So today, I was thinking to myself about how God wants the deepest part of my heart. I'm listening to U2 while going for a walk today and that's when I started thinking. Despite the ugliness of life, God is still beautiful. He is the only fulfillment of this strong desire inside.
"I still haven't found what I'm looking for".
I'm not sure what this song is about, but it reminds me of Heaven. I think that's what we're all really looking for, and we get really disappointed when we don't find it in our vain pursuits for alternatives to God.
A friend recommended a good book, that is really challenging me called, "Praying God's Word" by Beth Moore. It's actually really good and helping me to relocate the heart of worship I once had. Praise isn't always without sacrifice. Sometimes you have to put your feelings and experiences aside and focus on the truth. This is so much easier said than done. I'm slowly starting to understand. My circumstances are probably not going to change in the time frame I would like them to, and the difficulties I face may not stop for the rest of my life. Am I still going to believe the truth and choose to walk in it? Tough truth, but necessary for maturity and growth.
The lessons of endurance through trials and tribulations of many kinds goes on. I don't like it at all, but things have to change eventually. I was talking with a guy at church a few days ago who was encouraging me that "God is faithful" concerning not having a job. He was without one for almost a year, before God provided what he needed. I've only been looking for a few months now, so it could be worse. In the meantime, I'm looking into volunteering somewhere local like a hospital or a school. This would at least give me something to do while looking for work.
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