Here is a quick glance at last year:
discipleship in Perth, ON
Got to read the Bible, Worship, Pray, Fast, and Fellowship a lot,
Mission trip that went to Northbay, Sturgeon Falls, Timmins, Chapeleu,etc., for a week
Religious Visa for extended stay,
Led worship for a small church in Perth for 9 months
South East Pastor's Conference
Worked with very talented worship team,
Met a very talented guy named Joel,
Went out with a very godly young lady,
She broke up with me three weeks later,
Got to record in a real music studio,
Played amateur music producer for a local group in Toronto,
Learned how to paint from A Christian artist in Perth who supplied lessons, paint,and materials,
Took several photo's of beautiful Perth, click here for details, www.beautifulperth.com
Took up screenwriting, and started writing a script for a kid's book,
Became distracted, b/c every place reminded me of the girl I went out with,
Bought a brand new ipod touch,
Left Canada in time for American Thanksgiving,
Came back to Canada a week later to ask the same girl I went out with to marry me,
She kindly declined, and I discovered something,
I'm bipolar, and need medication,
Left Canada for Florida with some much needed closure and medication,
My mac died after producing one last video the other week,
My friend Jason Wagg is right when he says, "Jesse, you've never had a boring day in your entire life."
If this is a glance at the past, then the future has got to be good. I just need to take it one day at a time, and not try to do so much on my own. For now, I'm looking for work, and doing household chores for my family. Nothing earth shattering these days. Plenty of rest, and some much needed relaxation. I'm seeing a licensed therapyst weekly and scheduled to see a doctor for new medication that doesn't leave me feeling like a zombie during the day, in the next few weeks.
So bring it on 2010. I'm ready for ya. :)
Thursday, December 31, 2009
I did some research today on bipiolar disorder. I was curious if any famous people had dealt with this or other mental illnesses. There were three that were of interest to me.
1. Ludwig van Beethoven, composer, had bipolar disorder which some have said gave him such creative power that his compositions broke the mold for classical music forever. He was a child prodigy which his father tried to exploit. His “manic” episodes seemed to fuel his creativity. He wrote his most famous works during times of torment, loneliness, and suffering psychotic delusions.
It took him 12 years to finish his last and 8th Symphony in total deafness. He then medicated himself with the only drugs available in that day to bring some relief –opium and alcohol- and died several years later of liver disease.
2. Winston Churchill, Prime Minister of Great Britain who, as one of the “Big Three” (Churchill, Roosevelt and Stalin) to lead the world to the defeat of Hitler in WWII, told in his own writings of suffering from “black dog” Churchill’s term for severe and serious depression. Less often talked about are his writings of how he often self-medicated with alcohol to deal with these times. Like so many other famous people with a mental illness, he was able to make the great contribution he did through sheer personal determination. There was a nation, he said, and a world depending on his efforts to lead Britain and the world in the defeat of their common and formidable enemy of Nazism.
3. Ruth Graham (daughter of Ruth and Billy Graham) writes about her many years of suffering with depression, drugs, eating disorders and thoughts of suicide in her 2004 book "In Every Pew Sits A Broken Heart," Church was never the comfort for her that it seemed to be for others. An adult with a tragic life behind her, she was finally able to talk about it. Being the daughter of a famous preacher she felt she should not have problems. Through the steady love of her family she was able
to feel God’s forgiveness. Her message today is that being a Christian doesn’t guarantee us a perfect life. She hopes her story will give those who want to serve others a place to start in knowing what to do and say.
Praise God, that I live in a time where diagnosis and medication are possible. This is very encouraging for me to read. You can access the rest of the list here:
http://www.mentalhealthministries.net/links_resources/other_resources/famouspeople.pdf
1. Ludwig van Beethoven, composer, had bipolar disorder which some have said gave him such creative power that his compositions broke the mold for classical music forever. He was a child prodigy which his father tried to exploit. His “manic” episodes seemed to fuel his creativity. He wrote his most famous works during times of torment, loneliness, and suffering psychotic delusions.
It took him 12 years to finish his last and 8th Symphony in total deafness. He then medicated himself with the only drugs available in that day to bring some relief –opium and alcohol- and died several years later of liver disease.
2. Winston Churchill, Prime Minister of Great Britain who, as one of the “Big Three” (Churchill, Roosevelt and Stalin) to lead the world to the defeat of Hitler in WWII, told in his own writings of suffering from “black dog” Churchill’s term for severe and serious depression. Less often talked about are his writings of how he often self-medicated with alcohol to deal with these times. Like so many other famous people with a mental illness, he was able to make the great contribution he did through sheer personal determination. There was a nation, he said, and a world depending on his efforts to lead Britain and the world in the defeat of their common and formidable enemy of Nazism.
3. Ruth Graham (daughter of Ruth and Billy Graham) writes about her many years of suffering with depression, drugs, eating disorders and thoughts of suicide in her 2004 book "In Every Pew Sits A Broken Heart," Church was never the comfort for her that it seemed to be for others. An adult with a tragic life behind her, she was finally able to talk about it. Being the daughter of a famous preacher she felt she should not have problems. Through the steady love of her family she was able
to feel God’s forgiveness. Her message today is that being a Christian doesn’t guarantee us a perfect life. She hopes her story will give those who want to serve others a place to start in knowing what to do and say.
Praise God, that I live in a time where diagnosis and medication are possible. This is very encouraging for me to read. You can access the rest of the list here:
http://www.mentalhealthministries.net/links_resources/other_resources/famouspeople.pdf
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Keep Moving Forward
This is not only a great line from the movie, "Meet the Robinsons", it's also a good philosophy for life.
"...forgetting what is behind, and straining toward what is ahead."
-Phil 3:14
Although, I'm barely moving an inch toward a career, this is a great time to just enjoy where I'm at, on the way to where I am going. One of the cool quotes from discipleship was "It's not the destination, it's the journey."
I went for a morning constitution, although my manic energy is almost completely gone, and decided to "use my muscles to teach my brain." On the way, I got to see a gorgeous palm tree, that was as beautiful as a postcard. I wish I would've had my camera. There wasn't a cloud in the clear blue sky. Then, as I'm coming back to my house, I get to see not one, but three, hawks circling each other just over my house. They were dark brown, with white feathers underneath. They looked strong and majestic as they glided twenty feet above me.
Afterwards, went to the local library with my sister, and found a book called "Living with Bipolar disorder". I've already read a few chapters, and found the book to be incredibly encouraging, and insightful. According to the book, in the United States alone, "10 million men and women suffer from bipolar disorder." Know what that means? That's ten million people I can relate to, and share the Gospel with. I still have some steps to accomplish before I get there, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone.
In all seriousness, this is the greatest fear I've ever had (manic-depression). I just try to take one day at a time, and thank God that I'm able to be with my family, as I learn how to cope with this mental illness. I'd really like to take a photo of a plaque that hangs in a local hospital. They have names of several intelligent men, and women who have had varying mental problems.
The thing that really bugs me, is that this puts my entire life on hold. All the plans that I had, are now thrown out the window, and I don't really know what to do. I wanted so badly to go to Full Sail, but it looks like it might take me a year, or more to get healthy. As my friend Joe Becker has said, "Holiness is wholeness." I don't have the emotional and mental stamina to handle something as big as Full Sail right now. I know that this is a good thing in the long run, but in the short run it's really lame.
On the plus side, I've applied to three different starbucks, a local recreation center, and a staples. There are a few other places I'm considering to apply to, but only if I'm really deperate. It's hard to be patient during the holidays. I still have a good lead on a job with my former employer, Sam Ash Music, as a salesman in Recording, but we'll see what comes of that. At this point, any job would suffice.
"For every action, there is an opposite, yet exact reaction." I was really on the upside, and now I'm without energy on the down side. Oh, well, at least I'm not on "the dark side of the force." LOL I was thinking the other day, how good it is to know that Jesus will walk with me, even through my worst fears.
This condition is my worst fear. I know that for those who don't have it, you wonder, why doesn't he just snap out of me. For me, the emotions are extreme and real. I can't tell you how much I appreciate prayer and encouraging words. Me and Jesus are going to have to ride this thing out together. I choose to be better, not bitter, over the turn of circumstances. Eventually, I will be able to take care of business, but for now, I just take one day at a time.
"...forgetting what is behind, and straining toward what is ahead."
-Phil 3:14
Although, I'm barely moving an inch toward a career, this is a great time to just enjoy where I'm at, on the way to where I am going. One of the cool quotes from discipleship was "It's not the destination, it's the journey."
I went for a morning constitution, although my manic energy is almost completely gone, and decided to "use my muscles to teach my brain." On the way, I got to see a gorgeous palm tree, that was as beautiful as a postcard. I wish I would've had my camera. There wasn't a cloud in the clear blue sky. Then, as I'm coming back to my house, I get to see not one, but three, hawks circling each other just over my house. They were dark brown, with white feathers underneath. They looked strong and majestic as they glided twenty feet above me.
Afterwards, went to the local library with my sister, and found a book called "Living with Bipolar disorder". I've already read a few chapters, and found the book to be incredibly encouraging, and insightful. According to the book, in the United States alone, "10 million men and women suffer from bipolar disorder." Know what that means? That's ten million people I can relate to, and share the Gospel with. I still have some steps to accomplish before I get there, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone.
In all seriousness, this is the greatest fear I've ever had (manic-depression). I just try to take one day at a time, and thank God that I'm able to be with my family, as I learn how to cope with this mental illness. I'd really like to take a photo of a plaque that hangs in a local hospital. They have names of several intelligent men, and women who have had varying mental problems.
The thing that really bugs me, is that this puts my entire life on hold. All the plans that I had, are now thrown out the window, and I don't really know what to do. I wanted so badly to go to Full Sail, but it looks like it might take me a year, or more to get healthy. As my friend Joe Becker has said, "Holiness is wholeness." I don't have the emotional and mental stamina to handle something as big as Full Sail right now. I know that this is a good thing in the long run, but in the short run it's really lame.
On the plus side, I've applied to three different starbucks, a local recreation center, and a staples. There are a few other places I'm considering to apply to, but only if I'm really deperate. It's hard to be patient during the holidays. I still have a good lead on a job with my former employer, Sam Ash Music, as a salesman in Recording, but we'll see what comes of that. At this point, any job would suffice.
"For every action, there is an opposite, yet exact reaction." I was really on the upside, and now I'm without energy on the down side. Oh, well, at least I'm not on "the dark side of the force." LOL I was thinking the other day, how good it is to know that Jesus will walk with me, even through my worst fears.
This condition is my worst fear. I know that for those who don't have it, you wonder, why doesn't he just snap out of me. For me, the emotions are extreme and real. I can't tell you how much I appreciate prayer and encouraging words. Me and Jesus are going to have to ride this thing out together. I choose to be better, not bitter, over the turn of circumstances. Eventually, I will be able to take care of business, but for now, I just take one day at a time.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Thoughts on Christmas Eve
The sounds of presents being packaged, and ribbons being tied are going on all around me. It's great to be back home with my family, nibbling on some christmas cookies, and trying not to think so much about myself. I had to take some thoughts captive earlier today.
I said, to myself, I don't deserve anything for Christmas. After I thought about that awhile, I realized that no one deserves anything for Christmas. The scripture verse that came to mind was, "Why are you so envious, that I am so generous?"
Leave it to God, to allow, and condone presents giving to each other on His birthday. I know we usually think of this as a negative thing, to bring up the birth of Christ. No, I'm not saying that we should feel guilty for giving or receiving presents tomorrow. No, the whole point of the day is to give,recieve, and feel God's love and forgiveness.
Can you imagine how odd it would be if Jesus never came? We would be absolutely hopeless, and have nothing to hang on to. But Jesus did come, and what a blessing we have been freely given. God gave the most precious, prized possession, He had. His only Son. What tremendous love God has for us. We certainly don't deserve it, but it's still ours for the taking anyway. What a wonderful gift. We will always have His love. Christmas is a celebration of God's love for mankind and it is indeed endless. No love will ever match our Savior's incomparable luxiorious affection. Sweeter than the frosting on a fresh batch of cookies, and more filling than a Christmas ham. Things can only get better with Jesus, because He will always be a good thing.
The best thing that can happen to someone is if they lose everything; money, relationships, possessions, you name it. They'll discover a wonderful truth, if God allows them to. We will never be separated from His love, and so we are never alone. It is nice, however, to be with those in flesh and blood, but it was His flesh, and His blood that gave us full assurance of never being without God. Are we alone in the universe? Only if we stick our fingers in our ears, and miss the sound of His voice. Or cover our eyes, so that the brilliance of His creation doesn't astound us like the sun in the sky.
Tomorrow is the celebration of what David Crowder calls "a revolutionary love". God's love has changed, is changing, and will continue to change the world. To be a vessel, of that love, is the living heartbeat of every believer. God is the change that we seek. God is a revolution of peace and stillness, in a world of confusion and chaos. Rather than hate and fear, a great mixture of love with truth can change everything. No matter what we face in life, we will never have to do so alone. Immanuel, means "God with us". May it be more than a nice song, or a clever phrase. May God fill us with the awareness of His Presence. Enjoy "Jesus Awareness" week, and party on with what God has bountifully provided this year.
Oh, and one more thing. Father Christmas is really the Heavenly Father in disguise. How can I say that? The word "Christmas" means "Christ" "masse", which I've heard a friend translate as "the begginning of Christ". So, the father of the "Christ", is the Heavenly Father. Therefore, Father Christmas is really the Heavenly Father in a red suit with a beard. I know of the pagan things, but let's let Jesus be the Great Redeemer that we know He is, and celebrate His love.
I said, to myself, I don't deserve anything for Christmas. After I thought about that awhile, I realized that no one deserves anything for Christmas. The scripture verse that came to mind was, "Why are you so envious, that I am so generous?"
Leave it to God, to allow, and condone presents giving to each other on His birthday. I know we usually think of this as a negative thing, to bring up the birth of Christ. No, I'm not saying that we should feel guilty for giving or receiving presents tomorrow. No, the whole point of the day is to give,recieve, and feel God's love and forgiveness.
Can you imagine how odd it would be if Jesus never came? We would be absolutely hopeless, and have nothing to hang on to. But Jesus did come, and what a blessing we have been freely given. God gave the most precious, prized possession, He had. His only Son. What tremendous love God has for us. We certainly don't deserve it, but it's still ours for the taking anyway. What a wonderful gift. We will always have His love. Christmas is a celebration of God's love for mankind and it is indeed endless. No love will ever match our Savior's incomparable luxiorious affection. Sweeter than the frosting on a fresh batch of cookies, and more filling than a Christmas ham. Things can only get better with Jesus, because He will always be a good thing.
The best thing that can happen to someone is if they lose everything; money, relationships, possessions, you name it. They'll discover a wonderful truth, if God allows them to. We will never be separated from His love, and so we are never alone. It is nice, however, to be with those in flesh and blood, but it was His flesh, and His blood that gave us full assurance of never being without God. Are we alone in the universe? Only if we stick our fingers in our ears, and miss the sound of His voice. Or cover our eyes, so that the brilliance of His creation doesn't astound us like the sun in the sky.
Tomorrow is the celebration of what David Crowder calls "a revolutionary love". God's love has changed, is changing, and will continue to change the world. To be a vessel, of that love, is the living heartbeat of every believer. God is the change that we seek. God is a revolution of peace and stillness, in a world of confusion and chaos. Rather than hate and fear, a great mixture of love with truth can change everything. No matter what we face in life, we will never have to do so alone. Immanuel, means "God with us". May it be more than a nice song, or a clever phrase. May God fill us with the awareness of His Presence. Enjoy "Jesus Awareness" week, and party on with what God has bountifully provided this year.
Oh, and one more thing. Father Christmas is really the Heavenly Father in disguise. How can I say that? The word "Christmas" means "Christ" "masse", which I've heard a friend translate as "the begginning of Christ". So, the father of the "Christ", is the Heavenly Father. Therefore, Father Christmas is really the Heavenly Father in a red suit with a beard. I know of the pagan things, but let's let Jesus be the Great Redeemer that we know He is, and celebrate His love.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Kryptonite
Well, it seems that all my excess energy has been depleted. This is actually a good thing, since it's been a while when I can say that I've been getting a good night's sleep. The side effects of the medication I'm on, makes me feel really drowsy during the day, so I may cut back a little bit.
It seems that I've finally found my kryptonite. A few small pills, and I'm off to dream land. Now, I'm no fan of drugs, but they're what the Dr. has prescribed and seem to be working, almost a little too good.
I really feel more like myself these days, than I have in a long time. I feel content with where God has put me, and am looking forward to just working a steady job and not going on crazy adventures.
I made a trek a few weeks ago, while on a manic high, to visit a former girlfriend, and to ask her to marry me someday. She declined, but was very sweet about it, and also very concerned for my safety. I have since found that several people were worried about me. I apologize for giving anyone reason to worry. All I can say, is that I wasn't myself. In some ways, I feel like Dr. Jekyll cleaning up for all the mistakes that Mr. Hyde put together.
I've come to the conclusion that I am bipolar, and or, manic depressive. This means that I go through the same emotions others do, but on a much wider scale without medication. Normally, I would beat myself up for having a mental illness, but I really couldn't do anything about it at the time, and if I hadn't made my insane journey from Tampa to Toronto, I would never know that I need help, or that the girl I went out with this summer, has nothing but frienship for me.
"Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
-William Shakespeare
How true those words are. God knows that I wanted desperately to love someone, as more than a friend. But really the only person who can fill my deepest void for love is Jesus, and I am closer with Him than I've ever been before. However, I've learned to let others know what I'm thinking and feeling, in regard to hearing from the Lord. I don't think God would've wanted me to lie, or withhold the truth from others. I've already apologized to the parties that I lied to, but it's going to take a lot of work on my part to rebuild trust with them.
In any case, "I press on towards the mark...". Eventually, I will find a job, and start paying off my student loans, and hope to be moving closer to my dream of being a young filmmaker at Full Sail. The two big obstacles to that are qualifying for a loan of $72,000 and getting my health to a place where I can do some lifting. Film is the most collaborative of the arts, and that is when I'm in my element. When I can manage a few projects, and come up with new ideas, and see them come to life. It's such a thrill for me. I mean, even thinking that it might be possible to take a script I've written, and see it on the silver screen, just fills me with joy. However, I'm sure that I'm not the first young person to dream so big, and have to settle for the smaller picture.
I'm in contact with an admission's rep. for Full Sail, and will be talking to her soon. I'm also going to look into some work in Orlando, as well as places nearby where I live in Tampa. I've been steadily filling out job applications, and looking for employment wherever I can find it. I know that God will provide a job for me, at the right time. I just have to be patient.
In other news, my mac laptop died this past Thursday. I think the heating fan broke, and it's possible that the C.P.U. is done. I sent it away at an apple store, yesterday, but they might not be able to salvage the hard drive with all my writing, pictures, and video. So the sooner, I get signed up with Full Sail, the sooner I'll have a laptop. My mom is letting me borrow her spare laptop in the meantime, but it's just not the same. Oh, well. Life is definitely not about me, and is going to continue on that theme.
My brother Joey really challenged me with something the other day. "Life is not like a movie." I'm sorry, but for me, that was deep, because I love movies. They really are a departure from real life, that's why people like them. They're stories that tug at our hearts, and win over our minds. So many people quote memorable lines from movies these days. But my brother is absolutely correct, similar to how Agent Smith describes a failed prototype of the Matrix to Morpheus, "It was too perfect, no one would believe it." In a film, everything can be set up too good. For instance, I watched the end of Transformers 2 with some friends recently, and the main actress's makeup never changed. I thought it was funny because things are being blown up, and it's a war zone of terrifying robots, and her make up stays exactly the same. That's not realistic, is it?
No, I've come to the conclusion that movies are useful, if they tell a good story, and communicate it broadly. Who doesn't love a great story? People tell each other stories all the time. Even Jesus would tell stories, but they weren't necessarily
"Christian", but they were about the kingdom of God. That's what I'm hoping to do someday. My films, may or may not be, "Christian", but they will try to illustrate the kingdom of God.
Well, this is probably the longest entry I've typed yet, but it ends here. Feel free to tell me what you really think at anytime. I will try to write what's going on with me more often. As always, take care.
It seems that I've finally found my kryptonite. A few small pills, and I'm off to dream land. Now, I'm no fan of drugs, but they're what the Dr. has prescribed and seem to be working, almost a little too good.
I really feel more like myself these days, than I have in a long time. I feel content with where God has put me, and am looking forward to just working a steady job and not going on crazy adventures.
I made a trek a few weeks ago, while on a manic high, to visit a former girlfriend, and to ask her to marry me someday. She declined, but was very sweet about it, and also very concerned for my safety. I have since found that several people were worried about me. I apologize for giving anyone reason to worry. All I can say, is that I wasn't myself. In some ways, I feel like Dr. Jekyll cleaning up for all the mistakes that Mr. Hyde put together.
I've come to the conclusion that I am bipolar, and or, manic depressive. This means that I go through the same emotions others do, but on a much wider scale without medication. Normally, I would beat myself up for having a mental illness, but I really couldn't do anything about it at the time, and if I hadn't made my insane journey from Tampa to Toronto, I would never know that I need help, or that the girl I went out with this summer, has nothing but frienship for me.
"Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
-William Shakespeare
How true those words are. God knows that I wanted desperately to love someone, as more than a friend. But really the only person who can fill my deepest void for love is Jesus, and I am closer with Him than I've ever been before. However, I've learned to let others know what I'm thinking and feeling, in regard to hearing from the Lord. I don't think God would've wanted me to lie, or withhold the truth from others. I've already apologized to the parties that I lied to, but it's going to take a lot of work on my part to rebuild trust with them.
In any case, "I press on towards the mark...". Eventually, I will find a job, and start paying off my student loans, and hope to be moving closer to my dream of being a young filmmaker at Full Sail. The two big obstacles to that are qualifying for a loan of $72,000 and getting my health to a place where I can do some lifting. Film is the most collaborative of the arts, and that is when I'm in my element. When I can manage a few projects, and come up with new ideas, and see them come to life. It's such a thrill for me. I mean, even thinking that it might be possible to take a script I've written, and see it on the silver screen, just fills me with joy. However, I'm sure that I'm not the first young person to dream so big, and have to settle for the smaller picture.
I'm in contact with an admission's rep. for Full Sail, and will be talking to her soon. I'm also going to look into some work in Orlando, as well as places nearby where I live in Tampa. I've been steadily filling out job applications, and looking for employment wherever I can find it. I know that God will provide a job for me, at the right time. I just have to be patient.
In other news, my mac laptop died this past Thursday. I think the heating fan broke, and it's possible that the C.P.U. is done. I sent it away at an apple store, yesterday, but they might not be able to salvage the hard drive with all my writing, pictures, and video. So the sooner, I get signed up with Full Sail, the sooner I'll have a laptop. My mom is letting me borrow her spare laptop in the meantime, but it's just not the same. Oh, well. Life is definitely not about me, and is going to continue on that theme.
My brother Joey really challenged me with something the other day. "Life is not like a movie." I'm sorry, but for me, that was deep, because I love movies. They really are a departure from real life, that's why people like them. They're stories that tug at our hearts, and win over our minds. So many people quote memorable lines from movies these days. But my brother is absolutely correct, similar to how Agent Smith describes a failed prototype of the Matrix to Morpheus, "It was too perfect, no one would believe it." In a film, everything can be set up too good. For instance, I watched the end of Transformers 2 with some friends recently, and the main actress's makeup never changed. I thought it was funny because things are being blown up, and it's a war zone of terrifying robots, and her make up stays exactly the same. That's not realistic, is it?
No, I've come to the conclusion that movies are useful, if they tell a good story, and communicate it broadly. Who doesn't love a great story? People tell each other stories all the time. Even Jesus would tell stories, but they weren't necessarily
"Christian", but they were about the kingdom of God. That's what I'm hoping to do someday. My films, may or may not be, "Christian", but they will try to illustrate the kingdom of God.
Well, this is probably the longest entry I've typed yet, but it ends here. Feel free to tell me what you really think at anytime. I will try to write what's going on with me more often. As always, take care.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Great Day
Today was very good. I got to hang out with my best friend Matt, grab a burrito at Moe's Southwest grille AND finally got to go to Clearwater beach. I don't know how to describe how much all these things meant to me. There are just some people in your life that your so tight with, they're almost like a Jonathen to your David. That's what Matt is to me, and I'm grateful to God for him. It's been a real challenging confronting my worst fear, that I am manic depressive. I've learned that it really isn't the end of the world, and that it can be quite manageable with medication, and a regular dose of sleep. Praise God that I'm getting both of those things these days.
I don't know why, but the beach is really my home. For some reason, I think of it as the most safe chill place on earth. I guess it's because when I was little, my parents would take us to the beach on a Sunday afternoon. Mom would always read a book on the shore, and Dad would take us out in to the water and play games with us. Afterward, we would go grab an ice cream cone. That was one of the good memories I had as a child, and I'm trying to focus on positive things these days. In fact, I'm asking God for help in learning that "what...(others)...meant for evil, God will use for good".
So I'm doing really good, and might even have a job at my old workplace, Sam Ash Music Stores. They're looking for someone to take care of the Recording department. I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket, and still applying to the other places. But that would be really awesome, if it works out.
I've got a support group going with this bipolar thing, and I'm also seeking professional help tomorrow. Medication seems to be helping me in the mean time, and I'm choosing to focus on Jesus, instead of myself.
At the beach, me and Matt did some filming with my laptop. I'll try to upload it to the web sometime this week. We ended up meeting this guy, and try to talk to him about Jesus. He told us that he had gone through cancer, and we offered to pray for him, but he turned us down. Oh, well, we can still send in "air support" without his consent. :)
So, things are looking up, but I'm still trying to keep both feet on the ground. It's good for me to be around my family. It's been really humbling at times. I hope that I can be a blessing to them, just as much as I am to others. When reading the Word this morning, I saw a note that I must've jotted down at the Calvary East Coast Pastor's Conference. Your family get's the best portions from the Word, and everyone else gets sloppy seconds. I like that. I think it's true. The priority in your life should be God, Family, Ministry, and then everything else. So grateful for God's grace and the revolutionary love that Jesus has shown, is showing today, and will show for eternity.
My younger brother Joey, played me some new music by Charlie Hall. There's one song in particular that has a great chorus, "When everything around me is going crazy (paraphrase), Your love is the rock on which I stand". That is so true, and something I'm asking God to reveal to me more and more.
Great Men's bible study tonight. We looked at 1 John 2, and read all about God's love and truth. The Living Word (Jesus) is inside of the hearts of believers who are filled with the Holy Spirit. That's how we can avoid cults, bad doctrine, and deception. The Spirit of truth, leads and guides us, into all truth. What a wonderful thing to be reminded that we live in truth, and the truth lives in us. Jesus is the truth, and Jesus lives in the hearts of those who believe.
"In the world you will have tribulation, but take courage, I have already overcome the world."-Jesus (John 16:33)
Take courage, God's already finished everything, all we have to do is trust in His mighty love. I was thanking God for the palm trees this morning, since they look so lovely, stately, and tall. I thought about God's great big love, and how awesome He must be in person. It's so great to know that someday, it's going to happen. I'll be face to face with Jesus, and nothing will ever separate us.
Please pray that I would hear the voice of the true shepherd, and not be led astray by others. I've already learned that "there is wisdom in the multitude of many counselors", and "He who isolates himself, rages against all counsel." I guess guys like myself, are mule headed, and have to learn things the hard way. For now, I trust the Word, and also loved ones around me for help in discerning God's voice. It's not His voice that may be wrong, just my own "faulty wiring". The signal is coming in clear, it's just the reception that's a little fuzzy.
"Praise God for his indescribable gift!"-Apostle Paul (2 Corinthians 9:15)
Amen. If it wasn't for God's grace, I would not be qualified to pick up trash on the street, let alone carry the glorious riches of the Gospel. I'm trying to take things slow and easy, and not get carried away. It's very humbling to rely on others more than self, but it's good for me, too. I have missed my family and friends terribly.
The week before I left Perth, On, we watched a film called "Paul the Apostle". It's three hours long, but totally worth it, it's a great flick. There's a line from that movie that resonates with me. Upon discovering there were believers in a foreign place, Paul said in the movie, "You are Christians. Oh, well than I am home." What a marvelous statement. When we gather with other believers, we feel like we're with family. I do miss my "family" in Perth, but I know that I will see them again someday, even if it's in Heaven. I'd like to pay them a visit in the summer, but we'll see what the Lord has in mind.
As always, I have multiple opportunities to do several things, but "only one thing is necessary and Mary has found it" (Luke 10:42). "One thing have I desired of the Lord, and that I will seek, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life. To behold, the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple." (Ps 27:4).
Well, I need to head for my bed. Be blessed.
Grace and Peace,
Jesse
I don't know why, but the beach is really my home. For some reason, I think of it as the most safe chill place on earth. I guess it's because when I was little, my parents would take us to the beach on a Sunday afternoon. Mom would always read a book on the shore, and Dad would take us out in to the water and play games with us. Afterward, we would go grab an ice cream cone. That was one of the good memories I had as a child, and I'm trying to focus on positive things these days. In fact, I'm asking God for help in learning that "what...(others)...meant for evil, God will use for good".
So I'm doing really good, and might even have a job at my old workplace, Sam Ash Music Stores. They're looking for someone to take care of the Recording department. I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket, and still applying to the other places. But that would be really awesome, if it works out.
I've got a support group going with this bipolar thing, and I'm also seeking professional help tomorrow. Medication seems to be helping me in the mean time, and I'm choosing to focus on Jesus, instead of myself.
At the beach, me and Matt did some filming with my laptop. I'll try to upload it to the web sometime this week. We ended up meeting this guy, and try to talk to him about Jesus. He told us that he had gone through cancer, and we offered to pray for him, but he turned us down. Oh, well, we can still send in "air support" without his consent. :)
So, things are looking up, but I'm still trying to keep both feet on the ground. It's good for me to be around my family. It's been really humbling at times. I hope that I can be a blessing to them, just as much as I am to others. When reading the Word this morning, I saw a note that I must've jotted down at the Calvary East Coast Pastor's Conference. Your family get's the best portions from the Word, and everyone else gets sloppy seconds. I like that. I think it's true. The priority in your life should be God, Family, Ministry, and then everything else. So grateful for God's grace and the revolutionary love that Jesus has shown, is showing today, and will show for eternity.
My younger brother Joey, played me some new music by Charlie Hall. There's one song in particular that has a great chorus, "When everything around me is going crazy (paraphrase), Your love is the rock on which I stand". That is so true, and something I'm asking God to reveal to me more and more.
Great Men's bible study tonight. We looked at 1 John 2, and read all about God's love and truth. The Living Word (Jesus) is inside of the hearts of believers who are filled with the Holy Spirit. That's how we can avoid cults, bad doctrine, and deception. The Spirit of truth, leads and guides us, into all truth. What a wonderful thing to be reminded that we live in truth, and the truth lives in us. Jesus is the truth, and Jesus lives in the hearts of those who believe.
"In the world you will have tribulation, but take courage, I have already overcome the world."-Jesus (John 16:33)
Take courage, God's already finished everything, all we have to do is trust in His mighty love. I was thanking God for the palm trees this morning, since they look so lovely, stately, and tall. I thought about God's great big love, and how awesome He must be in person. It's so great to know that someday, it's going to happen. I'll be face to face with Jesus, and nothing will ever separate us.
Please pray that I would hear the voice of the true shepherd, and not be led astray by others. I've already learned that "there is wisdom in the multitude of many counselors", and "He who isolates himself, rages against all counsel." I guess guys like myself, are mule headed, and have to learn things the hard way. For now, I trust the Word, and also loved ones around me for help in discerning God's voice. It's not His voice that may be wrong, just my own "faulty wiring". The signal is coming in clear, it's just the reception that's a little fuzzy.
"Praise God for his indescribable gift!"-Apostle Paul (2 Corinthians 9:15)
Amen. If it wasn't for God's grace, I would not be qualified to pick up trash on the street, let alone carry the glorious riches of the Gospel. I'm trying to take things slow and easy, and not get carried away. It's very humbling to rely on others more than self, but it's good for me, too. I have missed my family and friends terribly.
The week before I left Perth, On, we watched a film called "Paul the Apostle". It's three hours long, but totally worth it, it's a great flick. There's a line from that movie that resonates with me. Upon discovering there were believers in a foreign place, Paul said in the movie, "You are Christians. Oh, well than I am home." What a marvelous statement. When we gather with other believers, we feel like we're with family. I do miss my "family" in Perth, but I know that I will see them again someday, even if it's in Heaven. I'd like to pay them a visit in the summer, but we'll see what the Lord has in mind.
As always, I have multiple opportunities to do several things, but "only one thing is necessary and Mary has found it" (Luke 10:42). "One thing have I desired of the Lord, and that I will seek, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life. To behold, the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple." (Ps 27:4).
Well, I need to head for my bed. Be blessed.
Grace and Peace,
Jesse
Friday, December 11, 2009
No storm lasts forever
At the present I'm looking at my keyboard, and don't even know how to put into words how I feel. Please pray for me. "You've never had a boring day in your life", is what a friend said to me once. It's true. I don't often slow down, and rest. I'm weary from the journey.
Like Pilgrim, I've encountered many obstacles and blessings en route to the Celestial City. There's a great t.v. movie called "Pilgrim's Progress: Journey Towards Heaven" that I heartily recommend to anybody, Christian, or otherwise. It really gives an overview of the life of a Christian.
website: https://reelchristian.com/
preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMxtoCydNDY&feature=related
It's a modernized account of Pilgrim's Progress, and the director apologizes for only hitting the major themes from the book in his film. He said,"It would take a six part t.v. miniseries to do the entire book." After seeing the film, I would love to see it as a miniseries. It was awesome. I mean, how often do you see a Christian film with sword-fighting? That's bad to the bone.
Anyway, I'm doing better than I was earlier this week, and looking forward to what God has for me in the near future. I'm just taking my time with things, and trying to not to make any major decisions. Thanks again for all the prayers and warm thoughts.
Like Pilgrim, I've encountered many obstacles and blessings en route to the Celestial City. There's a great t.v. movie called "Pilgrim's Progress: Journey Towards Heaven" that I heartily recommend to anybody, Christian, or otherwise. It really gives an overview of the life of a Christian.
website: https://reelchristian.com/
preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMxtoCydNDY&feature=related
It's a modernized account of Pilgrim's Progress, and the director apologizes for only hitting the major themes from the book in his film. He said,"It would take a six part t.v. miniseries to do the entire book." After seeing the film, I would love to see it as a miniseries. It was awesome. I mean, how often do you see a Christian film with sword-fighting? That's bad to the bone.
Anyway, I'm doing better than I was earlier this week, and looking forward to what God has for me in the near future. I'm just taking my time with things, and trying to not to make any major decisions. Thanks again for all the prayers and warm thoughts.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Change is good
Significant change has occurred in my life. I've gone on many adventures down life's journey. But I find myself here at the refuge, where the only person still standing is the Rock called Christ. It's only here that I can find the love I so desperately long for, and the sure protection from the storm. Similar to Elijah, being fed by the ravens, while he rests in the cave, I've been doing a lot of relaxing. In another blog, I will describe my recent adventure this past weekend, but will use fictitous characters and settings, so as not to protect the covenant of friendship I've sworn to uphold. Even if I'm crazy, my loyalty does not stop. I'll give more details later.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Things to do
1. Write a screenplay based off of a kids book from the '60's by the end of the month.
2. Contact agents or record labels for permission to use their songs in a movie.
3. Continue to contact people who have skills such as writing, painting, acting, lighting, directing, filming, etc., for movie.
4. Write a kids book that deals with depression, acceptance, and belonging, but somehow incorporates Jesus being in the midst of it all.
5. Write another book about your crazy life in the last three years with experiences in two different countries that explores the role of culture, poverty, and the Christian's response.
6. Learn how to paint for free from guy who's studied under a professional artist who's done backdrops for movie sets.
7. Slow down. Relax. Take your time. And focus on the main thing you're called to do...lead worship.
I'm sorry to say this is a small portion of what goes on in my head these days. The rest gets journaled.
2. Contact agents or record labels for permission to use their songs in a movie.
3. Continue to contact people who have skills such as writing, painting, acting, lighting, directing, filming, etc., for movie.
4. Write a kids book that deals with depression, acceptance, and belonging, but somehow incorporates Jesus being in the midst of it all.
5. Write another book about your crazy life in the last three years with experiences in two different countries that explores the role of culture, poverty, and the Christian's response.
6. Learn how to paint for free from guy who's studied under a professional artist who's done backdrops for movie sets.
7. Slow down. Relax. Take your time. And focus on the main thing you're called to do...lead worship.
I'm sorry to say this is a small portion of what goes on in my head these days. The rest gets journaled.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Right now
I'm listening to Amy D. and my good friend Joel rock out a fresh jazzy song. I don't know how God put me in a christian recording studio, but He has. It's here in Perth called Christian Music Records. I got a chance to help record some fellow belivers who rocked out for Jesus with tribal drums Native American style! I can begin to describe how awesome that was.
In other news, it's actually been a really trying week. God is obviously in the midst of it all, but it's been really hard. I could always use some prayer. I really believe that I am doing what God has called me to do, and the enemy is not happy with my choice to serve and follow Jesus Christ.
In other news, it's actually been a really trying week. God is obviously in the midst of it all, but it's been really hard. I could always use some prayer. I really believe that I am doing what God has called me to do, and the enemy is not happy with my choice to serve and follow Jesus Christ.
U2 Redeemed
In the Name of Love (Pride)-U2
I've changed into:
His Name means Love (Jesus)
Who can match this holy love?
Who can make it grow?
This man came to exemplify
A love that won't grow cold
His Name means Love
His Name is the same as Love
His Name means Love
God sent His only Son
it's Jesus, it's Jesus
It's Jesus...
You once taught, and always teach
God's forgiveness
To zealots, outcasts, and freaks,
The Father's holy kiss
Your Name means love
Your name is the same as love
Your Name means love
You sent Your only Son
King Jesus, King Jesus, King Jesus...
On a Friday night, in Pilate's court,
They crucified my Lord
Now You're alive, the cave's full of light
Now We are your righteous Bride
Come stay my love
Come take me home above
Come stay my love
You are God's Holy Son
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
I've changed into:
His Name means Love (Jesus)
Who can match this holy love?
Who can make it grow?
This man came to exemplify
A love that won't grow cold
His Name means Love
His Name is the same as Love
His Name means Love
God sent His only Son
it's Jesus, it's Jesus
It's Jesus...
You once taught, and always teach
God's forgiveness
To zealots, outcasts, and freaks,
The Father's holy kiss
Your Name means love
Your name is the same as love
Your Name means love
You sent Your only Son
King Jesus, King Jesus, King Jesus...
On a Friday night, in Pilate's court,
They crucified my Lord
Now You're alive, the cave's full of light
Now We are your righteous Bride
Come stay my love
Come take me home above
Come stay my love
You are God's Holy Son
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
Monday, August 17, 2009
Good Day
I think this is the first time in a long time, that I'm doing alright today. I think my brain has finally taken the helm this week, and I feel a lot more calm. I had a great time in the Word this morning and was really encouraged to continue serving.
The exciting news today is that it looks like I will be able to receive chiropractic care at no out of pocket expense, and I was able to get some more "biofreeze" today which is very helpful for me.
A verse that's been really speaking to me lately is, "No man hates his own body, but loves and takes care of it." I'm really glad that Jesus loves His Body, and takes care of it, aren't you?
Check out Revelations 21, if you want to see what Jesus sees when He looks at us as the "Lamb's Bride". We are a beautiful city made of transparent glass, solid gold, and decorated with priceless gems. The word "adorn" is used to describe this city a few times, which is an awesome word that means "make more beautiful or attractive".
I also read Ruth chapter 4, where we find out the name of the child that came from Boaz and Ruth's marriage. His name is Obed. Obed means "serving" or "worship" (blueletterbible.org). He just so happens to be the father of Jesse. Obviously, it's really nice to read one's own name in the Bible, and I was very encouraged today when I read that.
Anyway,it was a productive day and I got several errands accomplished, and still a few more to go. I'm having difficulty setting up a podcast for northgateministry.com, and may have to phone a friend, or something. In the meantime, I'm going to get what I can done.
It's good to know that things are going to work out "little by little" (Proverbs 13:11), and that the more I deal with life, the easier it will get. I'm reducing stress by working through things one step at a time and am very encouraged to keep moving forward.
I'm sorry to say that the very good thing is over. However, I'm so less stressed out, and probably better off without it for now. I don't know what the future holds, I just know Who holds the future. He is very trustworthy, and has promised those that seek Him diligently that "they will never be disappointed."
The exciting news today is that it looks like I will be able to receive chiropractic care at no out of pocket expense, and I was able to get some more "biofreeze" today which is very helpful for me.
A verse that's been really speaking to me lately is, "No man hates his own body, but loves and takes care of it." I'm really glad that Jesus loves His Body, and takes care of it, aren't you?
Check out Revelations 21, if you want to see what Jesus sees when He looks at us as the "Lamb's Bride". We are a beautiful city made of transparent glass, solid gold, and decorated with priceless gems. The word "adorn" is used to describe this city a few times, which is an awesome word that means "make more beautiful or attractive".
I also read Ruth chapter 4, where we find out the name of the child that came from Boaz and Ruth's marriage. His name is Obed. Obed means "serving" or "worship" (blueletterbible.org). He just so happens to be the father of Jesse. Obviously, it's really nice to read one's own name in the Bible, and I was very encouraged today when I read that.
Anyway,it was a productive day and I got several errands accomplished, and still a few more to go. I'm having difficulty setting up a podcast for northgateministry.com, and may have to phone a friend, or something. In the meantime, I'm going to get what I can done.
It's good to know that things are going to work out "little by little" (Proverbs 13:11), and that the more I deal with life, the easier it will get. I'm reducing stress by working through things one step at a time and am very encouraged to keep moving forward.
I'm sorry to say that the very good thing is over. However, I'm so less stressed out, and probably better off without it for now. I don't know what the future holds, I just know Who holds the future. He is very trustworthy, and has promised those that seek Him diligently that "they will never be disappointed."
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Pro-Adjuster
There's only two chiropractor offices in the entire province (for American's think region) that are licensed to use the pro-adjuster in their offices. Apparently, I lucked out and found a chiropractor who is using state of the art technology to adjust my back. The instrument takes ridiculously accurate spec's of my back, and only adjusts the joints that need to be corrected. Applying a mere five pounds of pressure, the instrument taps my back into place. Some bones require more tapping than others. It actually feels really good after everything is said and done.
I'm still awaiting the insurance companies decision on my ongoing case. I was in a car accident sometime ago, and still suffering from it. I always dread having to write, or talk about it, because it was very traumatic. So, I've had mixed feelings about being adjusted. It's almost like my heart has to have a new context of not being trapped in the same situation I was in before. I know that God knows what's going on with me and my body, even if no one else knows, and He's able to take care of me.
In the meantime, I'm doing lots of stretching, icing the neck 3x a day, and doing some excercises to stretch my hamstrings at night. I'm doing the best I can with the TMJ (temporomandibular joint disorder). Some days are worse than others. I'm still wearing my retainer, but I may need to see an Orthadontist in the near future.
One of my friend Joel's songs that has really spoken to my heart recently, has an awesome chorus that I leave with you.
"Jesus knows, oh Jesus knows, what you're keepin' from the light,
Won't you let me be your joy again again again..."
Scott Cunningham
I love this song that I'm listening to right now. It's called "My Soul Thirsts". I think I might use it in a worship set in the near future.
I still can't get over how blessed I am to serve as a worship leader for such a close knit fellowship. Tonight's bible study is on John 9:4-41. After finishing my daily devo of nine chapters, I'm going to read the text for tonight, and ask God for inspiration. That's how I usually figure out what I'm playing for that small group study. Normally, I have this done way ahead of time, but sometimes life gets in the way. Good thing there's grace, huh? Anyway, I got to get back to studying.
It looks like I just saw someone that I know here at the Grind, it's a small coffee shop that reserves the right to charge $5.00 for free Wi-fi? Am I the only one that thinks that's a contradiction in terms? I'm glad the lady left me and my water bottle off with a warning. Sometimes honesty helps. I only two bucks.
I still can't get over how blessed I am to serve as a worship leader for such a close knit fellowship. Tonight's bible study is on John 9:4-41. After finishing my daily devo of nine chapters, I'm going to read the text for tonight, and ask God for inspiration. That's how I usually figure out what I'm playing for that small group study. Normally, I have this done way ahead of time, but sometimes life gets in the way. Good thing there's grace, huh? Anyway, I got to get back to studying.
It looks like I just saw someone that I know here at the Grind, it's a small coffee shop that reserves the right to charge $5.00 for free Wi-fi? Am I the only one that thinks that's a contradiction in terms? I'm glad the lady left me and my water bottle off with a warning. Sometimes honesty helps. I only two bucks.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Hand
I know that everything is going to work out,
Everything is going to be just fine,
As long as I have my hand in His,
And His hand in mine.
Everything is going to be just fine,
As long as I have my hand in His,
And His hand in mine.
Pages is da bomb!
I just started using a new program for word processing on my mac called Pages. This thing is seriously awesome. It's so easy to drag and drop pic's, reshape text, and there's so many great looking templates for just about any writing project you can think of (newsletters, for sale signs, etc).
I've since gotten rid of Microsoft Office, and my mac never looked better. Cool thing is that all my word doc's will still work in Pages. You have to check this program out if you've never seen it before.
http://www.apple.com/iwork/tutorials/pages/intro.html#pages-intro
I've since gotten rid of Microsoft Office, and my mac never looked better. Cool thing is that all my word doc's will still work in Pages. You have to check this program out if you've never seen it before.
http://www.apple.com/iwork/tutorials/pages/intro.html#pages-intro
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
www.beautifulperth.com and JESUS-WOOD
I have to tell the world about the prettiest place in Ontario Canada. I'll give you three guesses. Nope, wrong all three times. It's called Perth, and it's absolutely gorgeous. It's currently celebrating it's 175th anniversary as a town. Most of the buildings are totally from yesteryear. The quaint little shops and restaurants make it a tourist hotspot. Stewart Park, which is a huge blessing, since every event done there is free, and open to the public, is located in downtown Perth. This past July they had a free music concert in the park, which was very cool. Lots of different styles and performers for an entire weekend. I don't think I've ever seen so many weddings happen in one place either. It's like an Irish Spring Soap commercial or something. It's exceptionally green and the flowers are vibrant and colorful. There are times I pinch myself, and ask if I'm on a movie set.
Speaking of which, I just found out recently that filming any building externally is "fair game" from the mayor of Perth. This is incredibly exciting since I've always wanted to film, but often found conflict with getting permission from businesses or administration in government in order to do so. This is like music to a musician's ears. I'm currently working on a few different projects. The first one is a short documentary film called "What is God doing in Perth?" for my church's website, and the other is a modern take on an old kids book called "The Phantom Tollbooth".
This may sound looney, but I've decided to abandon trying to make something happen within the world's market. Why should I have to compromise my ethical standards in the name of entertainment? I think Christian's are just as creative, talented, and intelligent as anyone else, and should be free to create media that glorifies Jesus Christ, and is completely submitted to His authority. It's always been my dream to bring the truth in high definition. Obviously, I need to have the reality check of making sure that it's not just a good thing, but a God thing with whatever I'm doing to serve Jesus. However, I don't think that God makes mistakes, and has given me gifts that need to be used, not abused, to bring the Gospel to an apathetic generation that's more selfish and logical, than selfless and genuine. I've decided to dub this grassroots production company "JESUS-WOOD", because I think it's all about the cross and denying myself, and taking up Jesus wooden cross. This is all so much easier to type on a keyboard, or even read, but quite challenging to live. Let's do what Jesus has asked us to do. Love one another. Speak words that are gracious and affirming. So many films are filled with filthy language, sexually course speech, and derogatory attitudes toward men and women. If for no other reason than that alone, should be enough for us to change things.
"Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good"
-Apostle Paul
"Who is good except God?"
-Jesus
We don't need lots of money, or any of Hollywood's so called stars. With no deadlines, and no budget, I can take as much time as I want on a film AND I don't have to worry about some producer deciding to sacrifice integrity in the name of entertainment, or even worse, cultural relevance. I believe Ravi Zacharias was absolutely right when he said that the order of society should be "Truth is King, and Culture is Relative" not the other way around. Culture is a beautiful thing. Diversity to me is like a pallette full of different colors and tones. Each one of them is special and unique. However, the painting really takes shape, when there's a clear direction for all the colors to align to on the painting.
The saddest thing I've ever scene is an artistic timeline on my home campus, at the Leepa-Rapner Museum in Tarpon Springs, FL at SPC Tarpon campus. In the past few hundred years, all the artistic designs have gotten harder to distinguish. It's almost like the artists have given up trying to trace God's footsteps. As if His fingerprints all over creation aren't beautiful, or that his symmetry is not something to be lost in wonder of. Why must we be either an expressionist, or a modernist? Living somewhere on the extremes of either wild emotion, or pure intellect. Why can't they be balanced? There is beauty in truth, and there is also truth to be found in God's beauty. There's is wisdom in faith, and I have faith in God's wisdom. Do you see the beautiful correlations between the mind and the heart? God did not give us both of these things so that they would be divorced, but so that they could be forever entwined.
I know that the Arts are not given that much priority in our world. A rich man's pleasure, is what some think of this part of society. Similar to classical music, people think they have to wear really nice clothes to enjoy something exquisite. Let me say that the robe the Father gives to the Prodigal Son is much cleaner and warm than anything we can produce. Let's receive God's grace and believe that God can be glorified even in something as trivial as a drawing, painting, movie, tv show, album, statue, or building structure. I know that Art has long reigned with no Ruler. But that isn't true is it? There's always been One King whose name is Faithful. However as the Scripture says,
"..but men hid themselves in darkness, lest their deeds should be exposed.."
I'm not asking for money. I just want prayer. I've decided to stop fighting with my Maker, and use the gifts He's given me for writing and creativity. I'm not a second class citizen in God's Kingdom. There is no class system in God's kingdom. No dictators, or despots, middle class, poor, or somewhere in between any of those things. There's just Jesus and His Bride (the Church). I must admit that as a worship leader, my primary responsibility is to worship the Lord, and lead others into His presence (that's with and without music). I'm called to be a servant, just like everyone else. Sure, I've got some deep thoughts, and a wild imagination. Aren't these some of the same traits we find in God? I'm not saying that I'm God, because I'm definitely not, but we all have similar characteristics that mirror a part of who He is.
There's a great book that I haven't read yet, because it's not intended for me, called "Created to be His Help Meet" by Debi Pearl. In it, she describes three characteristics of men that are all true of who God is. Command Man, Mr. Consistent, and Mr. Visionary. God knows how to get things done by being a strong authority figure. He's also incredibly faithful, and sticks with things until they are complete. God is also able to speak to us in a way that casts a vision of hope, love, peace, and redemption. He can map things out and inspire us to dream big. I've been told by others that I'm a Mr. Consistent, with a touch of visionary.
In summation, humility and a heart that longs to be like Jesus is all my desire in everything, whether that's washing dishes, or writing the next great American novel, it's the same thing. I still have to come to the cross daily and hand over my right to be ambitious, but there is this strong yearning I have. I just want to say "I love you so much Jesus" with everything I have in me. It's unwise for someone to think they will ever match the love that God has poured out on us. However, it's also unwise to over look what Jesus said was the greatest commandment.
"Love the Lord your God with
ALL your heart (that's your emotions),
ALL your mind, (that's your thoughts)
ALL your soul, (that's your will, feelings, and intellect)
ALL your strength, (that's your physical body)
And the second is like it, Love your neighbor as you love yourself"
I cannot love my neighbor, if I am not filled with a love for God. Church, let's get back to serving and loving on Jesus. If the economy is in the tank, that's okay, cause Jesus kingdom will never end. His promises are still in effect. Nothing He has written will fade away.
"The Word of the Lord endures forever"
Let's take up the practice of praying and calling out to Jesus again, whether we have food, money, or even clothes. None of those material things will ever change God's everlasting truth and goodness. I'm convinced there are some children in Africa who will wake up in Heaven's glory and will receive more honor than some, because they genuinely believed that Jesus would save them, and because Jesus said himself,
"Many who are first shall be last, and many who last shall be first..."
I'm not saying that it's not a high honor to forever be with the Lord by itself, but I think we place far too great a value on what we possess, or can manufacture, and have completely forgotten the Lord and all the amazing things He has provided to us abundantly. Last time I checked, God didn't charge Adam and Eve for eating all the other trees in the Garden, He just punished them for disobeying Him by eating from the one tree they couldn't eat from. Those children in Africa have absolutely nothing, and have lived in a war torn country for years, stricken by poverty and hopelessness. I'm not saying that we should all feel guilty for living so well, I'm just saying "Wake up!" If we're just living for what's good here and now, what's gonna be our reward THERE and THEN in Heaven? I'm not advocating we should all quit our jobs, or depend on the governement to meet our needs. I'm saying we should divert all our attention, focus, and time on being with Jesus. That's the only thing that's going to last for all eternity.
If a goofy song accomplishes that, praise the Lord. If a gripping movie, causes one soul to repent, Amen. And if one person reading this, decides to take God up on His Word, and encounter the Lord in a very real and vibrant way, then my scatterbrained writing will not have been written in vain. Like the prophets in the Old Testament, the Spirit of God moved on their hearts, and they spoke.
Please forgive me for such a long rant. But I've been thinking about these things for a very long time, and could use some feedback on them.
This will be my final quote for this entry.
"The Church used to act as a thermostat, setting the temperature for society. Now, it acts like a thermometer, only giving a current reading.."
- paraphrased, Martin Luther King, Jr., from "A Letter from Birmingham Jail"
Church we need to repent, and then we can lead others into repentance. Personal revival must happen first before local, regional, national, and international can take place. Obviously, authentic revival only occurs as God the Father directs, and people are faithful to Jesus leading, and the Holy Spirit is given freedom to work. We should never worship a formula, but the God whose mind is unsearchable and fathomless. His name is Jesus. Let's worship Him.
Speaking of which, I just found out recently that filming any building externally is "fair game" from the mayor of Perth. This is incredibly exciting since I've always wanted to film, but often found conflict with getting permission from businesses or administration in government in order to do so. This is like music to a musician's ears. I'm currently working on a few different projects. The first one is a short documentary film called "What is God doing in Perth?" for my church's website, and the other is a modern take on an old kids book called "The Phantom Tollbooth".
This may sound looney, but I've decided to abandon trying to make something happen within the world's market. Why should I have to compromise my ethical standards in the name of entertainment? I think Christian's are just as creative, talented, and intelligent as anyone else, and should be free to create media that glorifies Jesus Christ, and is completely submitted to His authority. It's always been my dream to bring the truth in high definition. Obviously, I need to have the reality check of making sure that it's not just a good thing, but a God thing with whatever I'm doing to serve Jesus. However, I don't think that God makes mistakes, and has given me gifts that need to be used, not abused, to bring the Gospel to an apathetic generation that's more selfish and logical, than selfless and genuine. I've decided to dub this grassroots production company "JESUS-WOOD", because I think it's all about the cross and denying myself, and taking up Jesus wooden cross. This is all so much easier to type on a keyboard, or even read, but quite challenging to live. Let's do what Jesus has asked us to do. Love one another. Speak words that are gracious and affirming. So many films are filled with filthy language, sexually course speech, and derogatory attitudes toward men and women. If for no other reason than that alone, should be enough for us to change things.
"Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good"
-Apostle Paul
"Who is good except God?"
-Jesus
We don't need lots of money, or any of Hollywood's so called stars. With no deadlines, and no budget, I can take as much time as I want on a film AND I don't have to worry about some producer deciding to sacrifice integrity in the name of entertainment, or even worse, cultural relevance. I believe Ravi Zacharias was absolutely right when he said that the order of society should be "Truth is King, and Culture is Relative" not the other way around. Culture is a beautiful thing. Diversity to me is like a pallette full of different colors and tones. Each one of them is special and unique. However, the painting really takes shape, when there's a clear direction for all the colors to align to on the painting.
The saddest thing I've ever scene is an artistic timeline on my home campus, at the Leepa-Rapner Museum in Tarpon Springs, FL at SPC Tarpon campus. In the past few hundred years, all the artistic designs have gotten harder to distinguish. It's almost like the artists have given up trying to trace God's footsteps. As if His fingerprints all over creation aren't beautiful, or that his symmetry is not something to be lost in wonder of. Why must we be either an expressionist, or a modernist? Living somewhere on the extremes of either wild emotion, or pure intellect. Why can't they be balanced? There is beauty in truth, and there is also truth to be found in God's beauty. There's is wisdom in faith, and I have faith in God's wisdom. Do you see the beautiful correlations between the mind and the heart? God did not give us both of these things so that they would be divorced, but so that they could be forever entwined.
I know that the Arts are not given that much priority in our world. A rich man's pleasure, is what some think of this part of society. Similar to classical music, people think they have to wear really nice clothes to enjoy something exquisite. Let me say that the robe the Father gives to the Prodigal Son is much cleaner and warm than anything we can produce. Let's receive God's grace and believe that God can be glorified even in something as trivial as a drawing, painting, movie, tv show, album, statue, or building structure. I know that Art has long reigned with no Ruler. But that isn't true is it? There's always been One King whose name is Faithful. However as the Scripture says,
"..but men hid themselves in darkness, lest their deeds should be exposed.."
I'm not asking for money. I just want prayer. I've decided to stop fighting with my Maker, and use the gifts He's given me for writing and creativity. I'm not a second class citizen in God's Kingdom. There is no class system in God's kingdom. No dictators, or despots, middle class, poor, or somewhere in between any of those things. There's just Jesus and His Bride (the Church). I must admit that as a worship leader, my primary responsibility is to worship the Lord, and lead others into His presence (that's with and without music). I'm called to be a servant, just like everyone else. Sure, I've got some deep thoughts, and a wild imagination. Aren't these some of the same traits we find in God? I'm not saying that I'm God, because I'm definitely not, but we all have similar characteristics that mirror a part of who He is.
There's a great book that I haven't read yet, because it's not intended for me, called "Created to be His Help Meet" by Debi Pearl. In it, she describes three characteristics of men that are all true of who God is. Command Man, Mr. Consistent, and Mr. Visionary. God knows how to get things done by being a strong authority figure. He's also incredibly faithful, and sticks with things until they are complete. God is also able to speak to us in a way that casts a vision of hope, love, peace, and redemption. He can map things out and inspire us to dream big. I've been told by others that I'm a Mr. Consistent, with a touch of visionary.
In summation, humility and a heart that longs to be like Jesus is all my desire in everything, whether that's washing dishes, or writing the next great American novel, it's the same thing. I still have to come to the cross daily and hand over my right to be ambitious, but there is this strong yearning I have. I just want to say "I love you so much Jesus" with everything I have in me. It's unwise for someone to think they will ever match the love that God has poured out on us. However, it's also unwise to over look what Jesus said was the greatest commandment.
"Love the Lord your God with
ALL your heart (that's your emotions),
ALL your mind, (that's your thoughts)
ALL your soul, (that's your will, feelings, and intellect)
ALL your strength, (that's your physical body)
And the second is like it, Love your neighbor as you love yourself"
I cannot love my neighbor, if I am not filled with a love for God. Church, let's get back to serving and loving on Jesus. If the economy is in the tank, that's okay, cause Jesus kingdom will never end. His promises are still in effect. Nothing He has written will fade away.
"The Word of the Lord endures forever"
Let's take up the practice of praying and calling out to Jesus again, whether we have food, money, or even clothes. None of those material things will ever change God's everlasting truth and goodness. I'm convinced there are some children in Africa who will wake up in Heaven's glory and will receive more honor than some, because they genuinely believed that Jesus would save them, and because Jesus said himself,
"Many who are first shall be last, and many who last shall be first..."
I'm not saying that it's not a high honor to forever be with the Lord by itself, but I think we place far too great a value on what we possess, or can manufacture, and have completely forgotten the Lord and all the amazing things He has provided to us abundantly. Last time I checked, God didn't charge Adam and Eve for eating all the other trees in the Garden, He just punished them for disobeying Him by eating from the one tree they couldn't eat from. Those children in Africa have absolutely nothing, and have lived in a war torn country for years, stricken by poverty and hopelessness. I'm not saying that we should all feel guilty for living so well, I'm just saying "Wake up!" If we're just living for what's good here and now, what's gonna be our reward THERE and THEN in Heaven? I'm not advocating we should all quit our jobs, or depend on the governement to meet our needs. I'm saying we should divert all our attention, focus, and time on being with Jesus. That's the only thing that's going to last for all eternity.
If a goofy song accomplishes that, praise the Lord. If a gripping movie, causes one soul to repent, Amen. And if one person reading this, decides to take God up on His Word, and encounter the Lord in a very real and vibrant way, then my scatterbrained writing will not have been written in vain. Like the prophets in the Old Testament, the Spirit of God moved on their hearts, and they spoke.
Please forgive me for such a long rant. But I've been thinking about these things for a very long time, and could use some feedback on them.
This will be my final quote for this entry.
"The Church used to act as a thermostat, setting the temperature for society. Now, it acts like a thermometer, only giving a current reading.."
- paraphrased, Martin Luther King, Jr., from "A Letter from Birmingham Jail"
Church we need to repent, and then we can lead others into repentance. Personal revival must happen first before local, regional, national, and international can take place. Obviously, authentic revival only occurs as God the Father directs, and people are faithful to Jesus leading, and the Holy Spirit is given freedom to work. We should never worship a formula, but the God whose mind is unsearchable and fathomless. His name is Jesus. Let's worship Him.
First Annual Songwriter's Ball
Last Friday night was amazing. Originally the idea was to just use Gen's, my sister in law's, Belkin tunetalk mic that fits on an ipod, and have everyone record using a cheap quick mic, or even using my crummy laptop mic, which my friend Joel says is pretty lame for recording, since any mic you can buy at radio shack would be better than that one. Miraculously, two different people provided ridiculously expensive track recording equipment and studio quality mics. We had the event at the Doornenkamp's house in Westport. Apparently, Jacob Moon has played there before. We had a great time eating some chili that Steph's mom made, and fellowshipping. It took us awhile to set up, us meaning mainly Joel and Amy, but once everything was set to go, we prayed, and led a few worship songs to start the evening. After that, Steph and her mom jumped up and did a great song called "Shadowlands" that her mom wrote the words to, and Stephanie composed the music for. It's got a killer hook, and is very inspiring. Steph also played a couple of new songs she's written like "He longs for you" which is really really good. Next on the list was Amy D. who has so much creativity it's not even funny. Part of the purpose of having a "Songwriter's Ball" is to encourage each other in the gift on songwriting, and this was a perfect opportunity. Amy has some great melodies, and unbelievably awesome lyrics, but a few of her songs aren't quite finished yet, and are open for some collaboration. After Amy's last song, two guys who are exceptionally talented ,Josh and Mark. Mark was able to do some incredible beat-boxing, and Josh keeps it real wish some fresh freestyle. Apparently, it's been almost two years since they did any recording, so they had to practice their rap a few times, but they made us all laugh, and we were glad that they decided to jump out there without being asked ahead of time. Number four on the list was Art, who decided to sing "Lord, I lift your name on high". I played guitar for him, and the girls decided to do back up vocals for him as well. It was very genuine worship. Fifth, on the lineup, is a young guy named Joel Williams, who has a great somber voice that reminds me of a blend of Jack Johnson meets Brian Doerksen, or something. Anyway, he has his own unique style, and some great songs about Jesus. He did one of my favorite songs that he does called "Wildflower" which is really about being content with God...I think, I'm not sure. Anyway, it's got a great line at the end that says "Wildflower, I know that you were wild all along." Good stuff. The last songwriter for the evening was myself. I've just written a new song called, "Christ will Shine" that I did, followed by an older one called "True Love." The evening was not complete however until Amy, Stephanie, and myself sung together on the song we all collaborated on "Psalm 133/Running Down". Three part harmony sounds really nice on that chorus. It's mainly about unity found in Jesus, and His overflowing life continually running down on us.
It was very good. All the music from that evening was acoustic with some vocals. We're recording for the purpose of encouraging the Body of Christ, not necessarily making money, we sing for Jesus only. So were hoping to get all these great tracks mixed down this week, and then start making copies to hand out to friends and family. If you want a copy, let me know and I'll get you one. It's just like God's grace, it's free, and full of love.
One more thing, one of the girls from discipleship helped put together a poster for the evening. I had this idea of a visual representation for Psalms 23:6-7. I saw a picture of someone crying right next to a cup that's spilling over. I firmly believe that when we cry it's a sign that we are filled over the top with the Spirit of God. He loves us so tenderly, and knows all that we've gone through. It's time to let it out and let grace come rushing in, over, and down the sides. It was great to finally see something that I had envisioned two years prior come to pass.
Overdue
Okay, I know. I know. I'm way overdue for an update for friends, family, and myself included. Believe it or not, this is actually highly therapeutic for me to share my thoughts in text. I've had more awesome things happen to me in the last two weeks than has ever happened before. Right now, I'm trying to contain the excitement of working on a worship album (for real, with real sound equipment and incredibly talented people), a short documentary called "What is God doing in Perth?", and also something else that is really good...however, the Gospel is a mystery, and I'm going to leave you in suspense for awhile. Trust me, that it's something very very good.
A few weeks ago, it was my birthday weekend, and I could think of nothing more fun than visiting my brother in Ottawa, and attending his church the next day. I was overwhelmed by the hospitality and generosity that my brother showed, and then even more blown away by the service the next day. The teaching was on Galatians 3 entitled "Come Back to Simple Faith in Jesus" and it was just phenomenal to be reminded of a life based on grace, not human behavior or experience. The worship afterwards was knock your socks off great, and the love of God seemed to be very tangible in that place.
You can find the message here (www.calvaryfellowship.ca). Just click on subscribe to podcast, and then load itunes, if you need to.
After service, I felt led to ask for emotional healing. God has done an amazing work on my heart in the last few weeks. I feel more alive than I have in years. It's taken me awhile to find where I ditched my heart. I left it in Canada, the day that a young girl in FL told me the truth, and gently broke my heart. She did not have the same feelings for me, that I had for her. I've never cried as much as when I recieved that email, and vowed that I would never again encounter that much emotional turmoil. So, I turned off. I took whatever was my heart, threw it in a deep freezer of fear, poured on some heavy weights off ignorance, and then made sure that an ivory tower of knowledge would protect it day and night. I became a machine. A living breathing brain with no heart whatsoever. Looking back, I can see how incredibly foolish this was. I've learned some very key things while being in discipleship.
1. If you're going to follow Jesus, you're going to suffer pain.
"If anyone wants to follow me, let him first deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me."
-Jesus
"Anyone that desires to live godly after Christ Jesus will suffer persecution."
-Apostle Paul
In the Bible, Jesus is described as a man acquainted with sufferring. I doubt if we could relate to God, if He had no clue what it was like to be human. I know I lived in fear of going either too high, or too low with my emotions. I would usually stay low, or in the mid section. Right now, I am flying high, but trying to come back down to the middle from time to time. Others are helping me see when I'm not being myself, and also making sure that my priorities are in order.
2. It does not all depend on you. Jesus bore the weight of the world on His shoulders. You don't have to.
The very first sin in the garden of Eden, happened because of independence. Dependency on God, not only makes sense, but is absolute truth. Right now, we're all depending on God for air to breathe in, and carbon dioxide to breathe out. We don't even realize there are planets that have to be lined up at just the right rotation, otherwise we'd be barbequed to death, or become the "frozen chosen". According to one man, there are things called "mions" that are smaller than protons, neurons, and electrons at the sub-molecular level. These are details that we completely take for granted.
Now, what's my point? My point is that God has made everything good. Don't believe me, read Genesis. That's what He says after he creates all the different things in the universe each day. However, after he was done making man and woman he said that it was "very good". God didn't need our advice, opinion, or approval for creating the smallest particle, or the largest galaxy we can find. He's an amazing engineer, and an impeccable artist. Just looking at the stars alone should fill us with awe and wonder at a God who would create billions of stars just for us. It was those same stars that Abraham saw, when God promised him that He would make Abraham's descendants as numerous as the stars in the night sky.
3. God does not make junk. We are formed in His image, and we are "fearfully and wonderfully made".
There's just something different about taking truth and applying it to our hearts. I've know that the previous statement is true for some time now, but it just never really sank in until recently. God has made me exactly the person that he wanted me to be. I don't talk a lot, but I do write a bit, and love to listen to other people. I've always enjoyed listening to music, and tinkering around with creative things like drawing, writing, composing, and reflecting on things. I've come to realize those are gifts from God, and they don't make me any less of a person than anyone else. I'm reminded of a theme that was used for a young Women's retreat that used aforementioned verse by re-phrasing it this way.
"God thinks you're wonderful."
It really is true. As Bob the tomato is so found of saying,
"God made you special, and He loves you very much."
4. Confusion comes when we focus on what others think of us, instead of the truth found in God's Word (a.k.a. Jesus' love letters).
After I graduated from the discipleship program back in May, we all received Maple Leaf awards, and a nice leather bound New King James Bible. Now, I'm not KJV kinda guy, even though my Dad helped me memorize quite a few verses from that version (i.e. Psalm 23, 91). However, I really came to enjoy reading from this version that takes out the "Thees" and "Thine" and puts in "the" and "Yours". It's much easier to read. Also, "smotten" is no where to be found in this version. Anyway, since there's like 9 students (guys and gals) in discipleship, all our Bibles look very similar, and it was getting hard to distinguish one from the other. I'm not sure who started the trend, but people started writing Scriptures, or how to get saved on the outside of their Bibles. Being the unique guy that I am, I put something I thought was neat on my Bible cover.
Check it out, it's the pic at the top of the blog.
Alright so what you're looking at is a huge heart with a cross in the middle of it. There's also a crown of thorns on the top, but it's probably too light to see.
The words read from top to bottom,
"God's Thoughts, Feelings, and Opinion Towards Humanity Stands Forever."
There's a verse that goes along with it, that I found in Psalms 33:11, and referenced to the side of the heart, but you're probably can't read it.
"The counsel of the Lord stands forever,
The plans of His Heart to all generations."
Ps 33:11
Now, what's really cool is the recent addition which isn't as visible. I took the "O" in "GOD'S" and made it into an eye (the thing you see with). Then, towards the bottom right you can just make out a sheep, right? Well, I put underneath the sheep "ewe", which is a female lamb. If you look at all the pictures from right to left, it says eye (I), heart (love), and then ewe (you). Isn't that cool? I would take credit for it, but Jesus is the one who really made it all possible, having put all those scientific things in place, as well as a love that's actually real, not to mention that creative spark in me that's a gift from Him as well.
5. Don't cheapen the Gospel.
"because of the hope that is laid up in heaven for you, of which you have heard before in the word of the truth of the Gospel, which has come to you, as it has also in all the world, and it is bringing forth fruit, as it also among you since you heard and knew the grace of God in truth;"-Colossians 1:5-6 NKJV
The phrases "word of truth of the Gospel" and "the grace of God in truth" stick out to me. A good friend of mine was encouraging me that it's not enough to preach grace, without repentance. There is a judgment and a reckoning for sin. God is holy, and cannot sin, nor does He tempt others to sin (see the book of James). Without truth, grace is false. Without grace, truth is the law (see Old Testament laws), which is a curse, if you're trying to live under it.
So we need both grace and truth. I think these are also very similar to what Paul wrote to Timothy about faith and love.
"And the grace of our Lord was exceedingly abundant, with faith and love which are in Christ Jesus." 1 Timothy 1:14
"Love is an action, not a feeling". I learned this from one of my pastors. What actions has God done on our behalf? Oh, not much really. Just bore the full weight of humanity's sin, and overcome the world by His death and resurrection. That's all. He did this all firmly believing that we would take His offer of taking our place for judement, and recieve His mercy. That's faith.
Seriously, we don't need to think less of God. I said this in the documentary I'm filming and I firmly believe it. We don't give God nearly as much credit as He deserves. Don't sell God short on His promises, and on who He is. Let truth sink deep into your heart. Be emotionally, as well as logically, connected with God. It's a great thing.
Well, that's all for now. I know I feel better now that this information is being circulated to those whom I miss and care for, as well as friends, and friends in disguise (strangers who are friends I haven't met yet). Have a wonderful day, and please don't be shy in leaving a few comments. I haven't heard from some people in a long time.
Take care,
jesse
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Refreshing Grace
Normally, I have lots of words that I use to describe things that are good. Very good would be an extremely conservative way of expressing this morning's service. It was tremendous, electrifying, refreshing, disarming, and very emotional. Having no bulletins, or powerpoint, did not stop the work of the Holy Spirit. Jason and Ivonne have a serious anointing for leading worship, and did a fantastic job with a familiar worship song "Open the Eyes of My Heart". There's just something about Jesus that makes even what is familiar, alive, fresh, and new. My brother went through Galatians 3 immediately afterwards sharing a simple truth that can not be taught enough. "Simple faith in Jesus Christ works, not our actions or behaviors."
I've never heard a pastor give such an honest confession like this morning. It was very bold. It tied in perfectly with the message that no human effort can achieve God's righteousness. It's the promise of the Spirit, it's the work of the Spirit. The Spirit is Jesus Christ. So, it doesn't rely on me to accomplish God's will, it's God's grace. It's the work of the Holy Spirit. "The just shall live by faith". It has nothing to do with reliance on self, but complete total depedence on God and His grace. I've been a Christian since I was 12 years old. This message can not be taught enough. The reminder of the work of God's grace. What is the answer to a life of sin? A life of faith in Jesus Christ. Everyone strugles with sin, even pastors. Everyone knows what it feels like to screw up, and feel like mold scrappings the next day. It's because we're evaluating ourselves based on human performance, and not on God's unconditional love. God actually loves us. God actually wants to bless us based off of His love for Jesus Christ, not what we can do. After hearing a message on God's solid grace, you can't help but be moved by it. The worship service afterwards was so good. I cried throughout most of it. Several times I couldn't sing, because my heart got in the way. It was like God was reminding me of how He's come to my rescue, He's the One who redeems me. We had people sing in the Spirit about God and HIs presence. One guy prayed and said to kneel down before the Lord and ask Him to be His Savior. Another guy on the far side of the room was being ministered to heavily by the Spirit of God, and was yelling under the weight of God's grace. Several people prayed over him. God's love was incredibly event. Prayer afterwards was greatly encouraging. To see so many filled with God's Spirit of love. To know that the Holy Spirit can produce in us an overabundance of "love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, perserverance, and self-control." I feel refreshed and strengthened. God is continuing to do the work of healing that He spoke to me about this year in my heart. I need to come back again sometime. The brothers from Perth greet you. May God continue to bless Calvary Fellowship, and grow His kingdom according to "praise of His glory".
I've never heard a pastor give such an honest confession like this morning. It was very bold. It tied in perfectly with the message that no human effort can achieve God's righteousness. It's the promise of the Spirit, it's the work of the Spirit. The Spirit is Jesus Christ. So, it doesn't rely on me to accomplish God's will, it's God's grace. It's the work of the Holy Spirit. "The just shall live by faith". It has nothing to do with reliance on self, but complete total depedence on God and His grace. I've been a Christian since I was 12 years old. This message can not be taught enough. The reminder of the work of God's grace. What is the answer to a life of sin? A life of faith in Jesus Christ. Everyone strugles with sin, even pastors. Everyone knows what it feels like to screw up, and feel like mold scrappings the next day. It's because we're evaluating ourselves based on human performance, and not on God's unconditional love. God actually loves us. God actually wants to bless us based off of His love for Jesus Christ, not what we can do. After hearing a message on God's solid grace, you can't help but be moved by it. The worship service afterwards was so good. I cried throughout most of it. Several times I couldn't sing, because my heart got in the way. It was like God was reminding me of how He's come to my rescue, He's the One who redeems me. We had people sing in the Spirit about God and HIs presence. One guy prayed and said to kneel down before the Lord and ask Him to be His Savior. Another guy on the far side of the room was being ministered to heavily by the Spirit of God, and was yelling under the weight of God's grace. Several people prayed over him. God's love was incredibly event. Prayer afterwards was greatly encouraging. To see so many filled with God's Spirit of love. To know that the Holy Spirit can produce in us an overabundance of "love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, perserverance, and self-control." I feel refreshed and strengthened. God is continuing to do the work of healing that He spoke to me about this year in my heart. I need to come back again sometime. The brothers from Perth greet you. May God continue to bless Calvary Fellowship, and grow His kingdom according to "praise of His glory".
Friday, May 22, 2009
The Latest
In the past few months, God has completely changed my plans. I've decided to stay on as a worship leader for a small church in Perth called Northgate Ministries, and abandon my orginal ambition to be in the recording industry. I've chosen to go with ministry rather than industry. Why? God changed my plans. They are completely demolished. I had such big dreams of changing the entertainment world, and sharing the Gospel through media, but all that is gone.
Last month, while I was asking the Lord what He wanted me to do regarding staying on as the worship leader, and I felt God speak to my heart and say "Yes." I was dumbfounded at how fast I had received an answer, and asked the Lord for confirmation that this was His voice, and not my own. He took me to Joshua 5 where there was a man with a drawn sword, and Joshua walked up to him and said, "Are you for us, or for our enemies?" The man said, "Neither, but as Commander of the armies of Heaven, I've come to take over." God gave me further instruction saying, "This is my thing, not yours."
It was based off of those two things, what God had spoken to my heart, and also through His word, that everything hung in the balance last wednesday night. This past week I went to a Pastor's Conference in Maryland, and came back Wednesday night going through border security. I was a few days late in leaving from my 90 period, so I knew I would encounter some trouble coming into Canada again. Officers are trained to be intimidating, and pull the truth out of you. After asking me a few general questions, he told me to wait on the bench.
I sat next a young man who had a t-shirt that said "Pain and punishment". There was absolutely no way I was going to let that be his future. I started talking to him and finding out where he's from and where's he's going. I told him about how I felt called by God to lead worship, and follow Jesus, and proceeded to ask him what he thought about Jesus. He explained how he had a catholic background, and really hadn't been to church in a while. I told him about how salvation is like a present on Christmas day, you can either choose to open it, or leave it under the tree. It's your choice. I also told him that most people don't know that God not only has the power to forgive our sin, but also deliver us from the power of sin. Then my good friend Paul with the gift of evangelism, took over from there, and before I knew Dan was reading a Bible, starting with the Gospel of John. That's when I was summoned back to the front desk again.
The patrol asked why I didn't say that I was in a discipleship program at the beggining? I explained that I was shy about staying that I was going through a discipleship program, and that's why I said that I was visiting friends, and family. I proceeded to explain that my orginal intentions were to only stay for three months then go home, but my plans changed within the last month. He asked me, "Why haven't you filled out the right paper work, you had three months?" I told him, that I had looked online, and found scarce information regarding what I actually needed as a religous volunteer non-permit worker. He said that I would not be able to cross that night, and would have to return to U.S Customs, and proceeded to hand me a legal document stating that I was allowed to leave Canada. This was just killing me. I thought of thousands of times of Bible studies at the Gosse House, spontaneous worship, fasts on wednesdays, sharing the Gospel at anytime, with anybody. I thought of all the warm people in our fellowship, and the idea of never seeing any of them, or what I was a part of ever again.
I was unsure of where I would stay, or whether I would have to get a ticket back to FL. The border patrolmen was telling Paul, as the driver, that I would have to be driven back to U.S. Customs. Paul, very respectully said, that they would be more than happy to do that, but wanted to know what I would need in order to go back into Canada that night. The patrolmen showed the list of documents, and things that needed to be signed. Dan jumped in and said that he was the pastor, and would be more than happy to supply those things, and whether he could send them by email. Meanwhile, Joel jumped in and helped calm the situation by using the right words and some goverment connections,I'm not sure. So, before I know it, Dan is on the phone, then Joel, then Dan, and their talking to Amy (Dan's wife) who was trying to put 8 kids to bed and type out on offer of ministerial employment at the same time. For me, this was absolutely insane. I'm the type of guy who is more than prepared for any and all situations, and I do not like giving much to chance. It was incredibly emotional and nerve wracking. Did I really hear from God, or is this just going to blow up in my face? I waited for hours, and tried to pray for the guard. As I'm waiting, Dan asked what degree I had. I told him that I have an Associate of Arts in General Education with a minor in Music. I didn't realize how glad I would be that I got that degree!
A few hours later, all the documents made it through, Dan signed a document, I signed one, and all the other paper was in order. The result is a year long religious volunteer non-worker visa. This is indeed a miracle. When I first came to Canada in 2007, I had more paperwork, from two pastors in the States, and just one pastor in Canada, my brother, and it didn't work out at all. I breathed a sigh of relief. We waited for pizza that Paul and Joel went to go get.
On the car ride back to Canada, the words of a song came across my mind
"Just to know that my hopes rest in Your heart...Just to know that You are always with me, just to know that your promises, will STAY RIGHT HERE." (Rita Springer "Just to Know")
I was softly crying as I thought of God's faithfulness. I am living in the unknown world of faith, where I do not live by what I see, but by what I can't see. I don't know how everything is going to work out in this life, but as I learned from an illustration from Damian Kyle this past week, an elderly couple in his church had a drawing in their house that was a sillouhette of Jesus with words written underneath, "I never said it would be easy. I just said it would be worth it."
Last month, while I was asking the Lord what He wanted me to do regarding staying on as the worship leader, and I felt God speak to my heart and say "Yes." I was dumbfounded at how fast I had received an answer, and asked the Lord for confirmation that this was His voice, and not my own. He took me to Joshua 5 where there was a man with a drawn sword, and Joshua walked up to him and said, "Are you for us, or for our enemies?" The man said, "Neither, but as Commander of the armies of Heaven, I've come to take over." God gave me further instruction saying, "This is my thing, not yours."
It was based off of those two things, what God had spoken to my heart, and also through His word, that everything hung in the balance last wednesday night. This past week I went to a Pastor's Conference in Maryland, and came back Wednesday night going through border security. I was a few days late in leaving from my 90 period, so I knew I would encounter some trouble coming into Canada again. Officers are trained to be intimidating, and pull the truth out of you. After asking me a few general questions, he told me to wait on the bench.
I sat next a young man who had a t-shirt that said "Pain and punishment". There was absolutely no way I was going to let that be his future. I started talking to him and finding out where he's from and where's he's going. I told him about how I felt called by God to lead worship, and follow Jesus, and proceeded to ask him what he thought about Jesus. He explained how he had a catholic background, and really hadn't been to church in a while. I told him about how salvation is like a present on Christmas day, you can either choose to open it, or leave it under the tree. It's your choice. I also told him that most people don't know that God not only has the power to forgive our sin, but also deliver us from the power of sin. Then my good friend Paul with the gift of evangelism, took over from there, and before I knew Dan was reading a Bible, starting with the Gospel of John. That's when I was summoned back to the front desk again.
The patrol asked why I didn't say that I was in a discipleship program at the beggining? I explained that I was shy about staying that I was going through a discipleship program, and that's why I said that I was visiting friends, and family. I proceeded to explain that my orginal intentions were to only stay for three months then go home, but my plans changed within the last month. He asked me, "Why haven't you filled out the right paper work, you had three months?" I told him, that I had looked online, and found scarce information regarding what I actually needed as a religous volunteer non-permit worker. He said that I would not be able to cross that night, and would have to return to U.S Customs, and proceeded to hand me a legal document stating that I was allowed to leave Canada. This was just killing me. I thought of thousands of times of Bible studies at the Gosse House, spontaneous worship, fasts on wednesdays, sharing the Gospel at anytime, with anybody. I thought of all the warm people in our fellowship, and the idea of never seeing any of them, or what I was a part of ever again.
I was unsure of where I would stay, or whether I would have to get a ticket back to FL. The border patrolmen was telling Paul, as the driver, that I would have to be driven back to U.S. Customs. Paul, very respectully said, that they would be more than happy to do that, but wanted to know what I would need in order to go back into Canada that night. The patrolmen showed the list of documents, and things that needed to be signed. Dan jumped in and said that he was the pastor, and would be more than happy to supply those things, and whether he could send them by email. Meanwhile, Joel jumped in and helped calm the situation by using the right words and some goverment connections,I'm not sure. So, before I know it, Dan is on the phone, then Joel, then Dan, and their talking to Amy (Dan's wife) who was trying to put 8 kids to bed and type out on offer of ministerial employment at the same time. For me, this was absolutely insane. I'm the type of guy who is more than prepared for any and all situations, and I do not like giving much to chance. It was incredibly emotional and nerve wracking. Did I really hear from God, or is this just going to blow up in my face? I waited for hours, and tried to pray for the guard. As I'm waiting, Dan asked what degree I had. I told him that I have an Associate of Arts in General Education with a minor in Music. I didn't realize how glad I would be that I got that degree!
A few hours later, all the documents made it through, Dan signed a document, I signed one, and all the other paper was in order. The result is a year long religious volunteer non-worker visa. This is indeed a miracle. When I first came to Canada in 2007, I had more paperwork, from two pastors in the States, and just one pastor in Canada, my brother, and it didn't work out at all. I breathed a sigh of relief. We waited for pizza that Paul and Joel went to go get.
On the car ride back to Canada, the words of a song came across my mind
"Just to know that my hopes rest in Your heart...Just to know that You are always with me, just to know that your promises, will STAY RIGHT HERE." (Rita Springer "Just to Know")
I was softly crying as I thought of God's faithfulness. I am living in the unknown world of faith, where I do not live by what I see, but by what I can't see. I don't know how everything is going to work out in this life, but as I learned from an illustration from Damian Kyle this past week, an elderly couple in his church had a drawing in their house that was a sillouhette of Jesus with words written underneath, "I never said it would be easy. I just said it would be worth it."
Thursday, May 14, 2009
The Book that shows His face
So I'm going to delete my entire facebook account, simply because it's a major distraction and not nearly as exciting as living for Jesus in the real world. I find that facebook lends to confusion between guy and girl relationships, with situations like "Define the relationship" which is not edifying for single people trying to serve and follow Jesus. This is my own personal conviction however, and in the past I've found facebook useful for connecting with friends and college students, for the purpose of sharing the Gospel with them. So, I think that's definitely a Romans 14 issue.
However, at the present time, actually talking to people face to face, or even sending an email seems more than adequate. I will not be able to blog nearly as much as I used to. I've fallen in love with God's Word. I've never seen so clearly the face of God displayed throughout the Bible. A friend shared with me a quick devotional that talked about a copy of the Constitution that was hard to read close up, but if you move away from it, you can see the face of George Washington, the father of our country (America). When I read the Bible, I don't see history, words, syllables, or poetic imagery. I'm looking God in the face and hearing Him speak to me. There's nothing else that compares to this. I want to share more, but I need to go. There are more changes and revelations, but they'll have to wait. Take a break from facebook, and seek His face instead. You won't regret it. :)
However, at the present time, actually talking to people face to face, or even sending an email seems more than adequate. I will not be able to blog nearly as much as I used to. I've fallen in love with God's Word. I've never seen so clearly the face of God displayed throughout the Bible. A friend shared with me a quick devotional that talked about a copy of the Constitution that was hard to read close up, but if you move away from it, you can see the face of George Washington, the father of our country (America). When I read the Bible, I don't see history, words, syllables, or poetic imagery. I'm looking God in the face and hearing Him speak to me. There's nothing else that compares to this. I want to share more, but I need to go. There are more changes and revelations, but they'll have to wait. Take a break from facebook, and seek His face instead. You won't regret it. :)
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
An explanation for delays
It's hard to find a starting place today. I'm so glad that I'm finally done with my degree. Now, I only have to wait a week to apply for graduation, once again, and then I finally have my colleg diploma. I'm so glad the stress of one more test is done for now. Last week, I passed the last C.L.A.S.T. test I needed for the mathematics requirement. The next day, I went to see an Orthodontist to see if I have TMJ (temporomandibular joint disorder), which apparently I have. The same day I got my second cortisone shot, which was a bit more painful this time, than it was earlier this month. I was actually very upset, because I had plans for leaving for Canada again this past Friday. However, there are a few more doctor visits that require me to physically be here, so I won't be leaving for Canada until the first weekend of next month (February).
Right now I'm sorting through everything in my mind. A degree that's been my entire life for the past five years is over. I'm starting to get things rolling with Full Sail University and gearing up for an intense discipleship program coming up. I think I'm overdue for some reflection, and some deep counsel from God's Word. It's not to say that I can't do this here at home, but there's something different about going where there are few distractions and warm friends. This is not to say that there aren't warm friends here. It's just different.
Although things may not be difficult for someone else, an allowance of difficulty within one's own situation should be granted to that person. This past year has been a trial by fire for me. I've given up numerous opportunities to hang with old friends, stayed on course with my studies, and even have pitched in with household chores. I've applied for work several times, at a variety of different businesses, with little success. God has provided funds to pay for medical bills, and even tuition for my last semester. I've had sleepless nights were my neck felt like it was on fire, or my back would cramp up on me. It's taken me six months of physical rehab to be able to wear a backpack over my neck without having a night of stinging pain. Having endured all these things, you can imagine, that knowing that I had to take one more test a few weeks before graduation, felt like a punch in the gut. I thought I had already done enough. Despite all these obstacles, I finally made it to the other side, and there's nothing anyone can do to take it away. I watched "the Lord of the Rings" trilogy this past week, and could relate to Frodo collapsing on Mt. Doom. He's finally made it to the quests end and just wants to it all to be over with. I know that I'm being melodramatic, but things have been rough lately. I know there are others facing even worse problems right now, and I should consider myself lucky for the family and resources that I have. I guess I just wanted to give an explanation for the need to go away for awhile.
A brother once shared with me, "Between hearing a word from the Lord, you do the best you can." That's where I'm at right now. I'm doing the best I can and waiting to hear a fresh word from the Lord. The interesting thing about extreme circumstances is that they show you what you're made of, and what's really going on inside of you. I wish I could say it was all good, but there's a lot that needs to be taken out. God has been showing me some things that have been lurking way down on the bottom of my heart. The heat had to be turned up to get rid of it. That's the thing about dross, it's got to come out.
"Remove the dross from the silver, and out comes material for the silversmith;"
Proverbs 25:4
Right now I'm sorting through everything in my mind. A degree that's been my entire life for the past five years is over. I'm starting to get things rolling with Full Sail University and gearing up for an intense discipleship program coming up. I think I'm overdue for some reflection, and some deep counsel from God's Word. It's not to say that I can't do this here at home, but there's something different about going where there are few distractions and warm friends. This is not to say that there aren't warm friends here. It's just different.
Although things may not be difficult for someone else, an allowance of difficulty within one's own situation should be granted to that person. This past year has been a trial by fire for me. I've given up numerous opportunities to hang with old friends, stayed on course with my studies, and even have pitched in with household chores. I've applied for work several times, at a variety of different businesses, with little success. God has provided funds to pay for medical bills, and even tuition for my last semester. I've had sleepless nights were my neck felt like it was on fire, or my back would cramp up on me. It's taken me six months of physical rehab to be able to wear a backpack over my neck without having a night of stinging pain. Having endured all these things, you can imagine, that knowing that I had to take one more test a few weeks before graduation, felt like a punch in the gut. I thought I had already done enough. Despite all these obstacles, I finally made it to the other side, and there's nothing anyone can do to take it away. I watched "the Lord of the Rings" trilogy this past week, and could relate to Frodo collapsing on Mt. Doom. He's finally made it to the quests end and just wants to it all to be over with. I know that I'm being melodramatic, but things have been rough lately. I know there are others facing even worse problems right now, and I should consider myself lucky for the family and resources that I have. I guess I just wanted to give an explanation for the need to go away for awhile.
A brother once shared with me, "Between hearing a word from the Lord, you do the best you can." That's where I'm at right now. I'm doing the best I can and waiting to hear a fresh word from the Lord. The interesting thing about extreme circumstances is that they show you what you're made of, and what's really going on inside of you. I wish I could say it was all good, but there's a lot that needs to be taken out. God has been showing me some things that have been lurking way down on the bottom of my heart. The heat had to be turned up to get rid of it. That's the thing about dross, it's got to come out.
"Remove the dross from the silver, and out comes material for the silversmith;"
Proverbs 25:4
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