What it is

I've got to be honest, when I say I'm not doing well, yet I am doing well.
Before you recommend me to the nearest licensed counselor, let me explain.
I did something brave, even for me, this week.
I believe it was the right time, and that conviction is what spurned me to action.
That's my head talking.
I was determined to obey God in all things.
That's my will talking.
I wish that information could sink to my heart and cause it to stop gurgling like a broken washing machine switching from rinse to spin, rinse to spin (think up, down, up, down).
That's my emotions talking.

You now have a snapshot of my soul.
A brief window in time of my mind, will, and emotions at the moment.
I'm reluctant to give this polaroid up, but I know that I need to.

I know I'm not giving full disclosure here, but some things are better left unsaid. Nothing illegal, or unethical.
I will give you a hint. Jimi Hendrix had an ablum entitled: "Axis: Bold as Love".

Let's just say something was triggered in me, and caused a flame to ignite hotter than anything I've felt before.
Almost like the difference between yellow flames, and blue flames. Let me tell you, afterburn is not fun.
Still, at times I sit and think to myself. Man, did that take some guts! I'm trusting Somone wiser and stronger than me.
And I'm also listening to the advice of the very wise who have much needed experience and counsel.
What's done is done. There's no way to reverse it.
That's just what it is.