Some Observations

It’s been good for me to be here at Andy and Gen’s house. It’s so quiet and beautiful. I’ve had many opportunities to just listen to the wind blow, or watch the sun cover the plants. I’m really into symbolism and there are some things I’ve taken note of.

The Wind.
The air is so crisp and cool that one day this past week, all the doors, and windows in the house were open. A soft breeze would blow through the house, and it was just great. I thought of how the understanding of my heart had changed. My heart’s not a dumpster full of trash. It’s a house for God to live in. It’s interesting because that particular day I thought to myself. God all the doors, and windows in my heart are open. Come blow through this house with Your presence.

The Plants
In the backyard, there’s a variety of lush vegetation and herbs. It’s been a real treat to have garden fresh tomatoes, or freshly chopped basil with a meal. I’ve spent several afternoons being quite, and just watching the sunshine on the flowers, and the plants. I thought to myself, How wonderful is this? God has set things in place to grow organically without my help at all. Granted my brother, and sister in law may have put the seeds in and taken care of them, but God is the one who created seeds, and seasons. They grow because that is the system God has put in place and it’s beautiful to see. I thought to myself, God help my roots go down deep. So, that I can soak in the warmth of your grace. Just like the sun.

The Puzzle
J.C. took me over to his house this past Sunday and showed me how skillful a carpenter he is. I went downstairs and saw his workshop. Puzzles, piggie banks, and all manner of crafts abounded everywhere. From tiny little guitars, to a striking cobra snake puzzle still on the table, waiting for the craftsman to help it come to fruition, I listened to him talk about all the wonderful things he had made.

“I made this for my dad. I gave my brother this one. And this is a puzzle that has three layers. I need to change the colors though. It’s not quite right yet.”

I was fascinated by how much skill this guy had. I was starting to wonder what I’ve been doing with all the excess time I have, and whether I could learn a fun trade like this. I was glancing at a shelf full of cool little trinkets, when one in particular caught my eye. It was a three dimensional wooden puzzle that looked like a Jewish star. No, sooner had I motioned to it, then J.C. put it in my hands. He had another one exactly like it, and we walked in the other room to try it out. There are six identical pieces to the puzzle. I kept fiddling with two of them, scratching my head, and trying to remember what the original shape looked like. J.C. showed me how to get one half, but wanted me to try my luck at the other piece. After some time, He showed how to get three pieces together in one hand, and three pieces in the other. That’s where the tricky part is. Putting both halves together. There has to be a little wiggle room between both pieces, but when they finally lock, it’s the best feeling of accomplishment in the world.

I was able to take the puzzle home, and keep trying it out. I eventually got it down to a science, and can put it together in less than five minutes. However, I dropped one of the six pieces, and the edge of a corner got broken. The puzzle still works, but the damage has been done. I thought to myself how this puzzle could represent two souls becoming one. A soul has three components; mind, body, and emotions. In light of recent truth, I’ve discovered that my emotions have been damaged...just like that broken edge. Now, it may very well be that I can glue that corner back, or get J.C. to build an entirely new piece. But as I said before, the damage has been done. My soul can still fit in with my future spouse’s, if that’s God’s will, but that part of my soul will always be chipped. I’m asking God to help me overcome this generational curse of depression, hurt, and lies. Also, for Him to help me with what I can’t do…overcome my own body, heal my heart, and restore what can’t be bought,and create what can't be grown. To me, marriage is a puzzle. It’s a mystery how a man and a woman can somehow become this great collaboration, this beautiful work of art. Two souls inexplicably tied together to form this one great thing.

The Song
“God is able to heal if you listen,
And He’ll show you His will if you listen,
But you’ve gotta be still, and just listen, listen,
Come back, to your, first love, first love..”
-“First Love” by Kirk Franklin

It's intersting how that part about being still reminds me of something my mom would say when i was a kid. "Be still." Stop moving and wiggling. I think I have a tendency to rush around full of energy, and not just chill. I could learn a whole lot just by resting, and not fidgeting so much. God really is tugging at my heart to come back to that place of just flowing with His Spirit. I just want my heart to be enraptured with who He is, and have a healthy obsession with just His presence. He is so much better than anything I think I need. Food, money, good feelings, a wife, a house, etc., just can’t match everything that He is. I used to know this so well. I really don’t know what happened. Praise God! He’s willing to cripple me, if it causes me to be closer to Him. Just like Jacob, I’ve wrestled with God and man, and won. I knew I was going to have an encounter with God, but I didn’t know that I might not be able to walk the same afterwards.

The Prayer
God help me never forget You. Help me remember how good You’ve always been, and always will be. Worship should be more than words on a page. More than a great feeling, an aesthetically pleasing melody or a few rhythmic strums on a guitar. I worship You God, because You are Life, and apart from You, I have no good thing. You’re it. You’re the only One worth saying anything about, or writing about. I thank You. No, I thank You, Lord Jesus. There is no one like You. There is no one like You. You are holy. The nations are Your inheritance. You will be glorified in all the earth. You will be glorified in all the nations. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I can’t say it enough. I can’t live it enough. I can’t breathe it enough. Thank you. May ever syllable I use, bring glory to You.