Pointilism

I used to think that life is this big grand thing. I've come to the realization that in reality, it's much much smaller. I am a blot of paint, merely a fraction of a painting, and not the entire painting itself. The Artist, is the only one with the ability to comprehend how great the painting really is, and the intended message behind it. I am very small, and can not possibly understand "things that are too lofty for me". I am neither unimportant, nor am I the center of the universe. I am number 5249, and I live in quadrant three, address -x = 15.9, -y = 23.4. I am a dot, and I'm okay with that.

Guitar

I just recently started playing guitar again. I blew the dust off the case, and tried to strum a few chords. The callouses in my fingers are gone, but I still know how to play. I tried to remember the songs that I wrote, and was searching for one in particular. I decided to rewrite it as Jesus speaking to us. It's very simple. Here are the words.

"Follow Me,
Deny your fear, take up your cross,
And follow Me"

A book I just read recently, inspired me to come back, and pick up my old passion again. I do so now with the knowledge that I can face anything with Jesus even pain, and my worst fear. I won't always feel this way, but it's good to be reminded of truth.

Book Review

Like the revving of an engine, on a racetrack, I started the first chapter of Paul Coughlin's "No More Christian Nice Guy", and flew through four chapters. Man, that was a rush. Not everyone may agree about what this guy says, but I loved every single word. It has the same thinking of "Wild at Heart", but on a completely different level. I saw an advertisement in an old magazine called "Discipleship Journal" that some friends gave to us. I decided to see if the local library had a copy, and they did. Bingo.

What can I say about this book? It's good. There are so many good quotes, and insights about Jesus as a human being and also a man. The classic cultural image of Jesus as the "Supreme Nice Guy", was completely torn to shreds. In my minds eye, Paul illustrates a battle between the authentic Jesus who was masculine and assertive, and an effeminate weak Jesus who is always nice and never real. This is not to say that Paul suggests that Jesus wasn't gentle but "being tender goes right along with being tough". As I read this book, other thoughts started to form in my mind, for instance, Jesus had balls...literally. Jesus with facial hair, muscles, and a deeper voice starts to emerge. It's awesome.

There's one chapter in particular where Paul shares his childhood days, and I don't think I've ever read something so transparent. I cried when I read some of what he's walked through, and I think most men can connect with him at some point, whether their stories are exactly the same or not. He does a nice job of balancing things out and explaining the difference between being passive, aggressive, and assertive. Also, he is recommending that men be themselves, "not macho idiots."

I could go on and on about it, but I was greatly encouraged after I read this book. I heartily recommend it to men especially, but also to women, who can understand how their role is crucial in this world too. Grab a copy, and hold on tight.

Healthcare

It's really hard to pin point all that I'm feeling and thinking these days. I would've never thought that I would be looking for a job in the health care industry. If I succeed at the test I will be taking in the near future, I will become a C.N.A. (certified nurses assistant). This may sound important, but it's a very small part of all that goes on in a hospital, retirement home, psych ward, etc. I would only be handling things like blood pressure, bedpans, and such. I was explaining some of what's involved with asking to clean an elderly persons private area, and a friend of mine explained, "Man, that's got to take some guts." I said this then, and I hope I'll continue to say it in the future, "The person I'm helping is unable to help themselves. I guess I just have a lot of compassion for people." I used to think that it was wise to place all of the passion that I have into my friends, family, and also a future wife. I've learned that distribution of that love to more people is wiser, and also healthier. This job would allow me to do just that. Passion is neither my enemy, nor my best friend. Passion is the release of strength and power to do either great good, or great evil.

God help me to love others passionately. To stand my ground on some occasions, and to gently lead on other occasions. Give me the courage to console the weak, and the dying.

Even once I've passed my certification, there's re-training on location, and other uncertainties. I'm taking a step of faith into uncharted territory, and I don't really know what will happen. God does, and I'm confident He's behind me all the way, no matter what.