That's where I want to be. Wide open to serve God how He wants me to.
"Surrender don't come natural to me, I'd rather fight you for something I don't really want, then to take what You give that I need..."
- Rich Mullins from "Hold me Jesus".
I need forgiveness. I need love. I need light. I need Jesus.
Unfortunately, I've had to find out the second line from the same song as well.
"...And I've beat my head against so many walls, that I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees."
When I choose to disregard God, and do what I think is logical, there's a good chance I will be beating my head against a brick wall. This is not an argument against logic, but against willful disobedience (not acknowledging Him in all my ways). I could give a few examples. Moving to Texas for instance was something I chose to do logically, I really didn't pray, or seek the Lord on it. Good thing, God is gracious and sovereign, huh?
The only good thing about doing this moronic process is the part where I am physically exhausted from trying to do everything on my own. That's where I surrender to God and pray for His will in my life, instead of battling Him with my own. I've mentioned it several times, but I think now I know without a shadow of a doubt, that I don't need to be anywhere near movies and the entertainment industry. For me, there's too great of a temptation to exalt myself, and forget about God.
These days I'm trying to think small, not big. I plan on serving at my church as a greeter, unless the Lord shows me otherwise. I enjoy encouraging people and committing to serve might help me stay consistent with attending on Sunday mornings. I know neither make me holy, only the blood of Jesus does that, but they are both things I want to do.
Please pray for me. Thanks. :)
