Here is a quick glance at last year:
discipleship in Perth, ON
Got to read the Bible, Worship, Pray, Fast, and Fellowship a lot,
Mission trip that went to Northbay, Sturgeon Falls, Timmins, Chapeleu,etc., for a week
Religious Visa for extended stay,
Led worship for a small church in Perth for 9 months
South East Pastor's Conference
Worked with very talented worship team,
Met a very talented guy named Joel,
Went out with a very godly young lady,
She broke up with me three weeks later,
Got to record in a real music studio,
Played amateur music producer for a local group in Toronto,
Learned how to paint from A Christian artist in Perth who supplied lessons, paint,and materials,
Took several photo's of beautiful Perth, click here for details, www.beautifulperth.com
Took up screenwriting, and started writing a script for a kid's book,
Became distracted, b/c every place reminded me of the girl I went out with,
Bought a brand new ipod touch,
Left Canada in time for American Thanksgiving,
Came back to Canada a week later to ask the same girl I went out with to marry me,
She kindly declined, and I discovered something,
I'm bipolar, and need medication,
Left Canada for Florida with some much needed closure and medication,
My mac died after producing one last video the other week,
My friend Jason Wagg is right when he says, "Jesse, you've never had a boring day in your entire life."
If this is a glance at the past, then the future has got to be good. I just need to take it one day at a time, and not try to do so much on my own. For now, I'm looking for work, and doing household chores for my family. Nothing earth shattering these days. Plenty of rest, and some much needed relaxation. I'm seeing a licensed therapyst weekly and scheduled to see a doctor for new medication that doesn't leave me feeling like a zombie during the day, in the next few weeks.
So bring it on 2010. I'm ready for ya. :)
Thursday, December 31, 2009
I did some research today on bipiolar disorder. I was curious if any famous people had dealt with this or other mental illnesses. There were three that were of interest to me.
1. Ludwig van Beethoven, composer, had bipolar disorder which some have said gave him such creative power that his compositions broke the mold for classical music forever. He was a child prodigy which his father tried to exploit. His “manic” episodes seemed to fuel his creativity. He wrote his most famous works during times of torment, loneliness, and suffering psychotic delusions.
It took him 12 years to finish his last and 8th Symphony in total deafness. He then medicated himself with the only drugs available in that day to bring some relief –opium and alcohol- and died several years later of liver disease.
2. Winston Churchill, Prime Minister of Great Britain who, as one of the “Big Three” (Churchill, Roosevelt and Stalin) to lead the world to the defeat of Hitler in WWII, told in his own writings of suffering from “black dog” Churchill’s term for severe and serious depression. Less often talked about are his writings of how he often self-medicated with alcohol to deal with these times. Like so many other famous people with a mental illness, he was able to make the great contribution he did through sheer personal determination. There was a nation, he said, and a world depending on his efforts to lead Britain and the world in the defeat of their common and formidable enemy of Nazism.
3. Ruth Graham (daughter of Ruth and Billy Graham) writes about her many years of suffering with depression, drugs, eating disorders and thoughts of suicide in her 2004 book "In Every Pew Sits A Broken Heart," Church was never the comfort for her that it seemed to be for others. An adult with a tragic life behind her, she was finally able to talk about it. Being the daughter of a famous preacher she felt she should not have problems. Through the steady love of her family she was able
to feel God’s forgiveness. Her message today is that being a Christian doesn’t guarantee us a perfect life. She hopes her story will give those who want to serve others a place to start in knowing what to do and say.
Praise God, that I live in a time where diagnosis and medication are possible. This is very encouraging for me to read. You can access the rest of the list here:
http://www.mentalhealthministries.net/links_resources/other_resources/famouspeople.pdf
1. Ludwig van Beethoven, composer, had bipolar disorder which some have said gave him such creative power that his compositions broke the mold for classical music forever. He was a child prodigy which his father tried to exploit. His “manic” episodes seemed to fuel his creativity. He wrote his most famous works during times of torment, loneliness, and suffering psychotic delusions.
It took him 12 years to finish his last and 8th Symphony in total deafness. He then medicated himself with the only drugs available in that day to bring some relief –opium and alcohol- and died several years later of liver disease.
2. Winston Churchill, Prime Minister of Great Britain who, as one of the “Big Three” (Churchill, Roosevelt and Stalin) to lead the world to the defeat of Hitler in WWII, told in his own writings of suffering from “black dog” Churchill’s term for severe and serious depression. Less often talked about are his writings of how he often self-medicated with alcohol to deal with these times. Like so many other famous people with a mental illness, he was able to make the great contribution he did through sheer personal determination. There was a nation, he said, and a world depending on his efforts to lead Britain and the world in the defeat of their common and formidable enemy of Nazism.
3. Ruth Graham (daughter of Ruth and Billy Graham) writes about her many years of suffering with depression, drugs, eating disorders and thoughts of suicide in her 2004 book "In Every Pew Sits A Broken Heart," Church was never the comfort for her that it seemed to be for others. An adult with a tragic life behind her, she was finally able to talk about it. Being the daughter of a famous preacher she felt she should not have problems. Through the steady love of her family she was able
to feel God’s forgiveness. Her message today is that being a Christian doesn’t guarantee us a perfect life. She hopes her story will give those who want to serve others a place to start in knowing what to do and say.
Praise God, that I live in a time where diagnosis and medication are possible. This is very encouraging for me to read. You can access the rest of the list here:
http://www.mentalhealthministries.net/links_resources/other_resources/famouspeople.pdf
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Keep Moving Forward
This is not only a great line from the movie, "Meet the Robinsons", it's also a good philosophy for life.
"...forgetting what is behind, and straining toward what is ahead."
-Phil 3:14
Although, I'm barely moving an inch toward a career, this is a great time to just enjoy where I'm at, on the way to where I am going. One of the cool quotes from discipleship was "It's not the destination, it's the journey."
I went for a morning constitution, although my manic energy is almost completely gone, and decided to "use my muscles to teach my brain." On the way, I got to see a gorgeous palm tree, that was as beautiful as a postcard. I wish I would've had my camera. There wasn't a cloud in the clear blue sky. Then, as I'm coming back to my house, I get to see not one, but three, hawks circling each other just over my house. They were dark brown, with white feathers underneath. They looked strong and majestic as they glided twenty feet above me.
Afterwards, went to the local library with my sister, and found a book called "Living with Bipolar disorder". I've already read a few chapters, and found the book to be incredibly encouraging, and insightful. According to the book, in the United States alone, "10 million men and women suffer from bipolar disorder." Know what that means? That's ten million people I can relate to, and share the Gospel with. I still have some steps to accomplish before I get there, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone.
In all seriousness, this is the greatest fear I've ever had (manic-depression). I just try to take one day at a time, and thank God that I'm able to be with my family, as I learn how to cope with this mental illness. I'd really like to take a photo of a plaque that hangs in a local hospital. They have names of several intelligent men, and women who have had varying mental problems.
The thing that really bugs me, is that this puts my entire life on hold. All the plans that I had, are now thrown out the window, and I don't really know what to do. I wanted so badly to go to Full Sail, but it looks like it might take me a year, or more to get healthy. As my friend Joe Becker has said, "Holiness is wholeness." I don't have the emotional and mental stamina to handle something as big as Full Sail right now. I know that this is a good thing in the long run, but in the short run it's really lame.
On the plus side, I've applied to three different starbucks, a local recreation center, and a staples. There are a few other places I'm considering to apply to, but only if I'm really deperate. It's hard to be patient during the holidays. I still have a good lead on a job with my former employer, Sam Ash Music, as a salesman in Recording, but we'll see what comes of that. At this point, any job would suffice.
"For every action, there is an opposite, yet exact reaction." I was really on the upside, and now I'm without energy on the down side. Oh, well, at least I'm not on "the dark side of the force." LOL I was thinking the other day, how good it is to know that Jesus will walk with me, even through my worst fears.
This condition is my worst fear. I know that for those who don't have it, you wonder, why doesn't he just snap out of me. For me, the emotions are extreme and real. I can't tell you how much I appreciate prayer and encouraging words. Me and Jesus are going to have to ride this thing out together. I choose to be better, not bitter, over the turn of circumstances. Eventually, I will be able to take care of business, but for now, I just take one day at a time.
"...forgetting what is behind, and straining toward what is ahead."
-Phil 3:14
Although, I'm barely moving an inch toward a career, this is a great time to just enjoy where I'm at, on the way to where I am going. One of the cool quotes from discipleship was "It's not the destination, it's the journey."
I went for a morning constitution, although my manic energy is almost completely gone, and decided to "use my muscles to teach my brain." On the way, I got to see a gorgeous palm tree, that was as beautiful as a postcard. I wish I would've had my camera. There wasn't a cloud in the clear blue sky. Then, as I'm coming back to my house, I get to see not one, but three, hawks circling each other just over my house. They were dark brown, with white feathers underneath. They looked strong and majestic as they glided twenty feet above me.
Afterwards, went to the local library with my sister, and found a book called "Living with Bipolar disorder". I've already read a few chapters, and found the book to be incredibly encouraging, and insightful. According to the book, in the United States alone, "10 million men and women suffer from bipolar disorder." Know what that means? That's ten million people I can relate to, and share the Gospel with. I still have some steps to accomplish before I get there, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone.
In all seriousness, this is the greatest fear I've ever had (manic-depression). I just try to take one day at a time, and thank God that I'm able to be with my family, as I learn how to cope with this mental illness. I'd really like to take a photo of a plaque that hangs in a local hospital. They have names of several intelligent men, and women who have had varying mental problems.
The thing that really bugs me, is that this puts my entire life on hold. All the plans that I had, are now thrown out the window, and I don't really know what to do. I wanted so badly to go to Full Sail, but it looks like it might take me a year, or more to get healthy. As my friend Joe Becker has said, "Holiness is wholeness." I don't have the emotional and mental stamina to handle something as big as Full Sail right now. I know that this is a good thing in the long run, but in the short run it's really lame.
On the plus side, I've applied to three different starbucks, a local recreation center, and a staples. There are a few other places I'm considering to apply to, but only if I'm really deperate. It's hard to be patient during the holidays. I still have a good lead on a job with my former employer, Sam Ash Music, as a salesman in Recording, but we'll see what comes of that. At this point, any job would suffice.
"For every action, there is an opposite, yet exact reaction." I was really on the upside, and now I'm without energy on the down side. Oh, well, at least I'm not on "the dark side of the force." LOL I was thinking the other day, how good it is to know that Jesus will walk with me, even through my worst fears.
This condition is my worst fear. I know that for those who don't have it, you wonder, why doesn't he just snap out of me. For me, the emotions are extreme and real. I can't tell you how much I appreciate prayer and encouraging words. Me and Jesus are going to have to ride this thing out together. I choose to be better, not bitter, over the turn of circumstances. Eventually, I will be able to take care of business, but for now, I just take one day at a time.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Thoughts on Christmas Eve
The sounds of presents being packaged, and ribbons being tied are going on all around me. It's great to be back home with my family, nibbling on some christmas cookies, and trying not to think so much about myself. I had to take some thoughts captive earlier today.
I said, to myself, I don't deserve anything for Christmas. After I thought about that awhile, I realized that no one deserves anything for Christmas. The scripture verse that came to mind was, "Why are you so envious, that I am so generous?"
Leave it to God, to allow, and condone presents giving to each other on His birthday. I know we usually think of this as a negative thing, to bring up the birth of Christ. No, I'm not saying that we should feel guilty for giving or receiving presents tomorrow. No, the whole point of the day is to give,recieve, and feel God's love and forgiveness.
Can you imagine how odd it would be if Jesus never came? We would be absolutely hopeless, and have nothing to hang on to. But Jesus did come, and what a blessing we have been freely given. God gave the most precious, prized possession, He had. His only Son. What tremendous love God has for us. We certainly don't deserve it, but it's still ours for the taking anyway. What a wonderful gift. We will always have His love. Christmas is a celebration of God's love for mankind and it is indeed endless. No love will ever match our Savior's incomparable luxiorious affection. Sweeter than the frosting on a fresh batch of cookies, and more filling than a Christmas ham. Things can only get better with Jesus, because He will always be a good thing.
The best thing that can happen to someone is if they lose everything; money, relationships, possessions, you name it. They'll discover a wonderful truth, if God allows them to. We will never be separated from His love, and so we are never alone. It is nice, however, to be with those in flesh and blood, but it was His flesh, and His blood that gave us full assurance of never being without God. Are we alone in the universe? Only if we stick our fingers in our ears, and miss the sound of His voice. Or cover our eyes, so that the brilliance of His creation doesn't astound us like the sun in the sky.
Tomorrow is the celebration of what David Crowder calls "a revolutionary love". God's love has changed, is changing, and will continue to change the world. To be a vessel, of that love, is the living heartbeat of every believer. God is the change that we seek. God is a revolution of peace and stillness, in a world of confusion and chaos. Rather than hate and fear, a great mixture of love with truth can change everything. No matter what we face in life, we will never have to do so alone. Immanuel, means "God with us". May it be more than a nice song, or a clever phrase. May God fill us with the awareness of His Presence. Enjoy "Jesus Awareness" week, and party on with what God has bountifully provided this year.
Oh, and one more thing. Father Christmas is really the Heavenly Father in disguise. How can I say that? The word "Christmas" means "Christ" "masse", which I've heard a friend translate as "the begginning of Christ". So, the father of the "Christ", is the Heavenly Father. Therefore, Father Christmas is really the Heavenly Father in a red suit with a beard. I know of the pagan things, but let's let Jesus be the Great Redeemer that we know He is, and celebrate His love.
I said, to myself, I don't deserve anything for Christmas. After I thought about that awhile, I realized that no one deserves anything for Christmas. The scripture verse that came to mind was, "Why are you so envious, that I am so generous?"
Leave it to God, to allow, and condone presents giving to each other on His birthday. I know we usually think of this as a negative thing, to bring up the birth of Christ. No, I'm not saying that we should feel guilty for giving or receiving presents tomorrow. No, the whole point of the day is to give,recieve, and feel God's love and forgiveness.
Can you imagine how odd it would be if Jesus never came? We would be absolutely hopeless, and have nothing to hang on to. But Jesus did come, and what a blessing we have been freely given. God gave the most precious, prized possession, He had. His only Son. What tremendous love God has for us. We certainly don't deserve it, but it's still ours for the taking anyway. What a wonderful gift. We will always have His love. Christmas is a celebration of God's love for mankind and it is indeed endless. No love will ever match our Savior's incomparable luxiorious affection. Sweeter than the frosting on a fresh batch of cookies, and more filling than a Christmas ham. Things can only get better with Jesus, because He will always be a good thing.
The best thing that can happen to someone is if they lose everything; money, relationships, possessions, you name it. They'll discover a wonderful truth, if God allows them to. We will never be separated from His love, and so we are never alone. It is nice, however, to be with those in flesh and blood, but it was His flesh, and His blood that gave us full assurance of never being without God. Are we alone in the universe? Only if we stick our fingers in our ears, and miss the sound of His voice. Or cover our eyes, so that the brilliance of His creation doesn't astound us like the sun in the sky.
Tomorrow is the celebration of what David Crowder calls "a revolutionary love". God's love has changed, is changing, and will continue to change the world. To be a vessel, of that love, is the living heartbeat of every believer. God is the change that we seek. God is a revolution of peace and stillness, in a world of confusion and chaos. Rather than hate and fear, a great mixture of love with truth can change everything. No matter what we face in life, we will never have to do so alone. Immanuel, means "God with us". May it be more than a nice song, or a clever phrase. May God fill us with the awareness of His Presence. Enjoy "Jesus Awareness" week, and party on with what God has bountifully provided this year.
Oh, and one more thing. Father Christmas is really the Heavenly Father in disguise. How can I say that? The word "Christmas" means "Christ" "masse", which I've heard a friend translate as "the begginning of Christ". So, the father of the "Christ", is the Heavenly Father. Therefore, Father Christmas is really the Heavenly Father in a red suit with a beard. I know of the pagan things, but let's let Jesus be the Great Redeemer that we know He is, and celebrate His love.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Kryptonite
Well, it seems that all my excess energy has been depleted. This is actually a good thing, since it's been a while when I can say that I've been getting a good night's sleep. The side effects of the medication I'm on, makes me feel really drowsy during the day, so I may cut back a little bit.
It seems that I've finally found my kryptonite. A few small pills, and I'm off to dream land. Now, I'm no fan of drugs, but they're what the Dr. has prescribed and seem to be working, almost a little too good.
I really feel more like myself these days, than I have in a long time. I feel content with where God has put me, and am looking forward to just working a steady job and not going on crazy adventures.
I made a trek a few weeks ago, while on a manic high, to visit a former girlfriend, and to ask her to marry me someday. She declined, but was very sweet about it, and also very concerned for my safety. I have since found that several people were worried about me. I apologize for giving anyone reason to worry. All I can say, is that I wasn't myself. In some ways, I feel like Dr. Jekyll cleaning up for all the mistakes that Mr. Hyde put together.
I've come to the conclusion that I am bipolar, and or, manic depressive. This means that I go through the same emotions others do, but on a much wider scale without medication. Normally, I would beat myself up for having a mental illness, but I really couldn't do anything about it at the time, and if I hadn't made my insane journey from Tampa to Toronto, I would never know that I need help, or that the girl I went out with this summer, has nothing but frienship for me.
"Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
-William Shakespeare
How true those words are. God knows that I wanted desperately to love someone, as more than a friend. But really the only person who can fill my deepest void for love is Jesus, and I am closer with Him than I've ever been before. However, I've learned to let others know what I'm thinking and feeling, in regard to hearing from the Lord. I don't think God would've wanted me to lie, or withhold the truth from others. I've already apologized to the parties that I lied to, but it's going to take a lot of work on my part to rebuild trust with them.
In any case, "I press on towards the mark...". Eventually, I will find a job, and start paying off my student loans, and hope to be moving closer to my dream of being a young filmmaker at Full Sail. The two big obstacles to that are qualifying for a loan of $72,000 and getting my health to a place where I can do some lifting. Film is the most collaborative of the arts, and that is when I'm in my element. When I can manage a few projects, and come up with new ideas, and see them come to life. It's such a thrill for me. I mean, even thinking that it might be possible to take a script I've written, and see it on the silver screen, just fills me with joy. However, I'm sure that I'm not the first young person to dream so big, and have to settle for the smaller picture.
I'm in contact with an admission's rep. for Full Sail, and will be talking to her soon. I'm also going to look into some work in Orlando, as well as places nearby where I live in Tampa. I've been steadily filling out job applications, and looking for employment wherever I can find it. I know that God will provide a job for me, at the right time. I just have to be patient.
In other news, my mac laptop died this past Thursday. I think the heating fan broke, and it's possible that the C.P.U. is done. I sent it away at an apple store, yesterday, but they might not be able to salvage the hard drive with all my writing, pictures, and video. So the sooner, I get signed up with Full Sail, the sooner I'll have a laptop. My mom is letting me borrow her spare laptop in the meantime, but it's just not the same. Oh, well. Life is definitely not about me, and is going to continue on that theme.
My brother Joey really challenged me with something the other day. "Life is not like a movie." I'm sorry, but for me, that was deep, because I love movies. They really are a departure from real life, that's why people like them. They're stories that tug at our hearts, and win over our minds. So many people quote memorable lines from movies these days. But my brother is absolutely correct, similar to how Agent Smith describes a failed prototype of the Matrix to Morpheus, "It was too perfect, no one would believe it." In a film, everything can be set up too good. For instance, I watched the end of Transformers 2 with some friends recently, and the main actress's makeup never changed. I thought it was funny because things are being blown up, and it's a war zone of terrifying robots, and her make up stays exactly the same. That's not realistic, is it?
No, I've come to the conclusion that movies are useful, if they tell a good story, and communicate it broadly. Who doesn't love a great story? People tell each other stories all the time. Even Jesus would tell stories, but they weren't necessarily
"Christian", but they were about the kingdom of God. That's what I'm hoping to do someday. My films, may or may not be, "Christian", but they will try to illustrate the kingdom of God.
Well, this is probably the longest entry I've typed yet, but it ends here. Feel free to tell me what you really think at anytime. I will try to write what's going on with me more often. As always, take care.
It seems that I've finally found my kryptonite. A few small pills, and I'm off to dream land. Now, I'm no fan of drugs, but they're what the Dr. has prescribed and seem to be working, almost a little too good.
I really feel more like myself these days, than I have in a long time. I feel content with where God has put me, and am looking forward to just working a steady job and not going on crazy adventures.
I made a trek a few weeks ago, while on a manic high, to visit a former girlfriend, and to ask her to marry me someday. She declined, but was very sweet about it, and also very concerned for my safety. I have since found that several people were worried about me. I apologize for giving anyone reason to worry. All I can say, is that I wasn't myself. In some ways, I feel like Dr. Jekyll cleaning up for all the mistakes that Mr. Hyde put together.
I've come to the conclusion that I am bipolar, and or, manic depressive. This means that I go through the same emotions others do, but on a much wider scale without medication. Normally, I would beat myself up for having a mental illness, but I really couldn't do anything about it at the time, and if I hadn't made my insane journey from Tampa to Toronto, I would never know that I need help, or that the girl I went out with this summer, has nothing but frienship for me.
"Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
-William Shakespeare
How true those words are. God knows that I wanted desperately to love someone, as more than a friend. But really the only person who can fill my deepest void for love is Jesus, and I am closer with Him than I've ever been before. However, I've learned to let others know what I'm thinking and feeling, in regard to hearing from the Lord. I don't think God would've wanted me to lie, or withhold the truth from others. I've already apologized to the parties that I lied to, but it's going to take a lot of work on my part to rebuild trust with them.
In any case, "I press on towards the mark...". Eventually, I will find a job, and start paying off my student loans, and hope to be moving closer to my dream of being a young filmmaker at Full Sail. The two big obstacles to that are qualifying for a loan of $72,000 and getting my health to a place where I can do some lifting. Film is the most collaborative of the arts, and that is when I'm in my element. When I can manage a few projects, and come up with new ideas, and see them come to life. It's such a thrill for me. I mean, even thinking that it might be possible to take a script I've written, and see it on the silver screen, just fills me with joy. However, I'm sure that I'm not the first young person to dream so big, and have to settle for the smaller picture.
I'm in contact with an admission's rep. for Full Sail, and will be talking to her soon. I'm also going to look into some work in Orlando, as well as places nearby where I live in Tampa. I've been steadily filling out job applications, and looking for employment wherever I can find it. I know that God will provide a job for me, at the right time. I just have to be patient.
In other news, my mac laptop died this past Thursday. I think the heating fan broke, and it's possible that the C.P.U. is done. I sent it away at an apple store, yesterday, but they might not be able to salvage the hard drive with all my writing, pictures, and video. So the sooner, I get signed up with Full Sail, the sooner I'll have a laptop. My mom is letting me borrow her spare laptop in the meantime, but it's just not the same. Oh, well. Life is definitely not about me, and is going to continue on that theme.
My brother Joey really challenged me with something the other day. "Life is not like a movie." I'm sorry, but for me, that was deep, because I love movies. They really are a departure from real life, that's why people like them. They're stories that tug at our hearts, and win over our minds. So many people quote memorable lines from movies these days. But my brother is absolutely correct, similar to how Agent Smith describes a failed prototype of the Matrix to Morpheus, "It was too perfect, no one would believe it." In a film, everything can be set up too good. For instance, I watched the end of Transformers 2 with some friends recently, and the main actress's makeup never changed. I thought it was funny because things are being blown up, and it's a war zone of terrifying robots, and her make up stays exactly the same. That's not realistic, is it?
No, I've come to the conclusion that movies are useful, if they tell a good story, and communicate it broadly. Who doesn't love a great story? People tell each other stories all the time. Even Jesus would tell stories, but they weren't necessarily
"Christian", but they were about the kingdom of God. That's what I'm hoping to do someday. My films, may or may not be, "Christian", but they will try to illustrate the kingdom of God.
Well, this is probably the longest entry I've typed yet, but it ends here. Feel free to tell me what you really think at anytime. I will try to write what's going on with me more often. As always, take care.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Great Day
Today was very good. I got to hang out with my best friend Matt, grab a burrito at Moe's Southwest grille AND finally got to go to Clearwater beach. I don't know how to describe how much all these things meant to me. There are just some people in your life that your so tight with, they're almost like a Jonathen to your David. That's what Matt is to me, and I'm grateful to God for him. It's been a real challenging confronting my worst fear, that I am manic depressive. I've learned that it really isn't the end of the world, and that it can be quite manageable with medication, and a regular dose of sleep. Praise God that I'm getting both of those things these days.
I don't know why, but the beach is really my home. For some reason, I think of it as the most safe chill place on earth. I guess it's because when I was little, my parents would take us to the beach on a Sunday afternoon. Mom would always read a book on the shore, and Dad would take us out in to the water and play games with us. Afterward, we would go grab an ice cream cone. That was one of the good memories I had as a child, and I'm trying to focus on positive things these days. In fact, I'm asking God for help in learning that "what...(others)...meant for evil, God will use for good".
So I'm doing really good, and might even have a job at my old workplace, Sam Ash Music Stores. They're looking for someone to take care of the Recording department. I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket, and still applying to the other places. But that would be really awesome, if it works out.
I've got a support group going with this bipolar thing, and I'm also seeking professional help tomorrow. Medication seems to be helping me in the mean time, and I'm choosing to focus on Jesus, instead of myself.
At the beach, me and Matt did some filming with my laptop. I'll try to upload it to the web sometime this week. We ended up meeting this guy, and try to talk to him about Jesus. He told us that he had gone through cancer, and we offered to pray for him, but he turned us down. Oh, well, we can still send in "air support" without his consent. :)
So, things are looking up, but I'm still trying to keep both feet on the ground. It's good for me to be around my family. It's been really humbling at times. I hope that I can be a blessing to them, just as much as I am to others. When reading the Word this morning, I saw a note that I must've jotted down at the Calvary East Coast Pastor's Conference. Your family get's the best portions from the Word, and everyone else gets sloppy seconds. I like that. I think it's true. The priority in your life should be God, Family, Ministry, and then everything else. So grateful for God's grace and the revolutionary love that Jesus has shown, is showing today, and will show for eternity.
My younger brother Joey, played me some new music by Charlie Hall. There's one song in particular that has a great chorus, "When everything around me is going crazy (paraphrase), Your love is the rock on which I stand". That is so true, and something I'm asking God to reveal to me more and more.
Great Men's bible study tonight. We looked at 1 John 2, and read all about God's love and truth. The Living Word (Jesus) is inside of the hearts of believers who are filled with the Holy Spirit. That's how we can avoid cults, bad doctrine, and deception. The Spirit of truth, leads and guides us, into all truth. What a wonderful thing to be reminded that we live in truth, and the truth lives in us. Jesus is the truth, and Jesus lives in the hearts of those who believe.
"In the world you will have tribulation, but take courage, I have already overcome the world."-Jesus (John 16:33)
Take courage, God's already finished everything, all we have to do is trust in His mighty love. I was thanking God for the palm trees this morning, since they look so lovely, stately, and tall. I thought about God's great big love, and how awesome He must be in person. It's so great to know that someday, it's going to happen. I'll be face to face with Jesus, and nothing will ever separate us.
Please pray that I would hear the voice of the true shepherd, and not be led astray by others. I've already learned that "there is wisdom in the multitude of many counselors", and "He who isolates himself, rages against all counsel." I guess guys like myself, are mule headed, and have to learn things the hard way. For now, I trust the Word, and also loved ones around me for help in discerning God's voice. It's not His voice that may be wrong, just my own "faulty wiring". The signal is coming in clear, it's just the reception that's a little fuzzy.
"Praise God for his indescribable gift!"-Apostle Paul (2 Corinthians 9:15)
Amen. If it wasn't for God's grace, I would not be qualified to pick up trash on the street, let alone carry the glorious riches of the Gospel. I'm trying to take things slow and easy, and not get carried away. It's very humbling to rely on others more than self, but it's good for me, too. I have missed my family and friends terribly.
The week before I left Perth, On, we watched a film called "Paul the Apostle". It's three hours long, but totally worth it, it's a great flick. There's a line from that movie that resonates with me. Upon discovering there were believers in a foreign place, Paul said in the movie, "You are Christians. Oh, well than I am home." What a marvelous statement. When we gather with other believers, we feel like we're with family. I do miss my "family" in Perth, but I know that I will see them again someday, even if it's in Heaven. I'd like to pay them a visit in the summer, but we'll see what the Lord has in mind.
As always, I have multiple opportunities to do several things, but "only one thing is necessary and Mary has found it" (Luke 10:42). "One thing have I desired of the Lord, and that I will seek, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life. To behold, the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple." (Ps 27:4).
Well, I need to head for my bed. Be blessed.
Grace and Peace,
Jesse
I don't know why, but the beach is really my home. For some reason, I think of it as the most safe chill place on earth. I guess it's because when I was little, my parents would take us to the beach on a Sunday afternoon. Mom would always read a book on the shore, and Dad would take us out in to the water and play games with us. Afterward, we would go grab an ice cream cone. That was one of the good memories I had as a child, and I'm trying to focus on positive things these days. In fact, I'm asking God for help in learning that "what...(others)...meant for evil, God will use for good".
So I'm doing really good, and might even have a job at my old workplace, Sam Ash Music Stores. They're looking for someone to take care of the Recording department. I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket, and still applying to the other places. But that would be really awesome, if it works out.
I've got a support group going with this bipolar thing, and I'm also seeking professional help tomorrow. Medication seems to be helping me in the mean time, and I'm choosing to focus on Jesus, instead of myself.
At the beach, me and Matt did some filming with my laptop. I'll try to upload it to the web sometime this week. We ended up meeting this guy, and try to talk to him about Jesus. He told us that he had gone through cancer, and we offered to pray for him, but he turned us down. Oh, well, we can still send in "air support" without his consent. :)
So, things are looking up, but I'm still trying to keep both feet on the ground. It's good for me to be around my family. It's been really humbling at times. I hope that I can be a blessing to them, just as much as I am to others. When reading the Word this morning, I saw a note that I must've jotted down at the Calvary East Coast Pastor's Conference. Your family get's the best portions from the Word, and everyone else gets sloppy seconds. I like that. I think it's true. The priority in your life should be God, Family, Ministry, and then everything else. So grateful for God's grace and the revolutionary love that Jesus has shown, is showing today, and will show for eternity.
My younger brother Joey, played me some new music by Charlie Hall. There's one song in particular that has a great chorus, "When everything around me is going crazy (paraphrase), Your love is the rock on which I stand". That is so true, and something I'm asking God to reveal to me more and more.
Great Men's bible study tonight. We looked at 1 John 2, and read all about God's love and truth. The Living Word (Jesus) is inside of the hearts of believers who are filled with the Holy Spirit. That's how we can avoid cults, bad doctrine, and deception. The Spirit of truth, leads and guides us, into all truth. What a wonderful thing to be reminded that we live in truth, and the truth lives in us. Jesus is the truth, and Jesus lives in the hearts of those who believe.
"In the world you will have tribulation, but take courage, I have already overcome the world."-Jesus (John 16:33)
Take courage, God's already finished everything, all we have to do is trust in His mighty love. I was thanking God for the palm trees this morning, since they look so lovely, stately, and tall. I thought about God's great big love, and how awesome He must be in person. It's so great to know that someday, it's going to happen. I'll be face to face with Jesus, and nothing will ever separate us.
Please pray that I would hear the voice of the true shepherd, and not be led astray by others. I've already learned that "there is wisdom in the multitude of many counselors", and "He who isolates himself, rages against all counsel." I guess guys like myself, are mule headed, and have to learn things the hard way. For now, I trust the Word, and also loved ones around me for help in discerning God's voice. It's not His voice that may be wrong, just my own "faulty wiring". The signal is coming in clear, it's just the reception that's a little fuzzy.
"Praise God for his indescribable gift!"-Apostle Paul (2 Corinthians 9:15)
Amen. If it wasn't for God's grace, I would not be qualified to pick up trash on the street, let alone carry the glorious riches of the Gospel. I'm trying to take things slow and easy, and not get carried away. It's very humbling to rely on others more than self, but it's good for me, too. I have missed my family and friends terribly.
The week before I left Perth, On, we watched a film called "Paul the Apostle". It's three hours long, but totally worth it, it's a great flick. There's a line from that movie that resonates with me. Upon discovering there were believers in a foreign place, Paul said in the movie, "You are Christians. Oh, well than I am home." What a marvelous statement. When we gather with other believers, we feel like we're with family. I do miss my "family" in Perth, but I know that I will see them again someday, even if it's in Heaven. I'd like to pay them a visit in the summer, but we'll see what the Lord has in mind.
As always, I have multiple opportunities to do several things, but "only one thing is necessary and Mary has found it" (Luke 10:42). "One thing have I desired of the Lord, and that I will seek, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life. To behold, the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple." (Ps 27:4).
Well, I need to head for my bed. Be blessed.
Grace and Peace,
Jesse
Friday, December 11, 2009
No storm lasts forever
At the present I'm looking at my keyboard, and don't even know how to put into words how I feel. Please pray for me. "You've never had a boring day in your life", is what a friend said to me once. It's true. I don't often slow down, and rest. I'm weary from the journey.
Like Pilgrim, I've encountered many obstacles and blessings en route to the Celestial City. There's a great t.v. movie called "Pilgrim's Progress: Journey Towards Heaven" that I heartily recommend to anybody, Christian, or otherwise. It really gives an overview of the life of a Christian.
website: https://reelchristian.com/
preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMxtoCydNDY&feature=related
It's a modernized account of Pilgrim's Progress, and the director apologizes for only hitting the major themes from the book in his film. He said,"It would take a six part t.v. miniseries to do the entire book." After seeing the film, I would love to see it as a miniseries. It was awesome. I mean, how often do you see a Christian film with sword-fighting? That's bad to the bone.
Anyway, I'm doing better than I was earlier this week, and looking forward to what God has for me in the near future. I'm just taking my time with things, and trying to not to make any major decisions. Thanks again for all the prayers and warm thoughts.
Like Pilgrim, I've encountered many obstacles and blessings en route to the Celestial City. There's a great t.v. movie called "Pilgrim's Progress: Journey Towards Heaven" that I heartily recommend to anybody, Christian, or otherwise. It really gives an overview of the life of a Christian.
website: https://reelchristian.com/
preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMxtoCydNDY&feature=related
It's a modernized account of Pilgrim's Progress, and the director apologizes for only hitting the major themes from the book in his film. He said,"It would take a six part t.v. miniseries to do the entire book." After seeing the film, I would love to see it as a miniseries. It was awesome. I mean, how often do you see a Christian film with sword-fighting? That's bad to the bone.
Anyway, I'm doing better than I was earlier this week, and looking forward to what God has for me in the near future. I'm just taking my time with things, and trying to not to make any major decisions. Thanks again for all the prayers and warm thoughts.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Change is good
Significant change has occurred in my life. I've gone on many adventures down life's journey. But I find myself here at the refuge, where the only person still standing is the Rock called Christ. It's only here that I can find the love I so desperately long for, and the sure protection from the storm. Similar to Elijah, being fed by the ravens, while he rests in the cave, I've been doing a lot of relaxing. In another blog, I will describe my recent adventure this past weekend, but will use fictitous characters and settings, so as not to protect the covenant of friendship I've sworn to uphold. Even if I'm crazy, my loyalty does not stop. I'll give more details later.
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