It's hard to find a starting place today. I'm so glad that I'm finally done with my degree. Now, I only have to wait a week to apply for graduation, once again, and then I finally have my colleg diploma. I'm so glad the stress of one more test is done for now. Last week, I passed the last C.L.A.S.T. test I needed for the mathematics requirement. The next day, I went to see an Orthodontist to see if I have TMJ (temporomandibular joint disorder), which apparently I have. The same day I got my second cortisone shot, which was a bit more painful this time, than it was earlier this month. I was actually very upset, because I had plans for leaving for Canada again this past Friday. However, there are a few more doctor visits that require me to physically be here, so I won't be leaving for Canada until the first weekend of next month (February).
Right now I'm sorting through everything in my mind. A degree that's been my entire life for the past five years is over. I'm starting to get things rolling with Full Sail University and gearing up for an intense discipleship program coming up. I think I'm overdue for some reflection, and some deep counsel from God's Word. It's not to say that I can't do this here at home, but there's something different about going where there are few distractions and warm friends. This is not to say that there aren't warm friends here. It's just different.
Although things may not be difficult for someone else, an allowance of difficulty within one's own situation should be granted to that person. This past year has been a trial by fire for me. I've given up numerous opportunities to hang with old friends, stayed on course with my studies, and even have pitched in with household chores. I've applied for work several times, at a variety of different businesses, with little success. God has provided funds to pay for medical bills, and even tuition for my last semester. I've had sleepless nights were my neck felt like it was on fire, or my back would cramp up on me. It's taken me six months of physical rehab to be able to wear a backpack over my neck without having a night of stinging pain. Having endured all these things, you can imagine, that knowing that I had to take one more test a few weeks before graduation, felt like a punch in the gut. I thought I had already done enough. Despite all these obstacles, I finally made it to the other side, and there's nothing anyone can do to take it away. I watched "the Lord of the Rings" trilogy this past week, and could relate to Frodo collapsing on Mt. Doom. He's finally made it to the quests end and just wants to it all to be over with. I know that I'm being melodramatic, but things have been rough lately. I know there are others facing even worse problems right now, and I should consider myself lucky for the family and resources that I have. I guess I just wanted to give an explanation for the need to go away for awhile.
A brother once shared with me, "Between hearing a word from the Lord, you do the best you can." That's where I'm at right now. I'm doing the best I can and waiting to hear a fresh word from the Lord. The interesting thing about extreme circumstances is that they show you what you're made of, and what's really going on inside of you. I wish I could say it was all good, but there's a lot that needs to be taken out. God has been showing me some things that have been lurking way down on the bottom of my heart. The heat had to be turned up to get rid of it. That's the thing about dross, it's got to come out.
"Remove the dross from the silver, and out comes material for the silversmith;"
Proverbs 25:4
