Tonight

"I know something is broken,
And I'm trying to fix it,
trying to repair it,
anyway I can."

-Coldplay "X and Y"

It's a very melancholy song off an album of the same name. I really enjoy their music. For some reason, I was thinking of the words while walking around Publix tonight. I guess I just needed to take a break from the house for awhile.

I walked up and down the aisles. It was a beautiful grocery store. Think new building with very clean feel. A lady passes by me with her kids, and they start misbehaving. She decides to take everyone home, since this is a last ditch effort to complete a child's homework project, and it isn't the mom's fault. I thought to myself, "Thank God, I'm not in that situation right now."

Don't get me wrong. Someday, I would love to get married and raise a family of my own, but I don't think it's going to happen anytime soon. Perhaps that's the way it should be for now.

In my mind, the way I think it should go is the following; 1. Stable Career, 2. Transportation, and 3. Housing. The chance of me achieving, even just one of these objectives in order to ask someone on a date is not good right now. Did I have any of these things when I asked someone out last year? No. People just let me borrow things, or arrangements were made out of spontaneous generosity. That's great if you're single, but you can't live that way married.

This brings up the possibility that I am destined to be single. An older man in Perth, who I respected, suggested this. I think he's dead wrong, but that's just my opinion. Some things are not cut and dry. I don't go to God praying "Lord, what color should my clothes be that I wear today?" It's not that I think that God wouldn't mind hearing one of His children pray, but isn't it enough that I have clothes to wear? I should go to God praying, "God this is what I'd really like to wear. But, I'm willing to use the clothes You provide." Sorry, I guess that's kinda of a weird example, huh? Right now, I have one pair of good jeans, so this is actually a real prayer request.

I was talking with an older pastor at the nearby church, here in St. Cloud. He had two questions that everyone has to answer sometime in their life. "Who do I need to marry?" and "What do I do with my life?" He gave me a piece of wisdom that it's not a single choice, but the series of choices that determines our decisions. He said his wife knew that he was going to ask her to marry him, because of all the other experiences that had happened prior, so she could see it coming.

I help people. That's what I do. If I get married, I'll have to find a wife who likes to help people too. I thought I was so close to finding a good candidate for the wife position with my ex last year. I learned a lot though. My expectations are way too high on myself, as well as others. I am not called to full time public ministry. Despite what I wish it to be, I have a very tender heart. I don't have to do what everyone else tells me to do. The list goes on...etc.

I want to write more, but I need to go to sleep.
Good night.

New Song

"To the praise of His glorious name,
May my life be a sacrifice of praise,
Jesus, all glory to your name,
May my life be a sacrifice of praise"

It's the chorus to a new song I just wrote the other day. I really like it, but I don't know if it's for everybody else yet. It's good to be writing again though. I try to keep in mind that what I'm doing is just for fun.

The Crowd

I have a terrible habit of making everything spiritual. But recently, someone shared from Hebrews 11 & 12, and made the correlation between the prophets who suffered, and those who are among the cloud of witnesses. In my own mind, I came up with this modern day thing.

Imagine that Heaven looks down on everyday life, like a football game. When someone makes a bad call, the crowd is upset. When a player is injured, the crowd hushes. When someone makes a good play, the crowd cheers them on. But when someone scores a touchdown, the crowd goes wild!

It's encouraging to know that the saints who have gone on before us know of all the things we experience in this life. Unfair rulings, taking a hit for the team, marching down the field, scoring a touchdown, and sitting out for the season are just a handful of what most players deal with as professional athletes in the NFL.
I think we can relate to all those different emotions as believers. Nothing like scoring a touchdown, where you get down the field and score some points just like sharing your testimony. Two point conversions, are rare, but man are they awesome! Almost exactly like leading someone to Christ. Go for it! Sometimes you go with a field goal attempt, which is hit or miss. That's like inviting someone to a Bible study, or even an a-spiritual place like McDonalds. You may or may not get someone to come. The best strategy though, is to just throw the ball, get the first down, and march up the field to the endzone. That is consistently being the same person, who always is available, and inviting people to be a part of what God is doing. Granted no team is perfect, and a lot of times we drop, or fumble the ball. My brother Ben just told me there are usually 11 guys on either side of the field. That's just one guy short of 12, which is significant, because that's how many disciples Jesus chose to start His kingdom with. So what's my point? A church is like a team. Everybody has to play their position, work together, and stay disciplined. Coaches are very similar to pastors. Their job is to encourage, exhort, and sometimes step in and confront a referee, i.e. elder. Referees also hold coaches in check, so it's a two way system.

It's hard when your team doesn't show up to play, that's like finding a good church that's growing. You're guaranteed to feel the pain of being on the field at times, the enemy or even believers can really knock ya down. It can be frustrating when leadership doesn't have a handle on things, or make good decisions, similar to a pastor who does not cast clear vision, or lead others in it. The worst is when you're out for the season. You're sitting on the bench and watching all your teammates play. But it's just for awhile, and once everything gets healed up, you'll be back in the game soon enough. It is possible as a believer to burn out, get beat up, and be pulled out from ministry for awhile. You learn a lot from coaches, and other seasoned players.

My illustration falls apart when looking for a place for God though. So, it will all have to unravel. Still, I thought it was pretty cool to think of life this way. Professional football players are probably not all disciples of Jesus, but it's an interesting thought.

Wait

One of the ways me and Josh bond at times, is when we play video games. One of which is, "Call of Duty 2" for the xbox 360. The other day, we finally got to the American campaign, and the simulation of D-day, and storming the beaches of Normandy. Josh never wants to play, but he likes to watch me play it. At times, I forget to use strategy, and just run out on the field trying to take out as many Germans as I can. After a while, you learn to wait, fire, and stay alive. There was one section, where I didn't listen to the platoon leader on the game, and got decimated by a German panzer tank.

"Wait for reinforcements."

Once, I did, an huge American tank came and blew away the Panzer. I know it's just a cheesy video game, but I thought how applicable that is to my life. Sometimes, we need to take a step back and wait. I can get in such a hurry to get to the next thing, that I loose track of what's right in front of me.

Right side up

I have to say it's been great to have a classic Sunday morning service, followed by lunch, and then some fellowship with NFL on TV these past few weeks. To me, this just feels right side up. It's a schedule I used to follow without even thinking about it, when I lived in Tallahassee, and even when I moved back to Clearwater with my brother Tim. It probably goes back further even than that. Perhaps my Dad is the founder of this tradition, but it's seems like a long time since I've observed it. I consider it an American thing, at least in our family.