Keep Moving Forward

This is not only a great line from the movie, "Meet the Robinsons", it's also a good philosophy for life.

"...forgetting what is behind, and straining toward what is ahead."
-Phil 3:14

Although, I'm barely moving an inch toward a career, this is a great time to just enjoy where I'm at, on the way to where I am going. One of the cool quotes from discipleship was "It's not the destination, it's the journey."

I went for a morning constitution, although my manic energy is almost completely gone, and decided to "use my muscles to teach my brain." On the way, I got to see a gorgeous palm tree, that was as beautiful as a postcard. I wish I would've had my camera. There wasn't a cloud in the clear blue sky. Then, as I'm coming back to my house, I get to see not one, but three, hawks circling each other just over my house. They were dark brown, with white feathers underneath. They looked strong and majestic as they glided twenty feet above me.

Afterwards, went to the local library with my sister, and found a book called "Living with Bipolar disorder". I've already read a few chapters, and found the book to be incredibly encouraging, and insightful. According to the book, in the United States alone, "10 million men and women suffer from bipolar disorder." Know what that means? That's ten million people I can relate to, and share the Gospel with. I still have some steps to accomplish before I get there, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone.

In all seriousness, this is the greatest fear I've ever had (manic-depression). I just try to take one day at a time, and thank God that I'm able to be with my family, as I learn how to cope with this mental illness. I'd really like to take a photo of a plaque that hangs in a local hospital. They have names of several intelligent men, and women who have had varying mental problems.

The thing that really bugs me, is that this puts my entire life on hold. All the plans that I had, are now thrown out the window, and I don't really know what to do. I wanted so badly to go to Full Sail, but it looks like it might take me a year, or more to get healthy. As my friend Joe Becker has said, "Holiness is wholeness." I don't have the emotional and mental stamina to handle something as big as Full Sail right now. I know that this is a good thing in the long run, but in the short run it's really lame.

On the plus side, I've applied to three different starbucks, a local recreation center, and a staples. There are a few other places I'm considering to apply to, but only if I'm really deperate. It's hard to be patient during the holidays. I still have a good lead on a job with my former employer, Sam Ash Music, as a salesman in Recording, but we'll see what comes of that. At this point, any job would suffice.

"For every action, there is an opposite, yet exact reaction." I was really on the upside, and now I'm without energy on the down side. Oh, well, at least I'm not on "the dark side of the force." LOL I was thinking the other day, how good it is to know that Jesus will walk with me, even through my worst fears.

This condition is my worst fear. I know that for those who don't have it, you wonder, why doesn't he just snap out of me. For me, the emotions are extreme and real. I can't tell you how much I appreciate prayer and encouraging words. Me and Jesus are going to have to ride this thing out together. I choose to be better, not bitter, over the turn of circumstances. Eventually, I will be able to take care of business, but for now, I just take one day at a time.