While going down the roads leading to Texas, I thought about all the places I've lived. Largo, Birmingham, Tallahassee, Dunedin, etc. I think about my childhood, teens, early twenties, college days, and now post graduation. In a sense, I felt like I was moving past all those things, and going back down to zero again.
"...I have been erased, like a canvas washed, by the strokes of grace..."
- "Obsession" by Starfield
I'm going back to my roots. I was born in Mckinney, Texas. It's only about 30 minutes away from where I live right now in Addison. The clinic where they delivered me as a baby is apparently gone. All that's there now is a field of grass. I can't wait to walk through it. Maybe I'll say a prayer, or whip out my guitar and just write a song off the top of my head. I could just quietly walk with my ipod and think to myself.
In the truck, we had some really good conversations. I told Dad about some of my adventures, why I liked a certain secular album, and the pressure that I've felt all my life to be a walking miracle. Although I am living proof that God works in mysterious ways, that doesn't mean that I can walk on water, or raise people from the dead. Only Jesus can do that stuff. I really didn't have much choice in being born to a set of parents who decided to have a vasectomy (advertizing still says it's 99.9% proven to prevent pregnancy).
Dad had some concerns about my future plans, and whether my outlook was still anti-materialism. I told him that my last trip to Canada really helped me clear up things. Unfortunately, seeing the poverty in a small house in Mexico City, and listening to a young man fresh from Africa describe the lack of food and medical supplies in his village, are things that will echo in my ears for the rest of my life. I can't ignore the crys of the poor. Still, following Jesus will always be more important than anything else, even helping the poor.
Later on, we had dinner next to our hotel, when finally arrived in Marshall, Tx. My dad didn't know it, but a full belly wasn't the only reason I couldn't finish a third plate at Golden Coral. All I could do was stare at all the people just endlessly eating. Should they feel bad for consuming to their heart's content? I don't know. It's difficult to explain. On the one hand, God has grace, but on the other hand, that leave's us with no excuse. I think there's a verse in the psalms that talks about not wanting wealth, or poverty, but just daily bread. Just enough to live on and be content with. Generally speaking, I don't think Americans realize how blessed they are materially, and how bankrupt they are spiritually. If things don't change the way they're headed now, then perhaps the tables will turn. I really hope it doesn't happen that way though!
I believe that the previous election showed that the American people care about society and the poor. There is a growing movement of young people from a Christian base who are devoted to this cause. However, this past election clearly states that Americans have realized that the governement can't eliminate poverty. Jesus said very clearly, "The poor you always have with you. But you won't always have me with you." Like I said earlier, it's about follwing Jesus, it's the most important thing.
Just like other people my age, all I want to do is work and live. We'll see if that's what God wants to do. Now, that I've written all that I wanted to say, I'm going to bed. Peace out.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Summary of Trip
Highlights:
The young guy who forgot to attach the hitch securely when I was running up the ramp in the black ford on the auto transport, jumping out of the way. One of us urinated in the sink, because he couldn't make it to the bathroom at the hotel. Dad actually refused to eat the frosting off a carrot cake at golden corral, saying, and I quote, "It's too sweet." After driving for almost 10 hours, I couldn't get to sleep, because I thought my extra pillow was a steering wheel. Let the record show, I was more than willing to make it to Dallas by Thursday evening.
Major Stops:
Tallahassee, Pensacola, Biloxi, Baton Rouge, Shreveport, Marshall, and finally Dallas/Addison
Books read/heard
"Same kind of Different as Me", "The Keys to the Kingdom", and "The Boy who went to Heaven."
The young guy who forgot to attach the hitch securely when I was running up the ramp in the black ford on the auto transport, jumping out of the way. One of us urinated in the sink, because he couldn't make it to the bathroom at the hotel. Dad actually refused to eat the frosting off a carrot cake at golden corral, saying, and I quote, "It's too sweet." After driving for almost 10 hours, I couldn't get to sleep, because I thought my extra pillow was a steering wheel. Let the record show, I was more than willing to make it to Dallas by Thursday evening.
Major Stops:
Tallahassee, Pensacola, Biloxi, Baton Rouge, Shreveport, Marshall, and finally Dallas/Addison
Books read/heard
"Same kind of Different as Me", "The Keys to the Kingdom", and "The Boy who went to Heaven."
Pre-Move
The sun gently wakes me up. Missing vertical blinds are to blame. With all the energy of a slug, I turn over. "What time is it? 6 a.m. Why am I awake?" I get up and go for a walk. It's the last time I'm going to do my "square" that I've done since I came home from Canada last year. I was listening to U2 and trying to cherish all the palm trees one last time.
I get back, and go to breakfast with Dad at the restaurant on the corner. We go pick up the U-haul afterwards. Steve J. Kowalski Movers were right on time, and we were glad to see them. Moving can be a really stressful thing, especially for me. Having all the clutterred boxes everywhere just seemed wrong. Praise God for Steve. He made all the chaos disappear in a matter of hours and we were left with half an empty house. I don't think Steve realizes how much of a blessing he is by being the same honest hardworking believer who unabashedly prays with other believers and shares the Gospel with people. If someone we're looking for discipleship, I would tell them to go hang out with Steve.
Evie and Joey were a huge help. Me and my father are not the giants we seem to be. My dad has low back pain, and the injuries I recieved from the car accident a few year ago limit me at times too. I helped where I could, with what I could. I always wish that I could do more, say more, and generally be more than what's humanly possible.
I got a chance to fellowship with Steve while he was working. It was great. I've worked with him before, and I think it was mutually encouraging for both of us. I forget that I got a chance to help out with "Walk on Water", and that production resulted in at least one guy getting saved. That's pretty cool. After all the boxes were put away, me and Steve were still talking. I forgot about the time, and the fact that Dad wanted to meet another friend Andy Malkie at the same restaurant we went to for breakfast.
It was great to talk to Andy about art, how he started drawing, and his thoughts about different topics. He had his baby girl with him, and she was definitely a cutie. She would get fussy when no one would pay attention to her, but was pretty good. Dad had an idea for a gospel track for church folks, and Andy had put together some sketches to go with his idea. They were really good. I hope to see it put together someday, even if it's just for friends and family.
We came back home. I was still weary from my six hours of sleep, since someone wouldn't stop snoring (even at a distance). I checked my cell for a text from an old friend from college. It was Brandon, and he wanted to meet up. I picked the place and time that was most convenient for both of us.
My friend Brandon, who was part of a men's group I led at SPC, is now a pastor at Apostolic Baptist Church. I found out he's not the senior pastor, but in a lineup. They're going to gradually pull him up to the pulpit. We talked about things going on in my life with family, and future plans. He gave me a really good quote from his senior pastor. "No one can control the hand of God." Amen! My opinion matters very little to what God wants to accomplish. I talked about how I felt like that my will and God's will are not always the same. In fact, most of the time, they're diametrically opposed. In fact, I've analyzed the last ten years, and even the past year, and usually what I want, does not usually happen. What God wants, however, always happens, and I'm usually better off for it. The challenge of the Christian walk is to present ourselves honestly saying what we want, but submitting to what God wants instead. I had to leave to make it back home for the last socail outing of the day...cracker barrel.
Evie, Joey, Dad, me, and our good friend, Mark Scotti all met together at Cracker Barrel, just like used to earlier this year. We had a lot of fun talking about all kinds of things. Food, thanksgiving plans, and getting on the road. My favorite part of the night was hanging out with Mark in the car. It was good fellowship for us both.
I get back, and go to breakfast with Dad at the restaurant on the corner. We go pick up the U-haul afterwards. Steve J. Kowalski Movers were right on time, and we were glad to see them. Moving can be a really stressful thing, especially for me. Having all the clutterred boxes everywhere just seemed wrong. Praise God for Steve. He made all the chaos disappear in a matter of hours and we were left with half an empty house. I don't think Steve realizes how much of a blessing he is by being the same honest hardworking believer who unabashedly prays with other believers and shares the Gospel with people. If someone we're looking for discipleship, I would tell them to go hang out with Steve.
Evie and Joey were a huge help. Me and my father are not the giants we seem to be. My dad has low back pain, and the injuries I recieved from the car accident a few year ago limit me at times too. I helped where I could, with what I could. I always wish that I could do more, say more, and generally be more than what's humanly possible.
I got a chance to fellowship with Steve while he was working. It was great. I've worked with him before, and I think it was mutually encouraging for both of us. I forget that I got a chance to help out with "Walk on Water", and that production resulted in at least one guy getting saved. That's pretty cool. After all the boxes were put away, me and Steve were still talking. I forgot about the time, and the fact that Dad wanted to meet another friend Andy Malkie at the same restaurant we went to for breakfast.
It was great to talk to Andy about art, how he started drawing, and his thoughts about different topics. He had his baby girl with him, and she was definitely a cutie. She would get fussy when no one would pay attention to her, but was pretty good. Dad had an idea for a gospel track for church folks, and Andy had put together some sketches to go with his idea. They were really good. I hope to see it put together someday, even if it's just for friends and family.
We came back home. I was still weary from my six hours of sleep, since someone wouldn't stop snoring (even at a distance). I checked my cell for a text from an old friend from college. It was Brandon, and he wanted to meet up. I picked the place and time that was most convenient for both of us.
My friend Brandon, who was part of a men's group I led at SPC, is now a pastor at Apostolic Baptist Church. I found out he's not the senior pastor, but in a lineup. They're going to gradually pull him up to the pulpit. We talked about things going on in my life with family, and future plans. He gave me a really good quote from his senior pastor. "No one can control the hand of God." Amen! My opinion matters very little to what God wants to accomplish. I talked about how I felt like that my will and God's will are not always the same. In fact, most of the time, they're diametrically opposed. In fact, I've analyzed the last ten years, and even the past year, and usually what I want, does not usually happen. What God wants, however, always happens, and I'm usually better off for it. The challenge of the Christian walk is to present ourselves honestly saying what we want, but submitting to what God wants instead. I had to leave to make it back home for the last socail outing of the day...cracker barrel.
Evie, Joey, Dad, me, and our good friend, Mark Scotti all met together at Cracker Barrel, just like used to earlier this year. We had a lot of fun talking about all kinds of things. Food, thanksgiving plans, and getting on the road. My favorite part of the night was hanging out with Mark in the car. It was good fellowship for us both.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Custodian
While I was cleaning the tub today, part of our weekly ritual of keeping things clean for Josh, I was thinking about becoming a custodian. I actually enjoy cleaning things. I know it doesn't pay a whole lot, and is way below my education level, but what else can anyone do these days? I've come a long way from thinking of myself as some entertainment big shot, to a janitor. I think doing that C.N.A. training stuff was one of the best decisions I've made yet. Whether I realized it or not, it helped me learn how to be a servant again. I'm just a man, nothing more. Jesus is the Christ. That's what I'm learning.
Wendy's
Last thursday I had a great meeting with Bill Johnston at Wendy's. Bill is an awesome man of God, who is genuine, and has a great sense of humor. I'm not just saying that because he bought me lunch either. We really talked about this, that, and the other. I felt that God was moving me out of the youth/worship ministry phase into something different. I was looking for more of a career that would enable me to be a light and share the Gospel at the same time (i.e. assistant manager, office clerk, mechanic, etc.). He shared how that at one time he was so certain of being called to the youth ministry that he was willing to give up his job as an E.M.T. with St. Cloud, and go into the ministry full time. It never happened. Sometimes, you find that the ministry continues, but on a different page. Bill still meets with college students, and others to encourage them. I can't tell you how awesome this is. His other piece of wisdom for me was really good. "Sometimes we can beat ourselves up worse than the enemy ever could, and judge ourselves harsher than our Heavenly Father ever would." We also talked about jobs, what's it like to be an E.M.T., and other stuff. By the time the conversation is drawing to a close, I totally forget that he's really this important guy. He's the fire chief for the city of St. Cloud, but he also genuinely loves Jesus. Thursday was a tough day, since I read my ex-girlfriend's name in an email. I had mixed emotions about it. I was glad that she was still in fellowship, but also felt sad about everything that happened last year. How do you explain in an hour, what's happened in a year? Before he left, Bill's warm hand on my back, and the genuine look from his eyes told me that he really meant it when he said, "I love ya brother, and I'll be praying for ya." It was exactly what I needed to hear. I'm looking forward to the next meeting, and being able to share more of what's going on in my life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)