Familiarity Breeds Love?

I did something that I haven't done in two years. Open an old bible study guide called "The Word as a Way of Life" something that I used to read all the time. Why did I ever stop? Rediscovering God's Word and the love I once had for it, is even better then when I first started. It doesn't hurt to have the sounds of Christmas music in the background. As I was reading Matthew chapter one, I wondered if Joseph would pat Mary's very pregnant belly and sing, "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas?" Probably not, but it's a funny thought.

I also was curious why no one's written Christmas songs from the angle of Elizabeth, Zechariah, and John the Baptist? All those people were instrumental in this awesome God ordained arrangement of Jesus birth too. Granted it's all about Jesus, but I guess I try to think outside of the box, and look at things from a different perspective.

So, doing laundry, reading the Bible, and decorating our little artificial Christmas tree. I may also get a walk in the cold cold winter weather, because the sun decided to actually shine. It's been overcast lately, and I tend to get really depressed. Yes, I know how dumb that sounds, but it's true.

Also, I want to leave a short thanks for my Grandpa. It was wonderful visiting him and Grandma for Thanksgiving. He left a brochure on "God's Word is under Attack!" on his desk and I actually read it. How is it possible to forget that the enemy will always try to get me to doubt God's Word? After I read the brochure, I had renewed confidence in God's Word being true. Now, I don't necessarily agree that everyone should only read the King James Version, but neither do I agree that everyone should read anything but the King James Version as God's Word. That's just my opinion, and it may change.

My problem isn't the ability to read the Bible, it's the old saying "familiarity breeds contempt" by Mark Twain. I've read the Bible dozens of times in several non-heretical versions, including King James Version. What I think is changing is allowing God's Word to read into me and my life. Not just offering up flowery poetic prayers, but honest broken prayers filled with emotion.

I'm listening to very familiar Christmas songs. I could just let them pass me by without thinking about how exceptional Jesus is. What would we be singing each year if He never came? Would their be songs of celebration, redemption, and love of and for God? Who knows?

All I know is that I want to face the past, and not run from it. Listening to Christmas music while reading the Bible is a good idea. It's like falling in love again. Merry Christmas.

Here are two websites that I thought were intersting and gave me some insight on Twain's quote "Familiarity Breeds Contempt".

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/marktwain107757.html

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shift-mind/201010/does-familiarity-breed-contempt

I'm no angel

"But I am not surprised! Even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light."
II Corinthians 11:14 NLT

It's easy to fall into Satan's traps. He's been decieving mankind since the beginning. He knows exactly what to say, and how to say it to get us to follow his stupid advice. But most Christians, including myself, already know all this. But I thought of something new yesterday, that hadn't crossed my mind before.

If Satan can change "himself as an angel of light", the purpose would be to make us believe him completely and think of him as nothing more innocent than one of God's messengers.

I am constantly thinking things about myself that may not be true throughout the day as most people do. But I didn't consider, as a good man I know pointed out, that Satan may be trying to lie to me by pretending to be the most trusting person I know...myself.

Things like: "God has abandoned you. You have no future. You will never marry or be a husband and father. You will never be able to be a part of ministry as a laymen or otherwise. When you need help the most, no one will be there."

I know that none of those things are true. I have the Word of God, the Bible, to tell me otherwise on several of those things, and I'm sure most of my friends would consider those statements to be ridiculous. Most lies are. I have yet to hear a lie that someone has truly believed that was not absolutely positively far fetched. God is constantly aware of us, and with us. God has plans for a great future, it's a place called Heaven, where all the souls that I shared the Gospel with will be. I've only lived 30 years, how can I know what will happen in the next 30 years? With God all things are possible, including marriage, and being a father. Although not everyone is called to full time ministry, everyone is qualified and able to minister all the time. GOD WILL BE FAITHFUL. That was the big theme that I found in serious studies of the Scipture. How could I spend so much time in deep fellowship, worship, evangelism, and so on, and not remember what God had spoken to my heart? GOD WILL BE FAITHFUL. Satan wants me to think the opposite that God will drop the ball. I have yet to find a verse that states that in Scripture. In fact, I find that humanity drops the ball, but God keeps everything in place.

You may laugh at my set of lies that the enemy shoots like arrows at my heart, but I'm sure that you have your own that are pretty silly too.

Anyway, just some random thoughts for the day. Going for some fellowship, and a dose of truth. I'm looking forward to tithing for the first time in a while. I actually was cracking myself up by taking the song "You can fly!" from Disney's Peter Pan, and making it "You can tithe, you can tithe, you can tithe!" Off I go to church. Pray for me. :)

Coffee, Theology, and Me

For some reason, I feel like writing tonight. It's not that I think I have anything special to say, it's just something I feel like doing. I had a great talk with a friend about coffee, theology, and my story. It's not often I get a chance to really tell someone everything that's going on in my life.

The conversation was really encouraging, and I needed to hear a lot of things that were said. It's very easy for me to fall into a trap of performance based acceptance, and forget about the grace of God. I loved the illustration that Steve showed me of a bike going down the road of grace, and the two ditches of license, and liberality you can fall into on the left or right. When I was a kid I used to love riding my bicycle. I could do tricks, like putting my legs on the handlebars, balancing the bars without my hands, and even balancing the weight of my body on the main bar. The reason I mention all this is that I think spiritually I've become so focused on staying on the road, that I've forgotten that I can have fun. The road is there to provide freedom, obviously with responsibilty, but it just really made sense to me.

Although God has been restoring me back to worship, and even volunteering to lead Bible discussions, I don't do so naively. I understand perfectly well that I have an enemy who is not happy with my decisions.

"For God has not given us the spirit of fear,
but of love, power, and a sound mind" (II Timothy 1:7)

Slowly, I am learning to depend on Christ. Normally, I would say that I am coming back to my old self, but that's not true. God has shown me my life in a totally different way and it requires me to change. I'm not perfect. There's no formula for righteousness. I will fall and make mistakes. Thank God for his "grace that is greater than all our sin." It's not a license, but it's not a burden either.

It's cooperating with a very generous friend,
It's knowing that I never have to put up my guard again,
The courage to speak out, instead of holding it in,
Letting tears out, holding love within,
It's everything I'm missing, when I don't confess my sin,
Much more then the blessing, I'm saying over and over again,
Love is too small a word to contain it, it's impossible to drain it,
It's grace.
It's grace.
It's grace.
It's grace.
And it's grace.

Hope you like my poem/lyrics. I just made it up.

Goodnight.

Time

Wow. It's been a long time since I've typed anything on my blog here. Some of it is on purpose, because I haven't finished any books lately. I didn't realize that prospective employers can view what I post here, so it's good to be mindful of what I write.

I've been reading my journal that I wrote over six months ago and remembering what was going on in my life and comparing it to today. It's really cool when you can see change in your life. I had a lot of those, "Did I really think that?" moments.

Tonight, will be the first time I've led worship in a public setting in over a year in a half. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it's a really big step for me. I'm glad this time I'm not by myself, that I'm playing with a group at my church, and it's going to be fun.

This past week has been just, to coin a phrase from "Nickelous Nickelby" by Charles Dickens, "wondrous strange". I was just very peaceful for no reason at all. I think it's just a whole bunch of things at once. I can't really figure it out, and really don't desire to. I was thinking about that line from the hymn "O Victory in Jesus" that says "and somehow Jesus came and brought to me the victory."

If anyone's praying out there, thanks, and I owe you one.

"Is God to Blame?"

"Is God to Blame?" by Gregory A. Boyd.

All my friends are probably sick of me going on and on about this book. I really enjoyed it, and it was very encouraging to me.

For me it was helpful to see how bad theology can cause some people to abandon the faith. I love how this author takes us from viewing God as this figure who's out there somewhere to Jesus being the "exact imprint" of God. There's actually a lot of deep theology going on, and quite a bit of discussion on Romans 9 toward the end, but the best thing about this book is that it helps when you're hurting. I didn't realize until reading this book, that we can read verses from a philosophical slant. The author refers to it as "the blueprint worldview", and I love how he substitutes it for a "warfare worldview". Take a look around, does life look like a picnic to you? Something terrible has happened to creation. There's a cosmic spiritual battle going on that we know even less about, then we do the complexity of creation. What's worse is how God gets the blame, while Satan gets off scott free. God's will is always good, not evil. He hates wickedness, that's why He sent His Son. No, God is not to blame. Sometimes, it's the enemy, and/or other people.

This book has brought back a small spark of passion that I thought was gone forever. After all, how can I love God, if He's the One who has given me all these problems? How can I trust Him, if he is the orchestrator of all the pain in my life? Those are real questions, and they deserve real answers. This book points to Jesus, and helps clarify difficult passages, and break down ridiculous worldviews.

Although, to the best of my knowledge, this book seems to nudge the opposite direction of Calvinism (Arminianism), I still believe that Scripture supports both. I just needed a reminder of Jesus, in a way that wasn't superficial, as the man who suffers with me, not the great cosmic architect who has nothing to do with me.

In short, it's a good read, lots of Scripture, and wets my appetite for theology. If that's what taking theology courses is like, sign me up.

Facebook, and such

So, I'm going on day 23 of no facebook. I said some pretty stupid things about somebody, and I had to apologize. I decided then and there, to take a break from facebook. It's funny. I didn't realize that facebook will send you emails letting you know how long it's been since you've checked your account.

After next Monday I will access my account, I promise. I guess my last status update sounded kind of cryptic "need prayer". There was a lot going on at the time, and I decided to pull the plug for awhile.

Paul Baloche is going to play at my church this Friday, and I'm excited about that. Tickets were dirt cheap, only $10, and Bent Tree is a great place for an artist to come play. So, I think it's going to be good.

I'm also working on a "lifemap" which is a testimony that I've decided to do as a video. It's not an easy process for me to work through, but I think it is profitable. There's a saying I've heard that I really disliked at first, but I'm starting warm up to. "We neither want to dwell in the past, nor forget it." I would rather forget a lot that has happened recently, but if I did, then no one else would benefit from it, and God would not be given a chance to redeem what has happened to me for His purposes.

McKinney

I finally got to make the long trip to the city I was born in. It's a very rural place, but the downtown area looks great with different shops everywhere. They converted the old courthouse into a performing arts center, and it looks like it came out of "Hill Valley" from "Back to the Future".

Seriously, it's important for me to really discover what life was like before I was born. I usually learn best by seeing things, and if McKinney can be restored from nothing into something, maybe I can too?

We got to see "Central Baptist Church" were my father was the pastor who preached so hard that his suit was covered in sweat. My mom said he looked like he had been in the rain every Sunday.

It was fun hearing stories about Andy, Ben, and my sister Evelyn when they were all very young. I had no clue that one of my older siblings had no desire to be a preacher. I'll give you three guesses.

Although we got to see some great shops, and even ventured on further to other cities to see where we lived in Allen, and Lewisville. I still have yet to find the exact location of Mitchell Maternity Clinic. I took a couple of "photographs", yes that word does still exist, of some books to look up at the local library.

I know that it doesn't matter to somebody else, but it means something to me to find this patch of earth. It's were I started, and God willing, it's where I want to start all over again.

Something New

I'm excited about some of the things God is doing in my life. New songs. New friendships. Fresh revelation of truth that I understood with my head, but forgot with my heart. I've just written a song called "New Creation" based off the verse in II Corinthians 2:17.

To be honest, I just sat down Sunday afternoon glanced at a list of verses to memorize and thought someone should write a song based off that verse. I think God moved through the song to minister to my heart. I was actually weeping by the end of the song. So, this theme of being a new creation just is resonating deep within me, and I'm going for my usual walk around the block with my ipod when this hymn came on. Yes, I know how unusual it is for someone my age to have "America's 100 Best Loved Hymns" on my ipod, but I do. They're actually really good. I can't believe people don't sing them anymore.

"The Church's one foundation,
is Jesus Christ her Lord,
She is His "new creation" ,
By water and the Word,
From Heaven He came and sought her,
To be His holy bride;
With His own blood He bought her,
And for her life He died,"- "The Church's one foundation" (empasis and quotes mine).


Cool, huh?

It's even cooler to find out one of my best friends, Matt, just got engaged this past Sunday and another friend Benny from college is getting married too. It's kinda crazy to think that God has used my life in some way in their lives. I'm excited to see what God will do next.

Forgotten Wonderland

It's strange to wake up to a wintry wonderland. As I type this, I'm watching the falling snowflakes in my backyard. Now, they've stopped. I guess they were just falling from the branches in the trees, and the ledges near them. I still remember the first time I saw snowflakes. I was in Ottawa walking down a long street, listening to my ipod, and the song "You" by Hillsong came on.

I remember sharing my testimony once for a three month discipleship course I took in Canada. I think I said something about the "how's" of life, aren't as important as the "why's". I guess I've forgotten that lately. I've been so busy trying to figure out things in my life, that I forgot something more important. For instance,

"The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer;..." Ps 18:2

Where is it necessary for me to apply mental exercise to understand this? If God truly is what keeps me grounded, then why do I need to have a five year plan, know which school to go to, or have a career in mind?, etc. I'm not saying that any of these things aren't useful, or that any of them aren't important, but they aren't the most important.

The reason I bring all this up is that no one planned for an ice storm here in North Texas, yet here it is. How do you know that you'll be alive in five years, or able to finish your degree before dying? How do you know if the career you're in, isn't what God has called you to? I agree with C.S. Lewis that this life is indeed the shadowlands. Everything can shift and change at any moment.

I know that my blog tends to make me sound like I'm on soapbox, so I'll finish up here. I've asked God to help me re-learn verses like,

"I am determined not to know anything among you, except Christ and Him crucified."
-I Corinthians 2:2

I take whatever ideas and notions I have for vocation, or life planning and offer it up to God. If it's God's will, it will be provided for. If it's not His will, it will not be taken care of. Worrying about all the details of life has never helped me. Spending that same amount of mental energy focusing on the Father who has sustained life since the beginning, the Author of Life, has always been good.

God help be self-disciplined, and spend more time on You than I do on myself.

Perspective

In the book, "The Phantom Tollbooth", Milo uses a periscope to see the scary demon yelling at him is actually much smaller than he says he is. This changes everything in the story. As the protagonist, Milo is no longer stuck, he can overcome his enemy and move on toward his goal.

I know that it seems like such a foolish thing to like a book so much, but I really do enjoy this one. I see so many parallels in it. I wish I could list all of them here, but it would take too long.

Put yourself in Milo's shoes. It was frightening to hear someone spouting lies to him. He slowly looks for the periscope someone gave him, and then he's able to see everything clearly again.

In the past few years, I've had several lies screamed at me, but at the same time I have tools that we're given to me. As I've started using them, I've been able to size up my enemy, and it's completely changed the game.

What were the tools? It's more than just reading the Bible. I needed the Living Word of God, whose name is exalted above every other name, to breathe life into the text. I thought about how I take that phrase for granted, "name above all other names". That's like saying the "Authority above all other authorities". So, as the Spirit of God has brought enlightenment, I've been able to see again. I think the prayers of many, and the counsel of the same, was also very helpful. Now, I'm able to see what holds me back, and what my real mission is. The real mission is to make disciples of all nations, preaching and teaching them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I'm not a salesman trying to earn a "Great Commission", but I am a child of God who can be used to teach others about Christ.

In the book mentioned earlier, Milo is lost in a world clouded by confusion and terrorized by ignorance. Sound familiar? It doesn't end that way though. Rhyme and Reason will reign once more, and restore the former glory of the Kingdom of Wisdom. This is similar to Christ's return.

"This is my Father's World" was playing on my ipod while I wrote this earlier and I started crying. It's so comforting to know the promise that GOD is in control even in the midst of such turmoil and suffering in this life. We are still His children, and everything will go according to His plans, not ours.

Faith

I've been reading a book by Francis Chan called "Crazy Love" and a sentence just really nailed me today from chapter 7. "What are you doing right now that requires faith?" It hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that signing up for a film school nearby was not an act of faith, but reason. I reasoned to myself that surely this place with these professional teachers, and good connections could land me a job in the local entertainment industry. There's only one problem with this. Is this what God's calling me to? Or is this what I"m calling me to? I believe it's the latter.

For some reason, I just felt that I had to complete a screenplay for the children's book, "The Phantom Tollbooth". Unfortunately, Warner Bros. started working on a modern version last February, and should have the movie finished by 2013. I had so much of myself wrapped up in that story, that I thought I just had to complete it, somehow.

I've been reading about screenwriting, and it's not for the faint of heart. It's really hard. Also, the entertainment industry, even behind the scenes, is a very demanding environment. I just don't think it's for me. There are some things that are more fun to daydream about, then to actually do.

Also, there's a lot of presumption on my part. I presume that someone actually needs my advice on the music, artwork, locations, casting,etc.,

So, what happens now? I don't know. I fill out applications for employment, meet people at church and community events, and do menial housework. I get to spend time with my parents without having to fight other siblings for attention. I get to spend time with the Lord in His Word, and just enjoy worshiping Him with my guitar. When the cold weather goes away, the pool will look mighty inviting for swimming, and the jacuzzi would be nice to loosen up sore muscles in my neck.

The minute I decided to just forget the whole film thing, I felt such a wonderful peace.

AMTC Audition

Last night's audition was interesting. We were at a really nice hotel called "Westin Inn" and watched a video, followed by a presentation. I don't think the ball got rolling with auditions until around eight o' clock. I was the last audition for the entire night. The reason is that I didn't bring my application that I filled out online, so they gave me a number that was longer. The other problem is that there were several people who were all singers. However, there were only two singer songwriters, me included.

I did one of the songs I wrote called "Christ will shine". Unfortunately, my voice was off key when I came in, but I corrected it, and kept the train moving so to speak. I was asked to perform another one of my songs. I did a song I wrote based off of "Psalm 133" a.k.a. "Running down" song. The two guys who were doing a pre-scouting were scribbling things on their papers, and then I was asked how long I had been playing? And I responded with, since I was 19. So, I guess about ten years. They told me to keep playing. Then, I did a goofy monologue, that at least got them to smile, if nothing else.

So, all in all, I got to learn about a company that is very serious about reaching people with the Gospel through the media (www.amtcworld.com), met some very talented interesting people, and was able to give and recieve encouragement to others. I had a few people ask me how old I was. I told them twenty nine, and they didn't believe me. You look like you could be twenty three. That was really cool.

So, if I get a callback, which I doubt if I will, it should happen before 4pm today. Even if that happens, there's still a lot that God would have to provide for me to be a part of the program. I'm actually really okay with just something simpler. I just wanted to meet some people, and see what this business was all about. So, check it out if you're one of those talented people. Jesus could use a couple of missionaries to help shine in the entertainment industry.

Two comments last night that really stick with me, is our speaker, who said that the entertainment industry is a mission field, and was from south Africa. He said that the entertainment industry is a bigger mission field than anything else. It was definitely a bold statement, and a very interesting one. The other comment came from my Mom, as we were eating McDonalds after starving all night long. "The thing I like about you Jesse, is that you're not a performer. You just like to worship Jesus."

So, it was a good night. Definitely better than staying at home to watch another episode of "The Waltons" and wonder to myself what would've happened had I gone. Now, I go back to looking for work, and cleaning bathrooms. That's life.

Activities

I've been trying to make new friends where I live. I got invited to a few Christmas parties, and met a guy who has some of the same interests I do...writing, acting, music, etc. He was telling me this thing about www.amtcworld.com which stands for "actors, models, and talent for Christ". It looks really cool. I signed up online, and their is an audition a week from today that I'm doing for singer songwriter. It's about 30 seconds, and then I find out whether I make the cut for their program. The program costs anywhere from $1,200 to $2000, but it supposed to help you land an agent. I'm just doing it for fun, to meet people, and see what they have to say about making a positive difference in the media. I got a book for Christmas on Screenwriting. I really have to take a grain of salt with it. Some things I really like, others I endure, and still other things I disagree completely with. It's been good to give me some guidelines, fresh ideas, and constructive criticism.

Well, enough of the fun stuff. I'm also looking for work. There's quite a few employers looking for part time help. Once I have a job, I'm thinking of going down two avenues. There's a medical job which would ensure job security in a very bad economy, and I would do the creative stuff on the side, or I could get my stuff together and go to a local film school, so that I can finally get that movie idea I have into reality, or at least find lucrative work doing what I like to do. No job is ever easy, and work is not supposed to be pleasurable all the time. I'm just trying to do the best I can with what I have. I'm knocking on all the doors, until somebody either opens one, or I build a door and open it myself.

Keep praying

Before I say anything, let me just ask that people would continue praying for my nephew Josh, who has leukemia, and is having another biopsy in his lungs apparently. He's had a fever for the last few weeks, been hospitalized, and the doctors have not found what's causing this.

A blank page can be the scariest thing a writer can look at. All it does is stare back and wonder whether you'll take the time to put something on the line. We thank God for the material blessings He's given us, as well as all the spiritual blessings. It was great having Evelyn, and Joey here in Texas for the holidays. Thanks to technology we were also able to skype my older brother Andy recently, and at least talk to my brother Ben over the phone. I can't imagine what it must be like for some families to spend Christmas at the hospital. Please continue to pray for my brother Ben and his family.