, and that I got my shirt from Target for about $15, and that I was just trying to apply for a passport. After my conversation with Officer Hoser, I went away thinking, geez, with friends like this who needs enemies?
I’ve moved into one of the houses with Jericho ministries called Springhurst. My first week entailed cleaning out some “rough” refrigerators, and some cleaning/organizing of kitchen and bedrooms. Last Fri morning, I was awoken to one of the tenants who thought that 4am was a good time to change beds. My bedroom is a wide hallway/space between two rooms. I didn’t realize that I had every right to tell him to go back to bed, and that he would comply. It’s taken me awhile to realize that some guys have mental disorders here, so not every synapse is firing upstairs. Some pieces are left out, and that’s where I come in. I’ve also been falsely accused of pre-meditated murder at least three times in the last week. “Are you insisting on killing?” My response was no. “Your eyes say otherwise. Don’t forget the Bible says Thou shalt not kill. That means plants, animals, everybody…” I proceeded to look at Bob and we both shared the “weirded out” feeling that Michael left us with for a few moments. This is just one example of the paranoia that happens with schizophrenic people. I’m actually using a different name for Bob, since last week he started using, and could no longer be a part of Jericho Road. He’s in rehab right now. Please pray that God would help him turn from this addiction to drugs, and find complete restoration and healing in his life. It’s hard when you just meet someone, and you think that they’ll make it through. All they have to do is follow the rules, and chill. You’d be surprised how many people don’t make it, or just can’t do that. “But the ones that do, make it all worthwhile.” I think that’s something that Bill told me today.
Last week, I went with Steve (Campus Crusade) to witness to students at Ottawa U. Steve did more of the witnessing, because I was enthralled by his calm confidence, and ability to relate to students. I really got a polling sample of the culture up here. I’m going to call one of the guys we talked to, Merc, because his name was in French, and I’m still learning the language. Merc was studying political science and was from Gatineau. I found out that in the past, Gatineau was heavily controlled by the Catholic church, and so he saw Christ as a tyrant, or a dictator. Steve explained to him that Jesus was always confronting the Pharisees for their lack of righteousness, in doing what’s right for their people. Merc questioned the authenticity of Christ’s words, and how could one know that they are true? Steve answered quickly and cited several sources that give credibility to God’s Word, for instance archeologists, experts, etc. Merc ended our conversation because he had a class to get to. We moved on to the next person who would talk with us. His name was Daniel. The impression he got of being a Christian is religious obligation. He was trying to keep his priorities straight, school was a big priority, as well as getting a good paying job. Steve assured him that school was a great priority as well as seeking to provide for oneself. However, we as spiritual beings have other needs that have to be met. The interesting thing about both conversations is neither student was aware of what the Gospel teaches. There are strong roadblocks that prevent people from coming to Christ when they think that it removes critical thinking, or freedom of choice. They simply just don’t know what the Bible says. It was heartbreaking, and a good temperature reading for the culture. Please pray that God would break up the hard ground, so that soft hearts will receive the seed of His Word.
I had a disappointment. I got a chance to talk to the leadership team of the IV chapter at Ottawa U earlier that day. It’s amazing to see things that I’ve heard at Sonburst, and Chapter Camp already put into practice, and finding two student leaders over a group of 6 student leaders. It’s also awesome to see them devoted to creating a friendly atmosphere that brings people closer to Christ. I was talking with the staff worker for Ottawa U, Jill, and she saw my Urbana Bible. A story came to her mind, since we were talking about cultural cues. She said that one time at Urbana, all the Canadians were politely waiting for a bus to come to take them back to the hotel. When it finally did, all the Americans cut in front of them, and the Canadians didn’t make it. The Canadian students were confused. We thought they were Christians? Why would they act so rudely? Funny, huh? So, I told them my history with IV, and that I was just looking for an opening where I could be able to either lead a bible study, or perhaps some worship. However, they were already set, and that’s all that could be done. I suspect that I had misplaced expectations, but that’s okay. I think I’m going to be working with this group called “Yoked” which could use some help. We’ll see what God does on campus. I was really hoping that there would be at least one Christian club that saw a need to volunteer time at the Mission, or Jericho Road. Unfortunately, most students are too busy, or not committed enough to do something like that, even though it's literally minutes from their campus! Once again, I just have to let it go. I tried to remember how long it took me to understand God’s giant heart for the poor. I’m going to continue to pray for college students to care about the homeless not only in words, but also even more in action!
This week I’m going to Dan and Amy Schelke’s house. They have a Calvary Chapel in Perth. It’s basically a farming community with only a handful of “mom and pop” shops around. But the scenery is beautiful, and for a city kid, it’s great to feel like I’m in the great outdoors. I’ll be leading worship for them this Sunday, and I’m looking forward to what God’s going to do there, and on the way there.
The next verse pretty much sums up the rest of what’s going on…
“And there are also many other things that Jesus did, which if they were written one by one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that would be written. Amen.”
-John 21:25
I’ve moved into one of the houses with Jericho ministries called Springhurst. My first week entailed cleaning out some “rough” refrigerators, and some cleaning/organizing of kitchen and bedrooms. Last Fri morning, I was awoken to one of the tenants who thought that 4am was a good time to change beds. My bedroom is a wide hallway/space between two rooms. I didn’t realize that I had every right to tell him to go back to bed, and that he would comply. It’s taken me awhile to realize that some guys have mental disorders here, so not every synapse is firing upstairs. Some pieces are left out, and that’s where I come in. I’ve also been falsely accused of pre-meditated murder at least three times in the last week. “Are you insisting on killing?” My response was no. “Your eyes say otherwise. Don’t forget the Bible says Thou shalt not kill. That means plants, animals, everybody…” I proceeded to look at Bob and we both shared the “weirded out” feeling that Michael left us with for a few moments. This is just one example of the paranoia that happens with schizophrenic people. I’m actually using a different name for Bob, since last week he started using, and could no longer be a part of Jericho Road. He’s in rehab right now. Please pray that God would help him turn from this addiction to drugs, and find complete restoration and healing in his life. It’s hard when you just meet someone, and you think that they’ll make it through. All they have to do is follow the rules, and chill. You’d be surprised how many people don’t make it, or just can’t do that. “But the ones that do, make it all worthwhile.” I think that’s something that Bill told me today.
Last week, I went with Steve (Campus Crusade) to witness to students at Ottawa U. Steve did more of the witnessing, because I was enthralled by his calm confidence, and ability to relate to students. I really got a polling sample of the culture up here. I’m going to call one of the guys we talked to, Merc, because his name was in French, and I’m still learning the language. Merc was studying political science and was from Gatineau. I found out that in the past, Gatineau was heavily controlled by the Catholic church, and so he saw Christ as a tyrant, or a dictator. Steve explained to him that Jesus was always confronting the Pharisees for their lack of righteousness, in doing what’s right for their people. Merc questioned the authenticity of Christ’s words, and how could one know that they are true? Steve answered quickly and cited several sources that give credibility to God’s Word, for instance archeologists, experts, etc. Merc ended our conversation because he had a class to get to. We moved on to the next person who would talk with us. His name was Daniel. The impression he got of being a Christian is religious obligation. He was trying to keep his priorities straight, school was a big priority, as well as getting a good paying job. Steve assured him that school was a great priority as well as seeking to provide for oneself. However, we as spiritual beings have other needs that have to be met. The interesting thing about both conversations is neither student was aware of what the Gospel teaches. There are strong roadblocks that prevent people from coming to Christ when they think that it removes critical thinking, or freedom of choice. They simply just don’t know what the Bible says. It was heartbreaking, and a good temperature reading for the culture. Please pray that God would break up the hard ground, so that soft hearts will receive the seed of His Word.
I had a disappointment. I got a chance to talk to the leadership team of the IV chapter at Ottawa U earlier that day. It’s amazing to see things that I’ve heard at Sonburst, and Chapter Camp already put into practice, and finding two student leaders over a group of 6 student leaders. It’s also awesome to see them devoted to creating a friendly atmosphere that brings people closer to Christ. I was talking with the staff worker for Ottawa U, Jill, and she saw my Urbana Bible. A story came to her mind, since we were talking about cultural cues. She said that one time at Urbana, all the Canadians were politely waiting for a bus to come to take them back to the hotel. When it finally did, all the Americans cut in front of them, and the Canadians didn’t make it. The Canadian students were confused. We thought they were Christians? Why would they act so rudely? Funny, huh? So, I told them my history with IV, and that I was just looking for an opening where I could be able to either lead a bible study, or perhaps some worship. However, they were already set, and that’s all that could be done. I suspect that I had misplaced expectations, but that’s okay. I think I’m going to be working with this group called “Yoked” which could use some help. We’ll see what God does on campus. I was really hoping that there would be at least one Christian club that saw a need to volunteer time at the Mission, or Jericho Road. Unfortunately, most students are too busy, or not committed enough to do something like that, even though it's literally minutes from their campus! Once again, I just have to let it go. I tried to remember how long it took me to understand God’s giant heart for the poor. I’m going to continue to pray for college students to care about the homeless not only in words, but also even more in action!
This week I’m going to Dan and Amy Schelke’s house. They have a Calvary Chapel in Perth. It’s basically a farming community with only a handful of “mom and pop” shops around. But the scenery is beautiful, and for a city kid, it’s great to feel like I’m in the great outdoors. I’ll be leading worship for them this Sunday, and I’m looking forward to what God’s going to do there, and on the way there.
The next verse pretty much sums up the rest of what’s going on…
“And there are also many other things that Jesus did, which if they were written one by one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that would be written. Amen.”
-John 21:25
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Broken Fast?
No, I have not broken my facebook fast...okay I updated my status after watching a movie fri night, and I checked a comment on a vid I posted yesterday, because I couldn't resist. But I've stayed away from it since, and I don't think this blog counts. Anyway, I'm doing well, and looking forward to the pastor's conference this week (it starts wednesday).
This really is a challenge for me not to be caught up with facebook. I mean I like to keep tabs on people, but I wonder if I have an unhealthy addiction to the approval of man. I could be wrong, but you tell me. In any case, the blogs may continue to roll on facebook, but the "captain" is not at the helm, so to speak. Well, I'm going to take a nap. If you get a chance read my note/blog "some observations", and tell me what you think. You may need to read it in chunks, it's pretty long.
have a great week!
This really is a challenge for me not to be caught up with facebook. I mean I like to keep tabs on people, but I wonder if I have an unhealthy addiction to the approval of man. I could be wrong, but you tell me. In any case, the blogs may continue to roll on facebook, but the "captain" is not at the helm, so to speak. Well, I'm going to take a nap. If you get a chance read my note/blog "some observations", and tell me what you think. You may need to read it in chunks, it's pretty long.
have a great week!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Powerful
That's all I can say about today. It was powerful.
I bought a cd at the bookstore blessings, that almost made me cry.
It's called "Live: a deeper level" by Israel & Newbreed
The song is called, "You are not forgotten."
It just pierced right through to my soul.
Even reading the lyrics to it tonight without the music, made me cry.
then on top of that, I felt led to read the first chapter of I Corinthians and was totally blown away.
Ever since my heartbreak of last week, I've been beating myself up off and on.
I thought that it was incredibly stupid of me to express my feelings to her, and
weak of me to cave in to such desires.
Then I read this:
"For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength." I Cor 1:25
Now, I'm not God, but it was almost like the Holy Spirit was telling me, "You're not doing anything different than what I've made you to do."
Then I read this:
However, as it is written:
"What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived—
these things God has prepared for those who love him" I Cor 2:9
I didn't know what to do with myself after that. Should I cry? Or shout out loud? I was floored.
By the way, I'm pretty sure that the girl in question is now a period. Let me translate that for you. It ain't gonna happen. I'm not holding my breath. In fact, I'm releasing it onto God and His Kingdom. That's what I felt like God was telling me yesterday morning.
"Will you love me, and my kingdom with as much passion as you had for this girl?"
through clenched tears, and a heart filled with pain, I said yes.
Get ready Ottawa!
You don't know what's on the loose.
I bought a cd at the bookstore blessings, that almost made me cry.
It's called "Live: a deeper level" by Israel & Newbreed
The song is called, "You are not forgotten."
It just pierced right through to my soul.
Even reading the lyrics to it tonight without the music, made me cry.
then on top of that, I felt led to read the first chapter of I Corinthians and was totally blown away.
Ever since my heartbreak of last week, I've been beating myself up off and on.
I thought that it was incredibly stupid of me to express my feelings to her, and
weak of me to cave in to such desires.
Then I read this:
"For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength." I Cor 1:25
Now, I'm not God, but it was almost like the Holy Spirit was telling me, "You're not doing anything different than what I've made you to do."
Then I read this:
However, as it is written:
"What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived—
these things God has prepared for those who love him" I Cor 2:9
I didn't know what to do with myself after that. Should I cry? Or shout out loud? I was floored.
By the way, I'm pretty sure that the girl in question is now a period. Let me translate that for you. It ain't gonna happen. I'm not holding my breath. In fact, I'm releasing it onto God and His Kingdom. That's what I felt like God was telling me yesterday morning.
"Will you love me, and my kingdom with as much passion as you had for this girl?"
through clenched tears, and a heart filled with pain, I said yes.
Get ready Ottawa!
You don't know what's on the loose.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Some Observations
It’s been good for me to be here at Andy and Gen’s house. It’s so quiet and beautiful. I’ve had many opportunities to just listen to the wind blow, or watch the sun cover the plants. I’m really into symbolism and there are some things I’ve taken note of.
The Wind.
The air is so crisp and cool that one day this past week, all the doors, and windows in the house were open. A soft breeze would blow through the house, and it was just great. I thought of how the understanding of my heart had changed. My heart’s not a dumpster full of trash. It’s a house for God to live in. It’s interesting because that particular day I thought to myself. God all the doors, and windows in my heart are open. Come blow through this house with Your presence.
The Plants
In the backyard, there’s a variety of lush vegetation and herbs. It’s been a real treat to have garden fresh tomatoes, or freshly chopped basil with a meal. I’ve spent several afternoons being quite, and just watching the sunshine on the flowers, and the plants. I thought to myself, How wonderful is this? God has set things in place to grow organically without my help at all. Granted my brother, and sister in law may have put the seeds in and taken care of them, but God is the one who created seeds, and seasons. They grow because that is the system God has put in place and it’s beautiful to see. I thought to myself, God help my roots go down deep. So, that I can soak in the warmth of your grace. Just like the sun.
The Puzzle
J.C. took me over to his house this past Sunday and showed me how skillful a carpenter he is. I went downstairs and saw his workshop. Puzzles, piggie banks, and all manner of crafts abounded everywhere. From tiny little guitars, to a striking cobra snake puzzle still on the table, waiting for the craftsman to help it come to fruition, I listened to him talk about all the wonderful things he had made.
“I made this for my dad. I gave my brother this one. And this is a puzzle that has three layers. I need to change the colors though. It’s not quite right yet.”
I was fascinated by how much skill this guy had. I was starting to wonder what I’ve been doing with all the excess time I have, and whether I could learn a fun trade like this. I was glancing at a shelf full of cool little trinkets, when one in particular caught my eye. It was a three dimensional wooden puzzle that looked like a Jewish star. No, sooner had I motioned to it, then J.C. put it in my hands. He had another one exactly like it, and we walked in the other room to try it out. There are six identical pieces to the puzzle. I kept fiddling with two of them, scratching my head, and trying to remember what the original shape looked like. J.C. showed me how to get one half, but wanted me to try my luck at the other piece. After some time, He showed how to get three pieces together in one hand, and three pieces in the other. That’s where the tricky part is. Putting both halves together. There has to be a little wiggle room between both pieces, but when they finally lock, it’s the best feeling of accomplishment in the world.
I was able to take the puzzle home, and keep trying it out. I eventually got it down to a science, and can put it together in less than five minutes. However, I dropped one of the six pieces, and the edge of a corner got broken. The puzzle still works, but the damage has been done. I thought to myself how this puzzle could represent two souls becoming one. A soul has three components; mind, body, and emotions. In light of recent truth, I’ve discovered that my emotions have been damaged...just like that broken edge. Now, it may very well be that I can glue that corner back, or get J.C. to build an entirely new piece. But as I said before, the damage has been done. My soul can still fit in with my future spouse’s, if that’s God’s will, but that part of my soul will always be chipped. I’m asking God to help me overcome this generational curse of depression, hurt, and lies. Also, for Him to help me with what I can’t do…overcome my own body, heal my heart, and restore what can’t be bought,and create what can't be grown. To me, marriage is a puzzle. It’s a mystery how a man and a woman can somehow become this great collaboration, this beautiful work of art. Two souls inexplicably tied together to form this one great thing.
The Song
“God is able to heal if you listen,
And He’ll show you His will if you listen,
But you’ve gotta be still, and just listen, listen,
Come back, to your, first love, first love..”
-“First Love” by Kirk Franklin
It's intersting how that part about being still reminds me of something my mom would say when i was a kid. "Be still." Stop moving and wiggling. I think I have a tendency to rush around full of energy, and not just chill. I could learn a whole lot just by resting, and not fidgeting so much. God really is tugging at my heart to come back to that place of just flowing with His Spirit. I just want my heart to be enraptured with who He is, and have a healthy obsession with just His presence. He is so much better than anything I think I need. Food, money, good feelings, a wife, a house, etc., just can’t match everything that He is. I used to know this so well. I really don’t know what happened. Praise God! He’s willing to cripple me, if it causes me to be closer to Him. Just like Jacob, I’ve wrestled with God and man, and won. I knew I was going to have an encounter with God, but I didn’t know that I might not be able to walk the same afterwards.
The Prayer
God help me never forget You. Help me remember how good You’ve always been, and always will be. Worship should be more than words on a page. More than a great feeling, an aesthetically pleasing melody or a few rhythmic strums on a guitar. I worship You God, because You are Life, and apart from You, I have no good thing. You’re it. You’re the only One worth saying anything about, or writing about. I thank You. No, I thank You, Lord Jesus. There is no one like You. There is no one like You. You are holy. The nations are Your inheritance. You will be glorified in all the earth. You will be glorified in all the nations. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I can’t say it enough. I can’t live it enough. I can’t breathe it enough. Thank you. May ever syllable I use, bring glory to You.
The Wind.
The air is so crisp and cool that one day this past week, all the doors, and windows in the house were open. A soft breeze would blow through the house, and it was just great. I thought of how the understanding of my heart had changed. My heart’s not a dumpster full of trash. It’s a house for God to live in. It’s interesting because that particular day I thought to myself. God all the doors, and windows in my heart are open. Come blow through this house with Your presence.
The Plants
In the backyard, there’s a variety of lush vegetation and herbs. It’s been a real treat to have garden fresh tomatoes, or freshly chopped basil with a meal. I’ve spent several afternoons being quite, and just watching the sunshine on the flowers, and the plants. I thought to myself, How wonderful is this? God has set things in place to grow organically without my help at all. Granted my brother, and sister in law may have put the seeds in and taken care of them, but God is the one who created seeds, and seasons. They grow because that is the system God has put in place and it’s beautiful to see. I thought to myself, God help my roots go down deep. So, that I can soak in the warmth of your grace. Just like the sun.
The Puzzle
J.C. took me over to his house this past Sunday and showed me how skillful a carpenter he is. I went downstairs and saw his workshop. Puzzles, piggie banks, and all manner of crafts abounded everywhere. From tiny little guitars, to a striking cobra snake puzzle still on the table, waiting for the craftsman to help it come to fruition, I listened to him talk about all the wonderful things he had made.
“I made this for my dad. I gave my brother this one. And this is a puzzle that has three layers. I need to change the colors though. It’s not quite right yet.”
I was fascinated by how much skill this guy had. I was starting to wonder what I’ve been doing with all the excess time I have, and whether I could learn a fun trade like this. I was glancing at a shelf full of cool little trinkets, when one in particular caught my eye. It was a three dimensional wooden puzzle that looked like a Jewish star. No, sooner had I motioned to it, then J.C. put it in my hands. He had another one exactly like it, and we walked in the other room to try it out. There are six identical pieces to the puzzle. I kept fiddling with two of them, scratching my head, and trying to remember what the original shape looked like. J.C. showed me how to get one half, but wanted me to try my luck at the other piece. After some time, He showed how to get three pieces together in one hand, and three pieces in the other. That’s where the tricky part is. Putting both halves together. There has to be a little wiggle room between both pieces, but when they finally lock, it’s the best feeling of accomplishment in the world.
I was able to take the puzzle home, and keep trying it out. I eventually got it down to a science, and can put it together in less than five minutes. However, I dropped one of the six pieces, and the edge of a corner got broken. The puzzle still works, but the damage has been done. I thought to myself how this puzzle could represent two souls becoming one. A soul has three components; mind, body, and emotions. In light of recent truth, I’ve discovered that my emotions have been damaged...just like that broken edge. Now, it may very well be that I can glue that corner back, or get J.C. to build an entirely new piece. But as I said before, the damage has been done. My soul can still fit in with my future spouse’s, if that’s God’s will, but that part of my soul will always be chipped. I’m asking God to help me overcome this generational curse of depression, hurt, and lies. Also, for Him to help me with what I can’t do…overcome my own body, heal my heart, and restore what can’t be bought,and create what can't be grown. To me, marriage is a puzzle. It’s a mystery how a man and a woman can somehow become this great collaboration, this beautiful work of art. Two souls inexplicably tied together to form this one great thing.
The Song
“God is able to heal if you listen,
And He’ll show you His will if you listen,
But you’ve gotta be still, and just listen, listen,
Come back, to your, first love, first love..”
-“First Love” by Kirk Franklin
It's intersting how that part about being still reminds me of something my mom would say when i was a kid. "Be still." Stop moving and wiggling. I think I have a tendency to rush around full of energy, and not just chill. I could learn a whole lot just by resting, and not fidgeting so much. God really is tugging at my heart to come back to that place of just flowing with His Spirit. I just want my heart to be enraptured with who He is, and have a healthy obsession with just His presence. He is so much better than anything I think I need. Food, money, good feelings, a wife, a house, etc., just can’t match everything that He is. I used to know this so well. I really don’t know what happened. Praise God! He’s willing to cripple me, if it causes me to be closer to Him. Just like Jacob, I’ve wrestled with God and man, and won. I knew I was going to have an encounter with God, but I didn’t know that I might not be able to walk the same afterwards.
The Prayer
God help me never forget You. Help me remember how good You’ve always been, and always will be. Worship should be more than words on a page. More than a great feeling, an aesthetically pleasing melody or a few rhythmic strums on a guitar. I worship You God, because You are Life, and apart from You, I have no good thing. You’re it. You’re the only One worth saying anything about, or writing about. I thank You. No, I thank You, Lord Jesus. There is no one like You. There is no one like You. You are holy. The nations are Your inheritance. You will be glorified in all the earth. You will be glorified in all the nations. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I can’t say it enough. I can’t live it enough. I can’t breathe it enough. Thank you. May ever syllable I use, bring glory to You.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
New Song
I just wrote a new song to help me cope with a broken heart.
Why is emotional garbage the songwriters choice source for inspiration? I don't know.
Don't look for a recording of this just yet. I'm planning on using a friend's studio next weekend. Depending on my state of mind, I may record it. This is probably one of the hardest things I've ever written, lived, and sung. But I have to move on, and this is part of that process.
I'm completely open to constructive criticism. So, you writers out there need to tell me what's up. Don't be shy. The damage has already been done, and I was the one who pulled the switch. That still doesn't give me an excuse for poor writing.
"When My Tears Do The Singing"
I guess I was wrong
I guess I was wrong
I can’t write,
I can’t write,
The screenplay of her life,
The wind has been knocked out of me,
And I just don’t want to go on,
God, it hurts,
And no one knows it better than me,
I guess I was wrong,
I guess I was wrong,
I can’t write,
I can’t write,
The screenplay of my life,
I wish I could be like her,
But passion gets the better of me,
It’s so hard,
But God knows it better than me.
I don’t see any cameras here,
No stuntmen lined up to take my fall,
It doesn’t seem like anyone is here except me,
And the make up on my face makes me look like a clown,
Before I even met my bride, I went ahead and bought her a gown,
I don’t know why I’m crying over what never was,
It’s just that I loved her so much,
But the feeling wasn’t mutual.
I guess He was right,
I guess He was right,
Only He can write,
Only He can write,
The screenplay of our lives
Why is emotional garbage the songwriters choice source for inspiration? I don't know.
Don't look for a recording of this just yet. I'm planning on using a friend's studio next weekend. Depending on my state of mind, I may record it. This is probably one of the hardest things I've ever written, lived, and sung. But I have to move on, and this is part of that process.
I'm completely open to constructive criticism. So, you writers out there need to tell me what's up. Don't be shy. The damage has already been done, and I was the one who pulled the switch. That still doesn't give me an excuse for poor writing.
"When My Tears Do The Singing"
I guess I was wrong
I guess I was wrong
I can’t write,
I can’t write,
The screenplay of her life,
The wind has been knocked out of me,
And I just don’t want to go on,
God, it hurts,
And no one knows it better than me,
I guess I was wrong,
I guess I was wrong,
I can’t write,
I can’t write,
The screenplay of my life,
I wish I could be like her,
But passion gets the better of me,
It’s so hard,
But God knows it better than me.
I don’t see any cameras here,
No stuntmen lined up to take my fall,
It doesn’t seem like anyone is here except me,
And the make up on my face makes me look like a clown,
Before I even met my bride, I went ahead and bought her a gown,
I don’t know why I’m crying over what never was,
It’s just that I loved her so much,
But the feeling wasn’t mutual.
I guess He was right,
I guess He was right,
Only He can write,
Only He can write,
The screenplay of our lives
Today
"Each heart knows its own bitterness,
and no one else can share its joy."
Proverbs 14:10
That's pretty much where I'm at today.
and no one else can share its joy."
Proverbs 14:10
That's pretty much where I'm at today.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
What it is
I've got to be honest, when I say I'm not doing well, yet I am doing well.
Before you recommend me to the nearest licensed counselor, let me explain.
I did something brave, even for me, this week.
I believe it was the right time, and that conviction is what spurned me to action.
That's my head talking.
I was determined to obey God in all things.
That's my will talking.
I wish that information could sink to my heart and cause it to stop gurgling like a broken washing machine switching from rinse to spin, rinse to spin (think up, down, up, down).
That's my emotions talking.
You now have a snapshot of my soul.
A brief window in time of my mind, will, and emotions at the moment.
I'm reluctant to give this polaroid up, but I know that I need to.
I know I'm not giving full disclosure here, but some things are better left unsaid. Nothing illegal, or unethical.
I will give you a hint. Jimi Hendrix had an ablum entitled: "Axis: Bold as Love".
Let's just say something was triggered in me, and caused a flame to ignite hotter than anything I've felt before.
Almost like the difference between yellow flames, and blue flames. Let me tell you, afterburn is not fun.
Still, at times I sit and think to myself. Man, did that take some guts! I'm trusting Somone wiser and stronger than me.
And I'm also listening to the advice of the very wise who have much needed experience and counsel.
What's done is done. There's no way to reverse it.
That's just what it is.
Before you recommend me to the nearest licensed counselor, let me explain.
I did something brave, even for me, this week.
I believe it was the right time, and that conviction is what spurned me to action.
That's my head talking.
I was determined to obey God in all things.
That's my will talking.
I wish that information could sink to my heart and cause it to stop gurgling like a broken washing machine switching from rinse to spin, rinse to spin (think up, down, up, down).
That's my emotions talking.
You now have a snapshot of my soul.
A brief window in time of my mind, will, and emotions at the moment.
I'm reluctant to give this polaroid up, but I know that I need to.
I know I'm not giving full disclosure here, but some things are better left unsaid. Nothing illegal, or unethical.
I will give you a hint. Jimi Hendrix had an ablum entitled: "Axis: Bold as Love".
Let's just say something was triggered in me, and caused a flame to ignite hotter than anything I've felt before.
Almost like the difference between yellow flames, and blue flames. Let me tell you, afterburn is not fun.
Still, at times I sit and think to myself. Man, did that take some guts! I'm trusting Somone wiser and stronger than me.
And I'm also listening to the advice of the very wise who have much needed experience and counsel.
What's done is done. There's no way to reverse it.
That's just what it is.
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Songs that are in my head lately
All I need is you- by Marty Sampson c/o Hillsong
The chorus in this song just plays over and over in my head.
All my days- RSB (Robbie Seay Band)
It starts out really strange, but there's a great bridge in this song that goes
"I love you. I love you. What's more to say? Love not dependent on time and space. I love you. I love you from the depths of my soul. Love like a river that overflows."
Looking out at the gorgeous blue sky with all the trees lining the landscape, causes my heart to grow in wonder of my Maker, as I listen to this song.
Only a Man- Jonny Lang
Man, talk about a great song! It's almost like you're hearing how his heart was exchanged for God's heart. Very cool. If you're a real man, you'll shed some tears after a quick listen to this song. I did and only a real man would admit that.
Be my everything- Tim Hughes
A good friend introduced me to this song, and I really appreciate him sharing it with me.
The chorus in this song just plays over and over in my head.
All my days- RSB (Robbie Seay Band)
It starts out really strange, but there's a great bridge in this song that goes
"I love you. I love you. What's more to say? Love not dependent on time and space. I love you. I love you from the depths of my soul. Love like a river that overflows."
Looking out at the gorgeous blue sky with all the trees lining the landscape, causes my heart to grow in wonder of my Maker, as I listen to this song.
Only a Man- Jonny Lang
Man, talk about a great song! It's almost like you're hearing how his heart was exchanged for God's heart. Very cool. If you're a real man, you'll shed some tears after a quick listen to this song. I did and only a real man would admit that.
Be my everything- Tim Hughes
A good friend introduced me to this song, and I really appreciate him sharing it with me.
Feedback please
Alright, am I so intimidating that no one says anything about my posts? I'll admit I've definitely gone on a limb on my latest post, but there's no excuse for the other ones. Honestly, I'd rather have negative feedback than no feedback at all. No feedback tells me that I'm doing something wrong, or so weird that people can't even relate to it. I'm a writer. I like to write. It's in my blood. You have no idea what release it is for me to unveil my thoughts to the rest of the "world", but it's nice to hear what other people are thinking and feeling. It's been about a week since my last blog, and that will probably be the weekly trend for me. At times, it might be even longer. I may just jot stuff down in my word processor, and then copy it, and paste it, for your blogging pleasure. So, I've just spent the last 4 sentences saying absolutely nothing, but I'm glad that I can share that with you.
Blinding Revelations
Okay, this isn't where I'm going to preach, but it is where I'm going to be sarcastic.
Why has it taken me 3 weeks to realize that my family's ancestors were french, so it would be completely natural for me to learn the language (francais)?
Duh. I think my parents were trying to tell me this before I left, but I wasn't listening.
This part is where I start preaching. The subject is kind of touchy, so I'll try to be extra careful...
Why didn't it don on me that since I'm white, I can encourage people of the same race in a unique way in their walk with God?
This doesn't mean that I can't reach out to people of different color, but my skin tone does provide me a special opportunity to reach out to other white people.
Obviously, everyone's personal context is different. I will never argue that my life is the same as yours, even if we share the same race. But I will argue that God doesn't make junk, and we are uniquely created to be; black, white, asian, latino, a blend, etc. Therefore, let's lead other blacks, whites, asians, latinos, blends, etc's, to Jesus. I want to use everything I have, strength, weakness, weirdness, stupidity, whatever, to the glory of God.
Reader, please do not be offended. I beg you. Race is probably one of the hardest subjects to talk about. Right up there with sex, politics, and religion.
Probably the four things no one should ever bring up in water cooler conversations... or, should they? Again, I hope that I have been careful enough not to purposefully step on anyone's toes. I really don't want to read scathing emails after this, but if it brings glory to God, bring it on.
I leave you with a verse.
"Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come..."
Matthew 18:7
Why has it taken me 3 weeks to realize that my family's ancestors were french, so it would be completely natural for me to learn the language (francais)?
Duh. I think my parents were trying to tell me this before I left, but I wasn't listening.
This part is where I start preaching. The subject is kind of touchy, so I'll try to be extra careful...
Why didn't it don on me that since I'm white, I can encourage people of the same race in a unique way in their walk with God?
This doesn't mean that I can't reach out to people of different color, but my skin tone does provide me a special opportunity to reach out to other white people.
Obviously, everyone's personal context is different. I will never argue that my life is the same as yours, even if we share the same race. But I will argue that God doesn't make junk, and we are uniquely created to be; black, white, asian, latino, a blend, etc. Therefore, let's lead other blacks, whites, asians, latinos, blends, etc's, to Jesus. I want to use everything I have, strength, weakness, weirdness, stupidity, whatever, to the glory of God.
Reader, please do not be offended. I beg you. Race is probably one of the hardest subjects to talk about. Right up there with sex, politics, and religion.
Probably the four things no one should ever bring up in water cooler conversations... or, should they? Again, I hope that I have been careful enough not to purposefully step on anyone's toes. I really don't want to read scathing emails after this, but if it brings glory to God, bring it on.
I leave you with a verse.
"Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come..."
Matthew 18:7
Supercalifragelisticexpealidocious
Sorry, I was at a loss for words to describe this entry. I think it would be impossible for me to catch everyone up on the last few weeks. It might be better to just talk about the past few days. I'm not much for keeping things in succession anyway. And if Joey's reading, yes the Math is owning and I don't allow numbers to rule. I'm drawing lines, declaring wars, and letting it rip.
Last night, we hung out with the Ruby's to celebrate Andy's birthday. Filet migon, and leg of lamb served with garlic butter potatoes, green beans,and even some salad on the side. C'est magnifique! The mint apple sauce for dipping the lamb in was quite good. Listen to me I sound like a Briton. Anyway, it was good to hang out with Jon, Vicki, and the kids.
Wednesday I spent all of the day touring Univ. of Ottawa, which I've dubbed the name "U.F.O.", b/c if you say "U. of O." fast enough it sounds like that. You know what, shut up, it's funny...your mom is a dork. Anyway, it was a blast running around finding what student ministries were on campus. There's quite a few, and it looks like they actually do things like food, sports, bible studies, etc. The only bummer is no physical shred of evidence that IV (Intervarsity) is there. They have a website, but that's as much as I've seen in my two day excursion of the two BIG campuses (U.O., and Carleton). Thursday, I stopped by to find out when the clubs would be out, and decided to go take a guided tour of Carleton with Dave. The cool thing about Carleton is you can take a train to get there. People must take for granted the beautiful green landscape that covers this place. My eyes eat it up with a spoon. How's that for weird illustrations? You didn't know your eyes could get hungry did you? Anything is possible in Canada. And I do mean anything. At two different times I saw someone whom I will describe as "Moe-man". It's not quite woman, it's not quite man, and unfortunately it's not really Pat either. He stretches for the old SNL skit that no one knows about on third base, and he's...tagged out. Sigh. No, it's moman. The scary thing is that it's a biological mix match. And that's where I'm going to stop talking about that subject, and move on to a new one.
Fresh asparagus anyone? Ha ha. You have to keep reading, you have to keep reading. It's nice to have a captive audience. La la la, la la la. Hey, I have to put up with cute little girls running around singing, so you have to as well.
So later that wednesday, I went to the Jericho Road Coffehouse. It's always a good ego check. Rosa, a caucasian lady in her mid thirties, with eyes bulging to each side, was telling me about how she was born deaf, but then regained her hearing from a surgery when she was 16. She told me all this, b/c the worship was too loud for her, since once the volume got to a certain level, it was just noise. She also talked to me about her family line that goes across Europe and elsewhere. I tried to imagine her as a successful business woman in a suit, impressing me with her riveting life. I guess I got the idea from a movie called "The Boys Next Door." Afterwards, Colin picked me, and a couple of other guys up to go bowling. Now, in Canada, they do mini bowl. Apparently, in the States, we are all Neanderthals for using heavy bowling bowls with 3-5 holes in them. Whatever. I'm about as good at mini-golf as my friend Matt is at Nertz...terrible. Monica is a great competitor though. She won the first round, and said the scores for the other two didn't count. I played her in Air Hockey, along with five other ppl who lost, but in the second round I almost got her at 5-7. If you're reading this, I'm gonna take you down. I want a re-match!
Thursday, we hung out with Dave who pretty much knew all the peep's with Campus crusade. I've discovered that this campus group, Campus Crusade for Christ, has been rocking it at both schools. Randy, who had faithfully trekked with me for a day and a half, wanted to break off for the rest of thursday. The cool thing is later in the day, I found another christian club "Campus Prayer", and met two good looking black believers. A-men. I have gotten so tired of vanilla, I'm glad Jesus has some chocolate up in Ottawa U. So, I got some time by myself, and realized that I wanted to go to the schools music library to check out Handel's "Dettingen Te Deum". I was reading about it in Francis Schaeffer's "Art and the Bible." It was really really good. Life changing in fact. My creativity has now exponentially grown after listening to that chorale work, in context with Schaeffer's timely writings. God is way interested in the Arts, but their place is under His authority. Even if you're not the artsy-fartsy type, you might benefit by reading his book. It's really good.
So, both days were really long, but good. I couldn't hold out on Thursday night for one of the many bible studies on both college campuses. So, I decided to head for home on the bus.
Friday I woke up and felt every step of the staircase. It was really pathetic. I got a chance to work on my worship set for Friday, and be ready to practice with Randy a.k.a. "The Conga Kid" that night. After dining at Ruby's, Andy dropped me off at Randy's house. I had a long talk with Brian about music, awesome times of worship where God's presence was better than the notes, and creative Pastors who saw a place for addicts who needed community. Good stuff. I hope I get a chance to jam with him. He couldn't play that night, b/c he's taking lessons on the drums, and he has a pretty rigorous practicing schedule. So, me and Randy went through the set,and then some. We were going to watch "Cinderella Man", but unfortunately the dvd player was possessed. It kept turing off, and on saying reading. This is an uncommon thing, and had never happened before. Eventually, we gave up on the player and caught an episode of the simpsons. Good times. Afterwards, I went to bed.
Isabelle, is telling me it's time to eat homemade pizza that my brother just made. I'm sorry, but I have to go make sure that pizza gets some love.
Peace.
Last night, we hung out with the Ruby's to celebrate Andy's birthday. Filet migon, and leg of lamb served with garlic butter potatoes, green beans,and even some salad on the side. C'est magnifique! The mint apple sauce for dipping the lamb in was quite good. Listen to me I sound like a Briton. Anyway, it was good to hang out with Jon, Vicki, and the kids.
Wednesday I spent all of the day touring Univ. of Ottawa, which I've dubbed the name "U.F.O.", b/c if you say "U. of O." fast enough it sounds like that. You know what, shut up, it's funny...your mom is a dork. Anyway, it was a blast running around finding what student ministries were on campus. There's quite a few, and it looks like they actually do things like food, sports, bible studies, etc. The only bummer is no physical shred of evidence that IV (Intervarsity) is there. They have a website, but that's as much as I've seen in my two day excursion of the two BIG campuses (U.O., and Carleton). Thursday, I stopped by to find out when the clubs would be out, and decided to go take a guided tour of Carleton with Dave. The cool thing about Carleton is you can take a train to get there. People must take for granted the beautiful green landscape that covers this place. My eyes eat it up with a spoon. How's that for weird illustrations? You didn't know your eyes could get hungry did you? Anything is possible in Canada. And I do mean anything. At two different times I saw someone whom I will describe as "Moe-man". It's not quite woman, it's not quite man, and unfortunately it's not really Pat either. He stretches for the old SNL skit that no one knows about on third base, and he's...tagged out. Sigh. No, it's moman. The scary thing is that it's a biological mix match. And that's where I'm going to stop talking about that subject, and move on to a new one.
Fresh asparagus anyone? Ha ha. You have to keep reading, you have to keep reading. It's nice to have a captive audience. La la la, la la la. Hey, I have to put up with cute little girls running around singing, so you have to as well.
So later that wednesday, I went to the Jericho Road Coffehouse. It's always a good ego check. Rosa, a caucasian lady in her mid thirties, with eyes bulging to each side, was telling me about how she was born deaf, but then regained her hearing from a surgery when she was 16. She told me all this, b/c the worship was too loud for her, since once the volume got to a certain level, it was just noise. She also talked to me about her family line that goes across Europe and elsewhere. I tried to imagine her as a successful business woman in a suit, impressing me with her riveting life. I guess I got the idea from a movie called "The Boys Next Door." Afterwards, Colin picked me, and a couple of other guys up to go bowling. Now, in Canada, they do mini bowl. Apparently, in the States, we are all Neanderthals for using heavy bowling bowls with 3-5 holes in them. Whatever. I'm about as good at mini-golf as my friend Matt is at Nertz...terrible. Monica is a great competitor though. She won the first round, and said the scores for the other two didn't count. I played her in Air Hockey, along with five other ppl who lost, but in the second round I almost got her at 5-7. If you're reading this, I'm gonna take you down. I want a re-match!
Thursday, we hung out with Dave who pretty much knew all the peep's with Campus crusade. I've discovered that this campus group, Campus Crusade for Christ, has been rocking it at both schools. Randy, who had faithfully trekked with me for a day and a half, wanted to break off for the rest of thursday. The cool thing is later in the day, I found another christian club "Campus Prayer", and met two good looking black believers. A-men. I have gotten so tired of vanilla, I'm glad Jesus has some chocolate up in Ottawa U. So, I got some time by myself, and realized that I wanted to go to the schools music library to check out Handel's "Dettingen Te Deum". I was reading about it in Francis Schaeffer's "Art and the Bible." It was really really good. Life changing in fact. My creativity has now exponentially grown after listening to that chorale work, in context with Schaeffer's timely writings. God is way interested in the Arts, but their place is under His authority. Even if you're not the artsy-fartsy type, you might benefit by reading his book. It's really good.
So, both days were really long, but good. I couldn't hold out on Thursday night for one of the many bible studies on both college campuses. So, I decided to head for home on the bus.
Friday I woke up and felt every step of the staircase. It was really pathetic. I got a chance to work on my worship set for Friday, and be ready to practice with Randy a.k.a. "The Conga Kid" that night. After dining at Ruby's, Andy dropped me off at Randy's house. I had a long talk with Brian about music, awesome times of worship where God's presence was better than the notes, and creative Pastors who saw a place for addicts who needed community. Good stuff. I hope I get a chance to jam with him. He couldn't play that night, b/c he's taking lessons on the drums, and he has a pretty rigorous practicing schedule. So, me and Randy went through the set,and then some. We were going to watch "Cinderella Man", but unfortunately the dvd player was possessed. It kept turing off, and on saying reading. This is an uncommon thing, and had never happened before. Eventually, we gave up on the player and caught an episode of the simpsons. Good times. Afterwards, I went to bed.
Isabelle, is telling me it's time to eat homemade pizza that my brother just made. I'm sorry, but I have to go make sure that pizza gets some love.
Peace.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Devotions
It's been really good doin' the A.D.D. devotions. I think I've finally gotten it down.
I'm writing this blog to see how people are doing with it (especailly the Floridians).
here's some helpful hints I've found:
When journaling life, list people you've met, or things that are going on. 2 minutes max
Look at Scripture that's for you, don't think about these "great revelations" that everyone else needs to know about. What is God revealing about Himself to you through his Word?
I'm writing this blog to see how people are doing with it (especailly the Floridians).
here's some helpful hints I've found:
When journaling life, list people you've met, or things that are going on. 2 minutes max
Look at Scripture that's for you, don't think about these "great revelations" that everyone else needs to know about. What is God revealing about Himself to you through his Word?
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Post-Surreal: Good for my heart
“Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water,
But a man of understanding will draw it out.”
-Proverbs 20:5
*Some things were not shared, b/c they're too personal in nature. The ones that I could share are below.
These are the things I believe God has been speaking directly to my heart within the past week. Why did I ever doubt that God knew what my heart was thinking, and the things it so desperately wanted to hear? Father, you are truly the only man of understanding who helps me take counsel from within.
Friday:
If anyone needs direction, let them read Psalms 119.
I read the entire chapter and the Holy Spirit gave me instruction as I heard him say that I had a heart like David's, a man after his own heart, You’re my boy, that I was most pleasing to my Heavenly Father, that I love his laws, and that I am moved to tears when men don’t take heed to His Word. This section of verses floored me.
On top of that, a sweet brother came by and told me, “You’re an awesome servant.” I could not stop crying tears of joy. Those times that I was faithful in little things, my Heavenly Father definitely noticed and rejoiced over me with singing.
Sunday:
I was watching my nieces little cg animated film called, “The Princess and the Pauper.” Yes, I know that I'm not supossed to be into these types of films. I'm babysitting my nieces, and it may give me an edge, since this is programming for little girls, who become ladies later in life.
*A large portion has been omitted, but perhaps later it will shed light when certain events have come to pass.*
At the end of the film everyone is happy. Both the princess, and her twin sister “the pauper” marry two handsome good men. The princess marries a servant, and the pauper marries a king. The song is beautiful musically and lyrically as it says,
“…When you live your dream, you’ll find destiny, is written on your heart.”
This reminds me of a much greater love that my spiritual husband (Christ) has for me as his Bride and the dream of being with Him forever. He is both a servant, and a king, yet he chooses me.
“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”-Ecclesiastes 3:11
"This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time," declares the LORD. "I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people."-Jeremiah 31:33
God has always had eternity in mind, concerning me. You know what?-I believe that God can do what I think is impossible and then some. He doesn’t just give me enough to live on, he also gives me art and song and romance. Does His greatness know no bounds?
Thursday:
I’ve been “retracing” (pun intended) my teenage days, by taking up drawing again. I recently purchased a book entitled “The Complete Book of Drawing Techniques: A Professional Guide for the Artist.” It’s been helpful in the therapeutic sense for me. I read something today that nearly made me cry in public, something I wouldn’t do if I were forced to eat live rattle snakes.
“It really is time for a re-assessment of the eraser and its’ role in our work. Used effectively it can be one of the most positive tools at our disposal. But first we need to remove the idea that mistakes are always bad.”
I can not tell you how many times I’ve erased equation after equation from Math homework. It seems that there’s no end to the logic, and my brain just doesn’t get it. So, I have issues with erasers. But the real issue is my obsession with perfection in a fallen, and broken world. The book continues on this “no mistakes, no redemption” philosophy.
“Re-thinking is very much a part of the creative process and is evidenced in many works, particularly in drawings where the artists are working out their initial ideas and intentions.”
Both of these statements do wonders for my soul, and give me freedom from negative/frustrated thinking.
But a man of understanding will draw it out.”
-Proverbs 20:5
*Some things were not shared, b/c they're too personal in nature. The ones that I could share are below.
These are the things I believe God has been speaking directly to my heart within the past week. Why did I ever doubt that God knew what my heart was thinking, and the things it so desperately wanted to hear? Father, you are truly the only man of understanding who helps me take counsel from within.
Friday:
If anyone needs direction, let them read Psalms 119.
I read the entire chapter and the Holy Spirit gave me instruction as I heard him say that I had a heart like David's, a man after his own heart, You’re my boy, that I was most pleasing to my Heavenly Father, that I love his laws, and that I am moved to tears when men don’t take heed to His Word. This section of verses floored me.
On top of that, a sweet brother came by and told me, “You’re an awesome servant.” I could not stop crying tears of joy. Those times that I was faithful in little things, my Heavenly Father definitely noticed and rejoiced over me with singing.
Sunday:
I was watching my nieces little cg animated film called, “The Princess and the Pauper.” Yes, I know that I'm not supossed to be into these types of films. I'm babysitting my nieces, and it may give me an edge, since this is programming for little girls, who become ladies later in life.
*A large portion has been omitted, but perhaps later it will shed light when certain events have come to pass.*
At the end of the film everyone is happy. Both the princess, and her twin sister “the pauper” marry two handsome good men. The princess marries a servant, and the pauper marries a king. The song is beautiful musically and lyrically as it says,
“…When you live your dream, you’ll find destiny, is written on your heart.”
This reminds me of a much greater love that my spiritual husband (Christ) has for me as his Bride and the dream of being with Him forever. He is both a servant, and a king, yet he chooses me.
“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”-Ecclesiastes 3:11
"This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time," declares the LORD. "I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people."-Jeremiah 31:33
God has always had eternity in mind, concerning me. You know what?-I believe that God can do what I think is impossible and then some. He doesn’t just give me enough to live on, he also gives me art and song and romance. Does His greatness know no bounds?
Thursday:
I’ve been “retracing” (pun intended) my teenage days, by taking up drawing again. I recently purchased a book entitled “The Complete Book of Drawing Techniques: A Professional Guide for the Artist.” It’s been helpful in the therapeutic sense for me. I read something today that nearly made me cry in public, something I wouldn’t do if I were forced to eat live rattle snakes.
“It really is time for a re-assessment of the eraser and its’ role in our work. Used effectively it can be one of the most positive tools at our disposal. But first we need to remove the idea that mistakes are always bad.”
I can not tell you how many times I’ve erased equation after equation from Math homework. It seems that there’s no end to the logic, and my brain just doesn’t get it. So, I have issues with erasers. But the real issue is my obsession with perfection in a fallen, and broken world. The book continues on this “no mistakes, no redemption” philosophy.
“Re-thinking is very much a part of the creative process and is evidenced in many works, particularly in drawings where the artists are working out their initial ideas and intentions.”
Both of these statements do wonders for my soul, and give me freedom from negative/frustrated thinking.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Day 6
Thursday:
Awesome bible study in the park. found out just exactly why Jesus is the Son of God, and the Son of Man. Joseph was from the line of David, but Mary was impregnated by God. So he's both the Son of Man, and also the Son of God. Cool, huh? I made friends with some guys, and threw around frizbees while we we're waiting to figure out what was happening next. A couple people had to go back to work, but a few hung out for lunch and then Starbucks. We had these awesome sandwiches at this Italian bakery called "Grezianos" or something. Hooked up at Starbucks, and we're talking about the Lord, and stuff.
Later on, my bro needed to study for his message this weekend, so I got a tour from this guy I met that day of downtown Ottawa. It was really cool. We got to see the old parlaimant builidings that have been around forever, and are monstrously huge. We looked at the statues of old prime ministers, and historical figures. They had a place for stray cats, which coincidentally had a bunch of racoons and a ground hog taking over the place. It's really neat how you can see wildlife close up around here. Anyway, my tour guide was way awesome, and had some great stories about people stealing historical things, or even a bar owner having the horns from the gargoyles on the top of the parlaiment building.
As we were walking, and looking at all this different places; diverse marketplaces of food, museums, libraries, islands, and even (get this) water buses on the lake, he told me about some of the seedier things that are below the surface in the city. Homelessness, poverty, and people who are invisible. I'll never forget how he told me that "Most homeless guys don't live to be 30. I'll be 31 this sunday." I learned about the psychics, the new age trend, and how people are desperately trying to fill a need in their lives for God. The only problem is they're looking in all the wrong places.
It started to rain, and we got soaked, but it was worth it to see the tomb of the unknown soldier.
That day was kind of heavy, but in a good way. I will often think about what was said, and hold it close to my heart.
We hopped on our bus that would take us home, and had andy's sausage pizzas. they were amazing. I ended up recording a bunch of songs in my brothers basement with my ipod. It turned out really well, but i was gonna need some sleep for the days up ahead.
Awesome bible study in the park. found out just exactly why Jesus is the Son of God, and the Son of Man. Joseph was from the line of David, but Mary was impregnated by God. So he's both the Son of Man, and also the Son of God. Cool, huh? I made friends with some guys, and threw around frizbees while we we're waiting to figure out what was happening next. A couple people had to go back to work, but a few hung out for lunch and then Starbucks. We had these awesome sandwiches at this Italian bakery called "Grezianos" or something. Hooked up at Starbucks, and we're talking about the Lord, and stuff.
Later on, my bro needed to study for his message this weekend, so I got a tour from this guy I met that day of downtown Ottawa. It was really cool. We got to see the old parlaimant builidings that have been around forever, and are monstrously huge. We looked at the statues of old prime ministers, and historical figures. They had a place for stray cats, which coincidentally had a bunch of racoons and a ground hog taking over the place. It's really neat how you can see wildlife close up around here. Anyway, my tour guide was way awesome, and had some great stories about people stealing historical things, or even a bar owner having the horns from the gargoyles on the top of the parlaiment building.
As we were walking, and looking at all this different places; diverse marketplaces of food, museums, libraries, islands, and even (get this) water buses on the lake, he told me about some of the seedier things that are below the surface in the city. Homelessness, poverty, and people who are invisible. I'll never forget how he told me that "Most homeless guys don't live to be 30. I'll be 31 this sunday." I learned about the psychics, the new age trend, and how people are desperately trying to fill a need in their lives for God. The only problem is they're looking in all the wrong places.
It started to rain, and we got soaked, but it was worth it to see the tomb of the unknown soldier.
That day was kind of heavy, but in a good way. I will often think about what was said, and hold it close to my heart.
We hopped on our bus that would take us home, and had andy's sausage pizzas. they were amazing. I ended up recording a bunch of songs in my brothers basement with my ipod. It turned out really well, but i was gonna need some sleep for the days up ahead.
Day 4-5 (It's all jumbled in my head)
This time I woke up around 7am, and wasn't drowsy. I hit my devotions, just as fast as I could. I flew into the shower, dried off, got dressed, and headed downstairs. We needed to leave by 8:30am, or we would miss the bus to the bible study that afternoon.
We ate a simple breakfast, some fruit, and maybe a bagel, and then off we went for the bus stop, or car I can't remember which.
What do you expect? I'm not an early riser.
Canada has the coolest bus system ever. They're buses are ridiculously fast. You can get anywhere you need to in about 15-30 minutes. My brother gave me some bus tickets, and we hoped on our first bus.
In the mornings, the bus isn't really crowded, but by the middle, or end of the day, everyone is riding on it. Although it's mainly white people by majority, there's some diversity among the passengers (black, arabic, etc). There doesn't seem to be as much racial tension here, as there is in the States. It's kind of nice.
We get to a bus stop, and Andy shows me the map, and where all the buses are, and where we're headed. He looks really cool with his his rimless glasses, and his explorer style backpack. It takes a while for information to sink into brain (mine), lots of talking, and need to see where fingers are pointing. Okay. Got it.
Within a matter of minutes, we were on the next bus that would take us closer to our destination...
the park.
They have this gorgeous park in Ottawa. You simply have to see it, I'd be waisting time trying to describe it. Huge green trees, people playing volleyball and frisbee out here. They have the coolest statues, and stuff. I'll take pic's when I get a chance.
So, we come to the familiar park bench where a handful of people are waiting for Andy to lead the bible study on matthew 19. I'm amazed that a group of people were willing to give up their lunch break, or part of their day, just to be here for this. Andy prays, and then starts going through what he talked about last time. Then, he dives into the Word, but will stop and explain things as he goes. I'm amazed at how the Holy Spirit speaks through my brother even more so than He has in the past. It's literally like hanging out with Jesus. People feel welcomed, and a part of what's going on, and are asking questions, or making comments as well.
Time passes, and my brother gets to the end of the chapter. Then he prays, and we're done. I make every opportunity to meet people, tell them who i am, and find out how they met my brother. It's a really really cool thing.
After all this, we head for home on the bus/car (memory is not my forte). Yes, I know there's a big difference between a car or bus. Thank you Captain Obvious. We came home, Gen prepared the food both nights, and it was wonderful.
We ate a simple breakfast, some fruit, and maybe a bagel, and then off we went for the bus stop, or car I can't remember which.
What do you expect? I'm not an early riser.
Canada has the coolest bus system ever. They're buses are ridiculously fast. You can get anywhere you need to in about 15-30 minutes. My brother gave me some bus tickets, and we hoped on our first bus.
In the mornings, the bus isn't really crowded, but by the middle, or end of the day, everyone is riding on it. Although it's mainly white people by majority, there's some diversity among the passengers (black, arabic, etc). There doesn't seem to be as much racial tension here, as there is in the States. It's kind of nice.
We get to a bus stop, and Andy shows me the map, and where all the buses are, and where we're headed. He looks really cool with his his rimless glasses, and his explorer style backpack. It takes a while for information to sink into brain (mine), lots of talking, and need to see where fingers are pointing. Okay. Got it.
Within a matter of minutes, we were on the next bus that would take us closer to our destination...
the park.
They have this gorgeous park in Ottawa. You simply have to see it, I'd be waisting time trying to describe it. Huge green trees, people playing volleyball and frisbee out here. They have the coolest statues, and stuff. I'll take pic's when I get a chance.
So, we come to the familiar park bench where a handful of people are waiting for Andy to lead the bible study on matthew 19. I'm amazed that a group of people were willing to give up their lunch break, or part of their day, just to be here for this. Andy prays, and then starts going through what he talked about last time. Then, he dives into the Word, but will stop and explain things as he goes. I'm amazed at how the Holy Spirit speaks through my brother even more so than He has in the past. It's literally like hanging out with Jesus. People feel welcomed, and a part of what's going on, and are asking questions, or making comments as well.
Time passes, and my brother gets to the end of the chapter. Then he prays, and we're done. I make every opportunity to meet people, tell them who i am, and find out how they met my brother. It's a really really cool thing.
After all this, we head for home on the bus/car (memory is not my forte). Yes, I know there's a big difference between a car or bus. Thank you Captain Obvious. We came home, Gen prepared the food both nights, and it was wonderful.
Day 3
Monday morning I woke up around 6AM, because I had a terrible dream. It's actually quite humorous, but I'm not reckless enough to share it with the rest of the world.
The sound of my nieces crying and dancing (It's hard to tell the difference when it's early) happened about an hour later. I was so glad to have that day off, since I had been through so much the other two days. I spent some time in my devotions,and enjoyed the beautiful view from my window. Afterwards I took a shower, got dressed, and came downstairs.
To be honest the day was uneventful, and I was really glad. It was just so cool to stop, and look out the window. Maybe read a book, or just take a nap for the afternoon. I swear you could get lost in the clouds, the green trees, and the old buildings in Canada.
So, in short:
I woke up. Read Bible. Daydreamed. Showered. Ate lunch. Checked facebook. Cleaned dishes. Ate dinner. Talked with Andy and Gen. Went to bed.
Riveting stuff,huh?
I just realized that we went to play squash (think raquetball) with Jon Ruby that day. They have a really cool community center that has weight lifting, hockey, swimming, you name it, indoors. We grabbed a slice of bacon and pepporoni pizza for lunch afterwards. my right arm was killing me, and I think my ego went down a few notches since Jordan (john's 10 year old son) kicked the snot out of me at 4 out 5 games in a row. man, am i out a shape.
The sound of my nieces crying and dancing (It's hard to tell the difference when it's early) happened about an hour later. I was so glad to have that day off, since I had been through so much the other two days. I spent some time in my devotions,and enjoyed the beautiful view from my window. Afterwards I took a shower, got dressed, and came downstairs.
To be honest the day was uneventful, and I was really glad. It was just so cool to stop, and look out the window. Maybe read a book, or just take a nap for the afternoon. I swear you could get lost in the clouds, the green trees, and the old buildings in Canada.
So, in short:
I woke up. Read Bible. Daydreamed. Showered. Ate lunch. Checked facebook. Cleaned dishes. Ate dinner. Talked with Andy and Gen. Went to bed.
Riveting stuff,huh?
I just realized that we went to play squash (think raquetball) with Jon Ruby that day. They have a really cool community center that has weight lifting, hockey, swimming, you name it, indoors. We grabbed a slice of bacon and pepporoni pizza for lunch afterwards. my right arm was killing me, and I think my ego went down a few notches since Jordan (john's 10 year old son) kicked the snot out of me at 4 out 5 games in a row. man, am i out a shape.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Second Day
It's time for church, and my bed couldn't have been any cleaner or softer. Eat your heart out Waldork & Historia, b/c you don't have anything on my brother and sister in-law. I can not describe how amazing my towel was. It's almost like it was crafted by angels. So soft and clean. Those who enjoy cleanliness know what I'm talking about. Since I had a good clean shower the night before, all that God required of me was to "do ironing, love shaving, and walk quickly out the front door." I made it to the door looking good, with ironed clothes and everything...except, aww man, my bible. Before I even got the the "bi" in bible, my brother pulled the car around and I raised up the stairs to grab my bible.
We ran a little bit late, but fortunately so did everyone else. I helped my brother carry musical equipment, and instrutments into the community center in downtown Ottawa. As we're setting up, I'm constantly meeting new faces, and trying different techniques to remember their names. One guy's last name was becker, so he instantly became "Dr. Becker" as Ted Dancin so brilliantly plays it.
As things are set up, I talk with a few different people, and try to find out each person's story. Worship (with Gen, my sista in law, she's awesome) starts up, but unfortunately we have some problems with the old peavey mixer. Voices come in and out, but worship carry's on. My brother, embarassed by the distraction and holding a screaming child a the same time, steps in and addresses the problem. However, then he asks the congregation if they have a word of encouragement for the Body that morning. People step and speak out about what they've heard God speak to them from their devotions, or maybe even a special word that God gave them that morning. It was really cool. Afterwards, the worship continued without the speakers, mics, and cables. It was beautiful and sincere, as everyone sang louder together. Then my brother decided to have everyone, as the Scripture says, Stand up, Lift your hands in the sanctuary and say at the top of their lungs, "PRAISE THE LORD!" This also was really cool.
My brother really did a good job of handling pressure, yet speaking the truth of God's Word into our lives. Romans 7 brought up the difficult subject of Divorce and Re-marriage. I'm not sure if it got recorded, but almost everyone thought that he did well by looking at the whole of Scripture rather than only one section. I'm not sure if the sermon is available on the website, but the others are here: www.calvaryottawa.ca I didn't realize that in the OT, God writes Israel a certificate of divorce. That's huge. Obviously, this wasn't the only thing presented. For the sake of argument (you know who you are), my brother showed that Scripture does not condone divorce, but does give credence to the fact that it will happen. We live in a fallen society built on conceit, and rebellion. Those things prevent us from seeking God who is full of beautiful truth, and presents the notion of radical obedience. It would be wise to get a copy of the sermon, or even perhaps the sermon notes. My brother, although he is on a tight schedule, would love to dissolve any questions, or comments you may have. Since he's my brother, I'm gonna warn you...be nice, or I'll throw Canadian horse manure at you. Trust me you don't want that.
It becomes very clear to me how I can really help my brother out by leading the worship. Gen can take care of my nieces, if I can take care of the worship. Sounds like a good idea to me.
After an awesome meal at a place called "The Works", we went home. Although I was really sleepy, I wanted to hang out with my brother. He had his laptop in the living room, on the couch, so I decided to bring mine. We talked to each other as we checked emails, made plans, and kept up with people in our own ways.He found the apple commercials that are so funny. I found him the Will Ferrell performance of Music of the Night. Got him laughing pretty good.
Then I went on facebook, and told him that one of my friends had just wrote asking how Tavis, and Steven were doing. With a very somber look in my brothers eyes, he told me that Steven died during the summer. I found out later from someone else, that he had committed suicide on a drug overdose. It was a real blow to my brother, as he seemed to drift away into a state of melancholy. The only way I can desribe how this made me feel was like having an anvil dropped in my lap. I had just met Steven a few months ago, and he seemed like a nice guy. Andy proceeded to tell me how Steven was loved by many people. He showed me where there was a group on facebook to remember fond memories of Steve, and people were encouraged to write. (Remembering Steve Flint)
This presented a new challenge. As a worship leader, what songs can I pick to help people with so much brokenness? I started praying, then I typed a message urging my friends at home to pray as well. Later on, I also contributed to the wall, and dared to bear my soul as I unashamedly spoke of my tears, and how much I was expecting to see him when i came. I encouraged my friend to do the same.
Around 5, we headed for the bible study over in orleans. I met a big looking guy who reminded me of one of my brothers. He puts on a tough face, but inside, he's a big teddy bear. The effects of drugs and alcohol have taken their toll, since he can only speak out of the side of his mouth. He proceeds to jokingly tell me in a gravely voice, "I'm your brother's worst nightmare." Which makes me smile, b/c I can tell whatever was mean has left a long time ago. Well, we looked at the last section of Matthew 25. My brother does such a great job of giving background information, and cultural clues to difficult verses (5 wise virgins and 5 foolish). He also is making sure all the guys have a chance to talk and respond to the passage (sound familiar my SPC people?). It's funny how my mind works. I just loved to listen to my brother talk, and daydream about the jewish wedding he's describing. I started thinking about the parable of the talents, and lo and behold, that's exactly what came next.
I did the best I could to continue my networking skills, and tried to listen as best I could. I got in a great conversation with one guy about bikes, and how Canada is an outdoor enthusiast dream. We talked about a bicyle accidents, how many "clicks" you could get out (think oat) of the tires, and also the world of computers. It was great. I hope to hang out with that guy sometime next week.
We went to a Starbucks, and waited for some people to show up. The first guy (good friend) came, and offerred to buy me some coffee. He asked me, "So, are you going to order a manly drink, or feminine one?" I quickly retorted,"In this place, I can't tell the difference." He let out a good belly laugh, as he patted me on the back. My brother had a heart to heart with our very good friend, while I looked over my devotions. I was amazed at all the things I was learning. Sure enough, just like my brother said, Jon Ruby, and Jason showed up to keep me company. We talked about our mutual apathy towards maintaining devotional time. Well, at least some of us (not me, I like it). Yeah, I know I'm a nerd right? Oh, well. I'll be a geek for God.
My brother joined us at the table with his latte, and we all started talking, and laughing at each other stories.
"
It's an established fact that men laugh louder, longer, and more often than women."
-Men's Relational Toolbox, Gary Smalley and Sons
Caffiene can really get things movin. The night came quickly, and Jason being the good husband called it a night. We all decided to mosy on out fellowshipping as the breeze blows. Somebody calls my brother, and he has to go away for awhile.
So, me and Jon Ruby talk about jericho road, and the people he ministers to. He really has a heart for these guys, and you can tell that God has really done a work in his heart. You can see it in his countenance. I present him with a question of how best to handle accountability for these guys who have substance (alcohol+ drugs) abuse problems, and even some mental hurtles to jump through. He consistently talks about tough love, and how that a person really has to make a decision for themselves. It was a great talk, and I'm glad I got the chance to hear his testimony. You don't have to pull his arm to get him to tell ya. I swear, he reminds me of one of my brothers.
Andy emerges from the shadows unscathed from his chat via cell. It's only the 5th or 6th time I've seen him pick up the phone and actually talk on it. Most of the time he just uses txt messaging, since it's more cost effective. However, some things need to be talked about, not typed about.
Later, I arrive home, and wonder to myself about what I've fallen into. Such a wonderful place where God is doing incredible things! I can't stress this enough. It's almost like the last 2 years of my life have been set up for this short period in Canada. Honestly, I'm really not looking forward to the day I leave. I'm already getting teared up, and I"ve got at least 3.75 months to go (did ya like that Brandon?).
In summation, early bird and lazy bird (early bird's younger brother) go to church, equipment fails, but God's Word prevails, awesome people, awesome lunch, punch in the face from shock, not enough hours on the clock, Hell's angels teddy bear, men's bible study w/ prayer, Coffe stop, call won't drop, amazing story, and future warry (worry with NY accent).
We ran a little bit late, but fortunately so did everyone else. I helped my brother carry musical equipment, and instrutments into the community center in downtown Ottawa. As we're setting up, I'm constantly meeting new faces, and trying different techniques to remember their names. One guy's last name was becker, so he instantly became "Dr. Becker" as Ted Dancin so brilliantly plays it.
As things are set up, I talk with a few different people, and try to find out each person's story. Worship (with Gen, my sista in law, she's awesome) starts up, but unfortunately we have some problems with the old peavey mixer. Voices come in and out, but worship carry's on. My brother, embarassed by the distraction and holding a screaming child a the same time, steps in and addresses the problem. However, then he asks the congregation if they have a word of encouragement for the Body that morning. People step and speak out about what they've heard God speak to them from their devotions, or maybe even a special word that God gave them that morning. It was really cool. Afterwards, the worship continued without the speakers, mics, and cables. It was beautiful and sincere, as everyone sang louder together. Then my brother decided to have everyone, as the Scripture says, Stand up, Lift your hands in the sanctuary and say at the top of their lungs, "PRAISE THE LORD!" This also was really cool.
My brother really did a good job of handling pressure, yet speaking the truth of God's Word into our lives. Romans 7 brought up the difficult subject of Divorce and Re-marriage. I'm not sure if it got recorded, but almost everyone thought that he did well by looking at the whole of Scripture rather than only one section. I'm not sure if the sermon is available on the website, but the others are here: www.calvaryottawa.ca I didn't realize that in the OT, God writes Israel a certificate of divorce. That's huge. Obviously, this wasn't the only thing presented. For the sake of argument (you know who you are), my brother showed that Scripture does not condone divorce, but does give credence to the fact that it will happen. We live in a fallen society built on conceit, and rebellion. Those things prevent us from seeking God who is full of beautiful truth, and presents the notion of radical obedience. It would be wise to get a copy of the sermon, or even perhaps the sermon notes. My brother, although he is on a tight schedule, would love to dissolve any questions, or comments you may have. Since he's my brother, I'm gonna warn you...be nice, or I'll throw Canadian horse manure at you. Trust me you don't want that.
It becomes very clear to me how I can really help my brother out by leading the worship. Gen can take care of my nieces, if I can take care of the worship. Sounds like a good idea to me.
After an awesome meal at a place called "The Works", we went home. Although I was really sleepy, I wanted to hang out with my brother. He had his laptop in the living room, on the couch, so I decided to bring mine. We talked to each other as we checked emails, made plans, and kept up with people in our own ways.He found the apple commercials that are so funny. I found him the Will Ferrell performance of Music of the Night. Got him laughing pretty good.
Then I went on facebook, and told him that one of my friends had just wrote asking how Tavis, and Steven were doing. With a very somber look in my brothers eyes, he told me that Steven died during the summer. I found out later from someone else, that he had committed suicide on a drug overdose. It was a real blow to my brother, as he seemed to drift away into a state of melancholy. The only way I can desribe how this made me feel was like having an anvil dropped in my lap. I had just met Steven a few months ago, and he seemed like a nice guy. Andy proceeded to tell me how Steven was loved by many people. He showed me where there was a group on facebook to remember fond memories of Steve, and people were encouraged to write. (Remembering Steve Flint)
This presented a new challenge. As a worship leader, what songs can I pick to help people with so much brokenness? I started praying, then I typed a message urging my friends at home to pray as well. Later on, I also contributed to the wall, and dared to bear my soul as I unashamedly spoke of my tears, and how much I was expecting to see him when i came. I encouraged my friend to do the same.
Around 5, we headed for the bible study over in orleans. I met a big looking guy who reminded me of one of my brothers. He puts on a tough face, but inside, he's a big teddy bear. The effects of drugs and alcohol have taken their toll, since he can only speak out of the side of his mouth. He proceeds to jokingly tell me in a gravely voice, "I'm your brother's worst nightmare." Which makes me smile, b/c I can tell whatever was mean has left a long time ago. Well, we looked at the last section of Matthew 25. My brother does such a great job of giving background information, and cultural clues to difficult verses (5 wise virgins and 5 foolish). He also is making sure all the guys have a chance to talk and respond to the passage (sound familiar my SPC people?). It's funny how my mind works. I just loved to listen to my brother talk, and daydream about the jewish wedding he's describing. I started thinking about the parable of the talents, and lo and behold, that's exactly what came next.
I did the best I could to continue my networking skills, and tried to listen as best I could. I got in a great conversation with one guy about bikes, and how Canada is an outdoor enthusiast dream. We talked about a bicyle accidents, how many "clicks" you could get out (think oat) of the tires, and also the world of computers. It was great. I hope to hang out with that guy sometime next week.
We went to a Starbucks, and waited for some people to show up. The first guy (good friend) came, and offerred to buy me some coffee. He asked me, "So, are you going to order a manly drink, or feminine one?" I quickly retorted,"In this place, I can't tell the difference." He let out a good belly laugh, as he patted me on the back. My brother had a heart to heart with our very good friend, while I looked over my devotions. I was amazed at all the things I was learning. Sure enough, just like my brother said, Jon Ruby, and Jason showed up to keep me company. We talked about our mutual apathy towards maintaining devotional time. Well, at least some of us (not me, I like it). Yeah, I know I'm a nerd right? Oh, well. I'll be a geek for God.
My brother joined us at the table with his latte, and we all started talking, and laughing at each other stories.
"
It's an established fact that men laugh louder, longer, and more often than women."
-Men's Relational Toolbox, Gary Smalley and Sons
Caffiene can really get things movin. The night came quickly, and Jason being the good husband called it a night. We all decided to mosy on out fellowshipping as the breeze blows. Somebody calls my brother, and he has to go away for awhile.
So, me and Jon Ruby talk about jericho road, and the people he ministers to. He really has a heart for these guys, and you can tell that God has really done a work in his heart. You can see it in his countenance. I present him with a question of how best to handle accountability for these guys who have substance (alcohol+ drugs) abuse problems, and even some mental hurtles to jump through. He consistently talks about tough love, and how that a person really has to make a decision for themselves. It was a great talk, and I'm glad I got the chance to hear his testimony. You don't have to pull his arm to get him to tell ya. I swear, he reminds me of one of my brothers.
Andy emerges from the shadows unscathed from his chat via cell. It's only the 5th or 6th time I've seen him pick up the phone and actually talk on it. Most of the time he just uses txt messaging, since it's more cost effective. However, some things need to be talked about, not typed about.
Later, I arrive home, and wonder to myself about what I've fallen into. Such a wonderful place where God is doing incredible things! I can't stress this enough. It's almost like the last 2 years of my life have been set up for this short period in Canada. Honestly, I'm really not looking forward to the day I leave. I'm already getting teared up, and I"ve got at least 3.75 months to go (did ya like that Brandon?).
In summation, early bird and lazy bird (early bird's younger brother) go to church, equipment fails, but God's Word prevails, awesome people, awesome lunch, punch in the face from shock, not enough hours on the clock, Hell's angels teddy bear, men's bible study w/ prayer, Coffe stop, call won't drop, amazing story, and future warry (worry with NY accent).
First Day
So, I was stuck in a layover at an airport in Cleveland, Ohio which the Drew Carey show has made famous with their theme song "Cleveland Rocks". Large guitars with Aerosmith among others is prominently displayed as I walk down the walkavator, or whatever you call those things that push you past those slow pokes who actually use their muscles. I tried to access wireless net at my gate, but to no avail. I guess I don't have enough Irish in me, because my free internet luck had run out. So, there goes my cool idea of writing things in real time. Who really does that anyway?
While I was waiting I met a young girl with trendy clothes holding a very large thin piece of luggage. I pointed out the obvious, when i asked her if she was an artist. She showed me a Polaroid of her baby sister that she used for one of her works. I swear it was difficult to tell the difference between the colored pencils and the glossy photo. I told her about how I used to draw and paint, but would get frustrated because it never looked as good as I saw it. She gave me advice, and told me that perhaps I need to have more patience. Instantly, she produced a cell phone and showed me something really cool. It was called "path of Apollos" and it had a stony path lined with long patches of grass, with a distinctly Greek feel to it. She went on to tell me how she won gold for that particular work, and that only something like 4000 people in the entire U.S. can recieve such a rare prize.
Noticing the long black growth of a guitar case on my thigh, she asked if I was a musician, and whether I liked acoustic, or electric guitar better. I told her about how I was going to help my brother with worship (among other things) for the next 3-4 months in Ottawa, Canada. It's funny how saying anything even remotely religious can end a good conversation, and that's exactly what happened here.
As I was riding in the plane, my two favorite parts were lifting off, and landing. You have to cut through the clouds both times. There's nothing more thrilling to me than see an entire minute of white catch my breath, and cause the plane to jolt a bit. It's alot of fun.
I arrived on time at airport in Syracuse, NY., and suddenly realized how much easier my life would be if I didn't have to bring so much junk. I tried to call my brother a few times, but I couldn't figure out how to dial his cell. After several minutes of resting, doing a giant circle to stretch my legs, I decided to head back to the phone for one last call. Finally, I reached my brother and he was literally outside the terminal.
My brother brought his two daughter and greeted me warmly. I was hungry, and also blissfully unaware that there was a bigger reason for my brother to pick me up in Syracuse. For those who know of the joys of Moe's Southwest Grill, you will understand when a man has not had a burrito like that in 6 months.
After lunch we all climbed in the car, adjusted our seat belts, put on a vegetable dvd of choice, and started down the road. A few times we had to stop because the natives were getting restless and had some energy to burn.
My brother gave me the skinny on schedules, people, and what's going on. I tried to do the same about family, friends, and college, trying to match his precision at catching up. After a long period we arrived at the border. My understanding of what it must be like to be an immigrant has greatly expanded. Canadians are not as intimadating as some countries (Cough America), but still it's nerve wracking to realize that a government employee has the power to admit, or dismiss you for any reason. I had to go by myself, answer a few questions about the nature of my visit, and what I would be doing. I told her that I would be a part of religious work, leading bible studies, playing musical worship, etc. She tells me to have a seat, as she looks over my legal documents, and church letters of recommendation. As I wait, my brother and the girls come by and sit next to me. Eventually, I get called and recieve a four month visitors pass. It was cool to know that I was in, but I was really hoping I'd get the religious visa. Oh, well. Now, i take my new document and hand it into another Canadian clerk who looks it over, types something into a computer (bring milk home...who knows?), stamps my paper and says "Welcome to Canada."
A short drive showed me an entirely different world. One with large green hills, cottages on little islands, and gorgeous blue skies. Tour guide to the stars, my brother tells me everything I wanted to know and even what i didn't as we drive into Ottawa.
We arrive at my brothers house, a little town house that is very friendly. My sister in law, who has a third child belly gives me a hug, as I walk into the house. Yes, if there's spaghetti and red sauce, it's a good day. After dinner, I insisted on doing the dishes, though i was very tired. In hindsight, it would've been much better to go to bed, and learn where everything was later.
So in summary, two planes, three people, three documents, one new nation, two times at Moes, and spaghetti. A really good day.
While I was waiting I met a young girl with trendy clothes holding a very large thin piece of luggage. I pointed out the obvious, when i asked her if she was an artist. She showed me a Polaroid of her baby sister that she used for one of her works. I swear it was difficult to tell the difference between the colored pencils and the glossy photo. I told her about how I used to draw and paint, but would get frustrated because it never looked as good as I saw it. She gave me advice, and told me that perhaps I need to have more patience. Instantly, she produced a cell phone and showed me something really cool. It was called "path of Apollos" and it had a stony path lined with long patches of grass, with a distinctly Greek feel to it. She went on to tell me how she won gold for that particular work, and that only something like 4000 people in the entire U.S. can recieve such a rare prize.
Noticing the long black growth of a guitar case on my thigh, she asked if I was a musician, and whether I liked acoustic, or electric guitar better. I told her about how I was going to help my brother with worship (among other things) for the next 3-4 months in Ottawa, Canada. It's funny how saying anything even remotely religious can end a good conversation, and that's exactly what happened here.
As I was riding in the plane, my two favorite parts were lifting off, and landing. You have to cut through the clouds both times. There's nothing more thrilling to me than see an entire minute of white catch my breath, and cause the plane to jolt a bit. It's alot of fun.
I arrived on time at airport in Syracuse, NY., and suddenly realized how much easier my life would be if I didn't have to bring so much junk. I tried to call my brother a few times, but I couldn't figure out how to dial his cell. After several minutes of resting, doing a giant circle to stretch my legs, I decided to head back to the phone for one last call. Finally, I reached my brother and he was literally outside the terminal.
My brother brought his two daughter and greeted me warmly. I was hungry, and also blissfully unaware that there was a bigger reason for my brother to pick me up in Syracuse. For those who know of the joys of Moe's Southwest Grill, you will understand when a man has not had a burrito like that in 6 months.
After lunch we all climbed in the car, adjusted our seat belts, put on a vegetable dvd of choice, and started down the road. A few times we had to stop because the natives were getting restless and had some energy to burn.
My brother gave me the skinny on schedules, people, and what's going on. I tried to do the same about family, friends, and college, trying to match his precision at catching up. After a long period we arrived at the border. My understanding of what it must be like to be an immigrant has greatly expanded. Canadians are not as intimadating as some countries (Cough America), but still it's nerve wracking to realize that a government employee has the power to admit, or dismiss you for any reason. I had to go by myself, answer a few questions about the nature of my visit, and what I would be doing. I told her that I would be a part of religious work, leading bible studies, playing musical worship, etc. She tells me to have a seat, as she looks over my legal documents, and church letters of recommendation. As I wait, my brother and the girls come by and sit next to me. Eventually, I get called and recieve a four month visitors pass. It was cool to know that I was in, but I was really hoping I'd get the religious visa. Oh, well. Now, i take my new document and hand it into another Canadian clerk who looks it over, types something into a computer (bring milk home...who knows?), stamps my paper and says "Welcome to Canada."
A short drive showed me an entirely different world. One with large green hills, cottages on little islands, and gorgeous blue skies. Tour guide to the stars, my brother tells me everything I wanted to know and even what i didn't as we drive into Ottawa.
We arrive at my brothers house, a little town house that is very friendly. My sister in law, who has a third child belly gives me a hug, as I walk into the house. Yes, if there's spaghetti and red sauce, it's a good day. After dinner, I insisted on doing the dishes, though i was very tired. In hindsight, it would've been much better to go to bed, and learn where everything was later.
So in summary, two planes, three people, three documents, one new nation, two times at Moes, and spaghetti. A really good day.
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